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Her Name Was Envy

Updated on October 6, 2011

Hells Bar

Midnight. It smelled so good to me. The sweet smell of crime made my insides tingle. The full moon was out tonight and it screamed come get me. I was ready for anything the cold night could throw at me. My leather boots walked me down the icy street as I focused on the path in front of me. The mission was locked in my head and I knew I would complete it.

I watched the doors to Hells Bar grow closer, as I was drawn to them. With determination I grabbed the handle and opened the doors. I inhaled the poison of cigarette smoke and alcohol. The music was loud and harsh.

I grabbed a booth in a dark corner so I could lay low and get to know the scene. A young girl with short blonde hair walked my way. She was thin and broken down in every way possible. Her skirt was cut high barely covering her secrets and her top revealed her shame. Sweet brown eyes revealed her sorrow but a smile still rose from her pale face .

"What can I get you?", That was all she said. So simple ,so rehearsed. Was she hiding more than I thought?

"I'll take a Spiders kiss, and an ash tray ".

"No problem ".

I watched her walk away wondering just how much she knew. Did she know about the guns, Or drugs? Or did they prefer their girls ignorant.

The music suddenly changed tempos and drifted to a soft seductive song. All eyes were directed torward the stage. Theatre red curtains were being drawn back as a young girl no older than 19 walked out. She wore a doctor outfit completed with red high heels and a stethoscope. Her steps were strong and proud . She knew what she was doing.

Her hips were swaying and hypnotizing every man around. She grabbed the pole and whisked them away to a paradise past their problems and jobs. They were drooling over her lively curves and plump breast as she twirled her dance of lust.

I was mesmerized. The server appeared with my drink startling me."Can I get you anything else?" , she spit her words out with envy . Her body language said she would do anything to be that girl on stage.

"No, just put it on my tab. Who's the girl on stage". I was curious about the dancer I had to know more about her.

"That's Angel, she's the main attraction and the only way we could stay this busy on a Monday night."

My eyes went back to the stage . What is a woman of such beauty doing in such a run down, sorry excuse for a bar? There was something off about this place and it was my job to figure out exactly what it is.


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    • Silent Sinner profile image

      Silent Sinner 6 years ago

      K.Burns Darling Thank you for commenting and following me as well. I appreciate your kindness. It delights me to see that the main characters identity is such a interest to my readers.

    • K. Burns Darling profile image

      Kristen Burns-Darling 6 years ago from Orange County, California

      I stopped by to take a look at your hubs after you so graciously commented upon mine, and all I can say is WOW! You are an immensely incredible talent, and I cannot wait for more! You immediately draw your reader in and capture their interest and even in this short piece of the story, without knowing the identity of your main protagonist, I have a strong sense of their inner workings. You have vividly painted me a picture in which I can identify the smell of stale smoke and stale beer, hear the waitresses bored automation. This is really amazing! Voted up, awesome, beautiful, and interesting. It will be my pleasure to follow you, and I look forward to reading more from you!

    • Silent Sinner profile image

      Silent Sinner 6 years ago

      Lol i cant tell you . you will find your answer soon I promise :)

    • jfay2011 profile image

      jfay2011 6 years ago

      I like your story. Is it a guy talking? Maybe he's going to pursue the girl on stage. Love story coming?

    • Silent Sinner profile image

      Silent Sinner 6 years ago

      I am curently working on a part two, unfortunantly hubpages mobile does not let you write new hub. And times are tough . My internet will be back on soon and I will be back to writing. :)

    • ThomasE profile image

      ThomasE 6 years ago from UK

      I liked the story, but think there needs to be a part 2 ;)

    • ubanichijioke profile image

      Alexander Thandi Ubani 6 years ago from Lagos

      A great story and well written. I want to read more. Awesome i voted

    • profile image

      Rog17 6 years ago

      Nice start. You certainly caught my attention.

    • Silent Sinner profile image

      Silent Sinner 6 years ago

      Thank ya'll so much. I appreciate your kindness. I do love this type of writing it comes so naturaly to me. I will be providing more soon.

    • lotusb34 profile image

      Fran Bradford 6 years ago from Maine

      you kno what in all honesty you also did a perfect job

    • Denise Handlon profile image

      Denise Handlon 6 years ago from North Carolina

      I am beginning to realize you have a flair with this type of writing-and you quit right at the point of interest...that's the way to keep us coming back for more! great job

    • Silent Sinner profile image

      Silent Sinner 6 years ago

      All in good time. :)

    • lotusb34 profile image

      Fran Bradford 6 years ago from Maine

      more more more