The Poetic Anchor: May 11, 2011
World News For Poetry Lovers
Are you tired of reading news in the same old dried up format? Do you spend too much time getting lost in a news article only to find out that you want that last ten minutes back? The Poetic Anchor endeavors to deliver the news to your door via rhyming and free form prose doused in sizzling sarcastic satire. Straight from his last poetry-reading contest, here is the Poetic Anchor:
Obama Launches Re-Election Campaign
On the campaign trail, roams President Obama
His slogan was "Yes We Can", now it's "I killed Osama".
He's not afraid to take a tough stand
He'll out-shoot any redneck republican
Yo terrorists, on your door he'll come a crashin'
This dude from the White House is one cold, mother assassin
The UN Position On Libya
We want to kill Ghadafi (No, we don't)
We want to kick him out (No, we won't)
We'll bomb and destroy anything that's near
We will own the skies but we won't interfere
Protecting the common civilian on the ground
Is exactly why we bombed that presidential compound
If Libya's government falls with a splat
Oops, did our destruction do all that?
Man Dies After Falling Off Highest Tower In Dubai (free form for the free fall)
He was robbed of some time off
As his two feet slipped off the edge
He thought he would expose his employer's petulance
His body sliced through the cool Dubai air
Two words briefly haunted his last living seconds
His speedy plummet now in regret
Clinton vs. China
"Hillary, Hillary" they cried with a clang
"You're up against China's Vice Premier Wang"
"Fear not, fear not" said Clinton sitting so still
"Spiked his coffee with Bill's castration pill."
Mubarek On Trial: Let My Family Go (Old Testament style):
Oh, Egypt, let my family go
What does thou sayeth
I promise to be good
Every night I will prayeth
I harbor no resentment
Of our tumultuous clash
Merciful Egypt, please spare me
And while you're at it, can I keep the cash?
Super Sherpa (Climber Scales Everest 21 times)
Super Sherpa went up the hill
Climbed it again and couldn't keep still
When he got down, he had to go back up
Because he forgot his trusted coffee cup
Forever forgetting, leaving things behind
Before he knew it, it was twenty-one times
They asked if any other challenges he would find
"What the f***! You mean there's other mountains to climb?"
Pope: Nobody Told Me About The Earthquake
The walls were crumbling
The Cardinals did flee
About this earthquake
Did someone forget about me?
I went to the cellar
To see JP
Forgot about the time
After all he's almost a saint, you see
All of a sudden
The ground did shake
I said "Karl, I did this for you"
Give me a break!
As the walls caved in
to seal my doomed fate
I smiled at JP and said
"We're eternal bunk mates!"