The Perfect Cell Phone
Are you tired of shopping for a new cell phone, only to find that the best features are not on one phone, but spread out across a few models you like? Or even worse, these phones lack the features you demand?
Well, don’t fret - I have the solution.
I have invented the Perfect Cell Phone (PCP). Like angel dust, the PCP will make you feel more powerful and help you focus on what’s truly important in your life.
Without further ado, here are some leaked specs behind the Perfect Cell Phone:
Tiny in Size (but not too tiny)
The PCP is small. About the size of an iPod nano with a growth defect. It is a 1.5 inch square by 1.5 inch square. Why didn’t we make it even smaller, or so tiny that it’s implantable?
While that may satisfy those people who are looking for the smallest cell phone, the perfect cell phone must still be large enough that your friends can see it and know how cool you are.
If it were invisible, no one would know you own the perfect cell phone, thus making it less than perfect.
Two Week Battery Life
The PCP is powered by air temperature, motion, and a tiny space age battery. It charges by putting it on a smart mat for five minutes. If it ever runs out of batteries, just walk around with it in your pocket for a bit and it will automatically recharge enough so you can make a call or send a text.
Because the PCP is so small, you may be wondering how you make calls and text. After you notice there are no buttons on it, you will be even more confused.
The PCP is powered by your mind! All you have to do is think about it to answer the phone, or dictate a text message in your head.
As an added bonus, you get a free microchip implanted in your frontal lobe. This is required for the phone to work.
I am a nice guy and believe in giving back, so the chip will be implanted free of charge.
If you are like me, you’ve cracked a few iPhone screens in your day, but no more! The PCP is made of a metal/polymer invented by aliens, so you can throw your PCP against a wall or run it through the washing machine.
In fact, because the PCP is powered by motion, running it through the washer in the pocket of a pair of jeans is a great way to charge your phone.
Impossible to Lose (almost)
You can’t lose the PCP, even if you try (unless you toss it in a lake). If you can’t find it, it immediately lets out a high pitched siren until you locate it.
This feature was requested by the majority of people who cannot bear the thought of not knowing where their phone is at every minute of the day.
It’s Social (and anti-social)
Ever wished you could fully control what happens when people call? Maybe it’s Saturday and you don’t want your boss calling to ask you to come in to the office. With the PCP, you can program it to send his calls straight to voicemail, with a specific message saying that your phone is temporarily out of service and technicians are working to restore it.
Also, if that girl or guy you foolishly gave your number to at a bar calls, the PCP will alert you to not answer it.
The Perfect Cell Phone
While we are a few years away from having the perfect cell phone, this is a good way to visualize what technology we have in store for us. The big question is whether the public will continue to embrace technology that further invades our life. I feel we are not that far away from having phones implanted in our brains, making it impossible to ever fully power yourself down. Thankfully, people still view the objects themselves as cool designs, which should save us from the microchips for a while.
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