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The Mt. Rushmore Trump Interview

Updated on August 15, 2017

Narrator: “Thank you Mr. Gutzon Borglum for assembling our panel today. It is our pleasure to feature these men of honor and your granite symbol of what America stands for in this mixed up world. President Washington would you like to start?”

Washington: “Thank you. We are a nation of proud people and our beginning proves that we stand for all that is best in the world. We are a pillar of the rest of the world to envy. Our military has fought long and hard to make this land of ours safe. They and the generations that followed have a right to live under the safety and protection that the United States flag offers to its citizens. We don’t want anything done that will tarnish that.”

Trump: “That’s rich coming from you. You are most famous for not telling lies. But the very myth of the Cherry tree is a lie. Your fame rest on you as General in the revolution. My Generals are much better than you can imagine. And my revolution will be much better than yours. I will remake this nation into an image of my creation. Greed, Avarice & Gluttony or G.A.G., will be the new law of the land.”

Washington: “That appraisal is a bit harsh. England was the most powerful nation on earth when we declared our independence. You will never really control the power that was wielded by the British Empire.”

Trump glances at Abe: “I am the most presidential president presently present, in this country's history of presidents and even before that. No one comes close to how presidential I am. I think we all agree on that, bigly.”


Narrator: “Mr. Lincoln, would you like to respond to that?”

Before Mr. Lincoln could react, Jefferson piped up: “I certainly would. We brought together representatives from the thirteen colonies. Men with diverse interest and backgrounds. Together we decided we were stronger together. We brought men in rags together and fought off the best trained army in the world. I think you are underestimating the strength of the people you are supposed to be representing.”

Trump: “I am the best person to decide that.”

Lincoln: “You behave like a peacock. You prance and boast. You blame and complain. None of us were ever under investigation. Arguably, my administration oversaw the greatest challenges of the nation. I say arguably because The Revolution, I am sure was no picnic. What is it again you have done? So far the only thing of note is to raise the rent on the Secret Service. You made them rent a trailer that sat out on the sidewalk, like they were night watchmen on a construction site. Many claim you are not worth protecting.”

Trump began to respond, but Theodore Roosevelt asked to speak.

Roosevelt: “You have not talked about me. No comparisons like yourself and Lincoln have been made about you and me. But we have a lot in common. We both like the bluster. We are both overweight. You charge off in all directions, while I gained some notoriety from charging San Juan Hill. You should have joined the military when you had a chance. You don’t have a war to call your own. Ordering someone else to push a couple of buttons, while you are wearing an ill fitting suit, is not the same thing. You have to be in the field. George experienced that, so did I. It is that getting dirty that teaches you the value of a battle and the measure of men.”

Trump: “I have preliminary studies underway to have my face carved on Mt. Rushmore. What do you think of that?”

Jefferson jumped in: “An ice sculpture? No one is going to remember you. You are alive, and less popular than Millard Fillmore. There is even a slight resemblance. ”

Lincoln: “Besides our inside joke is that, ‘we are a bunch of stoners’ – do you get it stoners?”

Trump: “No, what’d ya mean?”

Lincoln: “From the Sixties. Marijuana, stoners; none of this rings a bell?”

Roosevelt: “He is more like the French. Used little enameled boxes with powder to stick up their noses. You know a fancy pants.”

Narrator: Gentlemen. Gentlemen, we are getting off track.

Jefferson started to speak.

Trump cuts him off: “You are just a bunch of blockheads. I will go find my own mountain to carve my face. Perhaps I will emboss my face every two miles along my great and glorious wall. A 1,600 mile memorial, that has never been done. Yes, I like that. I will bully Congress into funding a useless wall. We can take funding from medical facilities and environmental projects.”

Washington: “I understand you have decided on the location of your presidential library. I hear an iPhone will be mounted on a bus stop bench in Brooklyn, NY and anyone that stops by can read all your presidential tweets while waiting for the bus to Stanton. ”

Trump: “Oh, ha, ha. Besides, my memorial will be in Moscow.”

Washington, Jefferson, Roosevelt and Lincoln became stone faced. They looked out to the Southeast, their stature accented by the afternoon sun. Their strong expressions emitting hope, strength, courage and fortitude. Their granite base, strong enough to shoulder any weight put upon them.

Narrator: “Mr. Gutzon Borglum once again, let us thank you.”

Trump rose to leave. To an aide he said: “Find out who is scheduling these interviews. We must stop these leaks.”

Everybody Must Get Stoned Bob Dylan

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    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 weeks ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Patty - The USA is in serious trouble. I hope it is recognizable when it once again comes up for air. It is funny that 'we' would agonize over a Civil War, as we each search for its meaning as it relates to real issues.

      The robber barons have stormed the bank of USA and we can hope there is something left when the people storm through.

    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish 4 weeks ago from North America

      Someone said that the USA is the only nation on earth that would start a civil war over the Civil War. Statues must be a diversionary topic while worse atrocities happen under cover of chaos.

      "I will go find my own mountain to carve my face." -- he will build the mountain as well.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 5 weeks ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Bill - It looks like things are heating up. Armed demonstrators is a very explosive condition. The police just stood by in Charlottesville, which is a very bad sign.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 5 weeks ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Genna - Dylan was a prophet. With no sense of history to guide him, the country is whipsawed all around. This week he proved beyond doubt where his sympathy lies. He is unfit.

      Good news though, Bannon seems to be ready to be fed to the lions. That is a big improvement.

      Michelle Obama's quote is so strong.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 5 weeks ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello mar - Scaling new heights, that's a good one. And what can I say Dylan fit right in. Cause everybody must get stoned. Especially now.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 5 weeks ago from Olympia, WA

      The events of the last five days have me wondering if there isn't another Civil War in the making. Your interviews always leave me frightened because they are so damned close to reality.

      Keep the faith, buddy!

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 5 weeks ago from Massachusetts, USA

      G.A.G. (Lol.) Very clever, Mike.

      "At the end of the day, the presidency doesn’t change you — it reveals who you are." Michelle Obama; Oct, 2016; North Carolina State University.

      Trump should take note, and note of these witty and relevant interviews, Mike. :-)

      And after what's been happening, I agree with Dylan.

      Shyron: I'm so sorry to hear of your stepson's passing. My condolences to you and your family.

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 5 weeks ago from Jeffersonville PA

      This interview series is scaling new heights - and I'm not monkeying around, dear Mike.

      Well if Bob Dylan says so... ;)

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 5 weeks ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Martie - The project ran from 1927 to 1941, so a long time to complete. There have been some public comments regarding adding a president's portrait to the monument. I think that might just be wishful thinking on the part of those floating such ideas. You cannot 'grant' greatness by edict or pronouncement.

      These are getting silly.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 5 weeks ago from South Africa

      Mmm, another interview to ponder. Of cause, Mr. Trump will not get it.

      Those faces on Mt. Rushmore are absolutely amazing. I wonder how long did it take the artist to finish them?

      Excellent writing, as always!

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 5 weeks ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Shy - Thank you. Sorry to hear of your families sorrow. I appreciate the blessings.

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 5 weeks ago from Texas

      Mike, I love! Awesome, awesome, awesome.

      I will share on Facebook when I return from my stepson's funeral.

      Blessings as always