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The Poetic Anchor: May 11, 2011

Updated on May 11, 2011

World News For Poetry Lovers

Are you tired of reading news in the same old dried up format? Do you spend too much time getting lost in a news article only to find out that you want that last ten minutes back? The Poetic Anchor endeavors to deliver the news to your door via rhyming and free form prose doused in sizzling sarcastic satire. Straight from his last poetry-reading contest, here is the Poetic Anchor:

World News

Obama Launches Re-Election Campaign

On the campaign trail, roams President Obama

His slogan was "Yes We Can", now it's "I killed Osama".

He's not afraid to take a tough stand

He'll out-shoot any redneck republican

Yo terrorists, on your door he'll come a crashin'

This dude from the White House is one cold, mother assassin

The UN Position On Libya

We want to kill Ghadafi (No, we don't)

We want to kick him out (No, we won't)

We'll bomb and destroy anything that's near

We will own the skies but we won't interfere

Protecting the common civilian on the ground

Is exactly why we bombed that presidential compound

If Libya's government falls with a splat

Oops, did our destruction do all that?

Man Dies After Falling Off Highest Tower In Dubai (free form for the free fall)

He was robbed of some time off

As his two feet slipped off the edge

He thought he would expose his employer's petulance

His body sliced through the cool Dubai air

Two words briefly haunted his last living seconds

His speedy plummet now in regret


Clinton vs. China

"Hillary, Hillary" they cried with a clang

"You're up against China's Vice Premier Wang"

"Fear not, fear not" said Clinton sitting so still

"Spiked his coffee with Bill's castration pill."

Mubarek On Trial: Let My Family Go (Old Testament style):

Oh, Egypt, let my family go

What does thou sayeth

I promise to be good

Every night I will prayeth

I harbor no resentment

Of our tumultuous clash

Merciful Egypt, please spare me

And while you're at it, can I keep the cash?

Super Sherpa (Climber Scales Everest 21 times)

Super Sherpa went up the hill

Climbed it again and couldn't keep still

When he got down, he had to go back up

Because he forgot his trusted coffee cup

Forever forgetting, leaving things behind

Before he knew it, it was twenty-one times

They asked if any other challenges he would find

"What the f***! You mean there's other mountains to climb?"

Pope: Nobody Told Me About The Earthquake

The walls were crumbling

The Cardinals did flee

About this earthquake

Did someone forget about me?

I went to the cellar

To see JP

Forgot about the time

After all he's almost a saint, you see

All of a sudden

The ground did shake

I said "Karl, I did this for you"

Give me a break!

As the walls caved in

to seal my doomed fate

I smiled at JP and said

"We're eternal bunk mates!"


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