ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

The Pub - A Murder Mystery 1

Updated on June 9, 2018
PegCole17 profile image

Peg is a published author of true and fiction stories. Her debut novel is set in the seventies with groping bosses, graft, crime and murder.

The Pub, now serving lunch and dinner. Try our daily special, fresh catch of the day.
The Pub, now serving lunch and dinner. Try our daily special, fresh catch of the day.

May 1975

When Bob, the manager of a local restaurant, disappeared without a trace, word of his departure spread like fire through the small beachside community. The remaining restaurant staff who'd survived other management changes had a good idea what would follow in the wake of his absence. Tension was high with employees concerned by the news of the missing manager.

Options were few and competition was tough for jobs, mostly found in the only two banks and small businesses in town or in the multitude of restaurants and lounges catering to the tourism trade.

Joe, the Pub's bookkeeper, had been hired only months before having given up her teller's job at the bank. With rumors flying about missing cash and embezzlement, she had second thoughts about the day she'd decided to take the job.

Source

Bob had been relentless in his pursuit of the new bookkeeper. Day after day waiting patiently in her teller line, he ignored the invitations from other tellers that beckoned from behind glass partitions. Standing firm, he clutched the bulging deposit bag while whistling tunelessly and waiting. Joe's coworkers on the teller line winked knowingly and passed looks between them as she counted down the towering stacks of The Pub's daily cash receipts.

"That Bob guy from The Pub is a handsome devil, don't you think, Joe?" a teller remarked one morning as they collected their teller drawers, her voice echoing off the walls of the cavernous vault. Joe ignored the comment.

"I think he has the hots for you," another whispered as they set their cubicles in order and tidied up the racks of ink stamps in their cages.

"He's definitely not my type," Joe answered, for what seemed like the hundredth time. Her love life seemed to be a favorite topic for the small group that would have no part of her denials. They needed little encouragement to tease her and break the monotony of the daily routine. Joe, the only single teller on the line, was often a target for blind dates arranged with friends and relatives of her married coworkers.

"You just need to find the right guy and settle down," they often reminded her.

One morning after the doors of the lobby opened for business, Bob stood at Joe's teller window, as usual, while she counted the bundles of cash from his deposit. As she slapped down the last twenty dollar bill Bob leaned closer to the glass and whispered.

"How'd you like to get a free lunch every day, Joe?" His breath in the chilly air left a foggy circle on her teller window.

"There's no such thing as a free lunch, Bob," she answered. She made a check mark on the deposit slip where it indicated the cash amount. She passed the receipt out through the rounded opening below the glass. "What's the catch?" she asked.

"There's no catch," he said. "My bookkeeper quit and left town." He waited for Joe's reaction before continuing. She kept her hands busy straightening the cash in her drawer, unfolding the corners and aligning the edges of the bills. He continued. "The pay is good." She looked up with an unspoken question on her face.

"It has to be better than here," he indicated the lobby with a toss of his head. She glanced down the teller line at two of her coworkers whispering behind hands held close to their mouths.

"Okay, I'm game." She zipped the deposit bag closed and pushed it through.

"Be there around five and wear something nice. You'll be meeting the partners who own the place."

"Wait a minute," she said. "How many bosses would there be?"

"You'd be directly under me," he said and then smirked at the inference.

"Okay, I'm in."

He made an immediate about face and headed toward the exit, the bank bag tucked under his arm. Joe watched him pass under the multi-colored tapes on the door marking different heights. They were trained to note the color of the tapes for any would-be robber's identification. For the first time, she noted that Bob was over six feet tall.

"See ya' later, alligator," he called back loudly.

A chorus of giggles followed his departure and Joe smiled at her decision to give it a shot.

The opportunity came at the perfect time for Joe. With two mortgages on her house and a staggering overhead, she reassured herself it couldn't hurt to look elsewhere. She might miss the banker's hours that allowed tellers to leave early when their drawers balanced at the end of the day. They only had to stay late if someone was off. Then, they all stayed to review the day's transactions and find the error.

That day, she hoped all would go well so she would have time to go home and change clothes. It did.

She drove home and took her second shower of the day. She chose a suitable outfit and slipped into a pair of heels she would never wear to the bank. She grimaced at the thought of standing in them all day.

"Besides, I don't need any more grief from the other tellers," she told herself shifting her car into reverse. She tried to imagine a job where she could actually sit down most of the day with an added bonus of having her own private office.

Source

She arrived promptly at five. Bob introduced her to Dick, the local owner and Operations Manager. Ervin, the other partner, had flown in from Chicago for the interviews to replace the bookkeeper.

"You can expect a thorough and detailed review of the books," he told her, frowning sternly as he looked her over from head to toe. When the interview concluded, the owners held a short conference in the hall. They promptly returned to the booth where Joe waited sipping a Coke. The salary they were offering was substantially more than her wages at the bank. It took her only a moment of reflection to make the decision.

"I accept," she told them, and glanced over at Bob whose expression was unreadable.

"Welcome aboard," Dick beamed, offering her his hand to seal the deal.

Source

The following Monday, she gave a two-week's notice at the bank. The wobbly and decrepit Vice President promptly called her into his office and stood glaring at her.

"It is our custom to immediately dismiss employees that resign. Your services will no longer be required," he announced, with a clear look of disdain on his wrinkled face.

"You can't fire me," she mumbled on her way to collect her belongings. "I quit."

Joe was surprised to find her new office at The Pub so tiny, yet, despite its resemblance to a broom closet, she was thrilled to have her own space. Even more pleasing was that her duties were similar to those she'd performed at the bank. There were stacks of cash to count, registers to balance and deposits to prepare.

Bob trained her on how to review vendor invoices and showed her how to make the payroll checks using their pegboard system.

But the best part of the job was toiling in the delicious aroma of char-grilled steaks, seasoned roasted potatoes and other mouth-watering sides. Each day she enjoyed a meal of her choosing; a perk nearly too good to be true.

The Pub's office had a vertical filing cabinet at the far end of a wooden table that served as Joe's desk. Narrow benches lined either side of the table with room for little else. There were no windows in the room where she could see the spectacular view of the Inter Coastal Waterway just outside. She was in the middle of writing out the weekly payroll when Dick opened the door.

"Bob is gone," he said without hesitation.

"What do you mean gone?" Her pen stopped in mid air over the open checkbook. It was mid-morning, about the time Bob normally arrived.

"He's vanished overnight," Dick added. "There's no trace of him."

News of Bob's disappearance traveled quickly sending waves of panic across the staff. Eloise, the salad lady who was near retirement, looked strained. Denny, the grill cook and George, the Head Chef who was generally mischievous seemed unsettled by the rumor.

The restaurant had a reputation for the best prime rib in the county with a salad bar far better than their competition, but the main draw of The Pub was the live entertainment. Guests flocked in after dinner service ended to grab a cocktail and to check out the talented musicians in the two lounges. The Pub was the in place to be seen for the moment, its rowdy crowd growing larger each night.

In the months before his departure, Bob had hired several new bands to hold on to this competitive edge in a game where popularity changed with the whims of a fickle crowd. Yesterday's favorites were discarded like yesterday's newspaper.

Once Bob disappeared, bill collectors seemed to come out of the woodwork with unpaid invoices for produce, meat and liquor purchases. The entertainers and the restaurant staff had valid reason to worry with paychecks bouncing and vendors demanding payment. The mood at The Pub turned somber instantly.

Ervin, the CPA owner, flew back into town. After a tense and loud discussion between the owners whose shouting could be heard throughout the kitchen, a decision was taken to supply an injection of cash to keep the restaurant open. At an impromptu staff meeting where the announcement was made, the staff cheered.

Cover design by Mckbirdbks, Mockingbird Books and Publishing
Cover design by Mckbirdbks, Mockingbird Books and Publishing

Chip had served dutifully as Assistant Manager for Bob. With his manager gone, Chip eagerly took on the extra duties in high hopes of a promotion to the job. But his hopes gave in to doubt as the siege of applicants flooded in for the position arriving from the neighboring communities and stumbling their way through interviews. When Jason showed up, Chip's enthusiasm dimmed visibly.

Jason made it to the top of a short list of applicants with his solid experience in running a string of lounges in Jamaica. After the partners held a private conference at the service kiosk, Ervin told his partner, "He's the best we've seen so far."

"You want to make a decision this soon?" Dick asked stirring cream into a glass of iced coffee. Ervin pulled the handle to dispense milk into a tall glass. In a well-practiced motion, he pulled a blue bottle of Maalox from his shirt pocket and took a deep swig.

"I've seen enough," he answered, wiping the chalky residue from his lips with the back of his hand. "Let's get this guy on board."

© 2012 Peg Cole

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      10 months ago from Dallas, Texas

      Hi Dabby, Nice of you to drop by and leave a thoughtful, kind comment. This series was written one chapter at a time on HubPages. The encouragement of other writers and visitors kept it going. I'm hoping to put the original first draft back out here. It differs slightly from the book.

    • Dabby Lyric profile image

      Dabby Lyric 

      10 months ago from US

      Hello Peggy, Congrats to you! I really enjoyed reading the excerpt. The characters are relatable, it reads smoothly and I like how the story started. Very cool pictures used as well.

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      10 months ago from Dallas, Texas

      It is hard to believe how fast time flies, Mike. I'm putting the original chapters back out here - at least most of them. I cherish the comments that I received during the creation of this series. Thanks for stopping back by.

    • mckbirdbks profile image

      mckbirdbks 

      10 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Peg - I am reading through the comments. What strikes me most, after all the glowing reviews, is that it has been five years. How can that be?

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      10 months ago from Dallas, Texas

      Hello William, Thanks for dropping in. I'm working on putting the chapters back out here one at a time. About ready to re-release Chapter 2. Glad to see you here.

    • lifegate profile image

      William Kovacic 

      10 months ago from Pleasant Gap, PA

      A little late on this one, Peg, but I'm glad I found it. You have my attention!

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      2 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Thank you, Mar, for all your supportive efforts in the production and release of the book. I will ever be grateful for your wonderful foreword and positive comments. Love You friend. I'm glad you stopped in again today! I'm about 1700 words into a sequel! Aftermath - The Pub Crew. I hope the mood strikes to keep going and that it doesn't take four more years. LOL

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 

      2 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

      "I am eager to follow this one. I know it's only SIMMERING..."

      From four years ago, dear Peg. And your meticulous efforts are most obvious in your 'finished' product... :) I love "The Pub"!

      So wonderful to see your supportive comments from friends of our past...drbj, Dusty, Rosemay and epi, to name a few...

      Now you can't go wrong with a QUEEN backdrop - thanks for my morning jam! Love you, mar

    • mckbirdbks profile image

      mckbirdbks 

      4 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Peg - Get the story the way you want it. You are getting to be a pro at this writing trade and are honing your craft.

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      4 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Mike, you are such an inspiration. I will try to finish my edits soon. I keep finding stuff that I want to change. Guess I'll never finish at this rate.

    • mckbirdbks profile image

      mckbirdbks 

      4 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Motivation - I saved up my allowance to buy a copy.

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      4 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Shyron, So nice of you to find this one and leave such a fine comment. Yes, there are several more chapters still published. I have unpublished the others for rewrites, but the story is now completed with 20 something chapters. Waiting for motivation to publish as an eBook.

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 

      4 years ago from Texas

      Peg, this is so interesting, is there a follow up, will we find out what happened to Bob?

      I love Eagles video.

      Voted up,UABI and shared.

      Shyron

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      5 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Darling Epigramman. Oh what a thrill to find you opening Chapter 1 of this novella that I finally concluded. And for you to share it on FB for all to see is more than generous. I've been over on Amazon just this moment trying to decide on the download for PC Kindle or if I should just bite the bullet and buy one. I am such a techno phobe. But if I ever get there my first purchase will be your new e-book, Funny Thirty. You are so special and I'm thrilled for you to get published. Congratulations on your 1st, 2nd and many many more books.

      So long to you for the moment and I hope to see you for coffee after the next few chapters of The Pub.

      Love

      Peg, Tony, Cookie and Brian Williams (my feral cat who used to be known as Ms. Kitty)

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 

      5 years ago

      Well my precious Peg I really must start reading your Pub 'book' series - the titles intrigue me and you are what I often call Mike , a writer's writer with an evocative narrative style which immediately transports me to a time and a place with finely etched characters.

      I will madly and gladly share this on my FB wall for all to see and read and I am sincerely sending to you my warmest wishes and good energy from Colin and his cats Little Miss Tiffy and Mister Gabriel at lake erie time ontario canada 2:09pm on a beautiful summer's day with a lovely southwest breeze off the water.

      And thank you so much for your support of my 2 books - and coming from someone special like you really means a lot to me.

      And I couldn't have done it without Mike and Vicki

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      5 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Hi AliciaC. Thank you for coming by. Welcome and I hope you will have the time available to read the rest of the story.

    • AliciaC profile image

      Linda Crampton 

      5 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      This looks like it's going to be a very interesting series, Peg. I have so much reading to catch up on! I'm looking forward to reading all the other chapters in your novel.

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      5 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Hi MartieCoetser. Thank you for starting into this novel in progress. I understand your reluctance to read an unfinished work. Somehow it keeps me moving forward to complete this as I publish my ongoing chapters. I hope you will come back when it gets nearer to a finished work. Thank you for the wonderful comment and for the kind visit.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 

      5 years ago from South Africa

      Peggy, I have postponing reading your novel because I prefer reading novels when all chapters are published, but curiosity got me this time. I like your background and characters, writing style and the way you hook your readers.

      Absolutely excellent. I'll be back soon to read on.....

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      5 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Hi Sgbrown. Thanks for returning to pick this series up again. It gives me a reason to review and make improvements when I read it over after new comments arrive. I saw your hub on "The New Pub" this morning and it was so perfect to add here. Maybe I'll have to make a trip to OK and get some pics for The Pub. Smiling at your comment and thanks again.

    • sgbrown profile image

      Sheila Brown 

      5 years ago from Southern Oklahoma

      I started reading this series a while back and then got distracted. I am back and going to get caught up. Thank you for the link! On to chapter 2! Up and more, again. :)

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      5 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Hello Faith and welcome to The Pub series. Thank you for stopping in here and I hope you will find the next chapters as "intriguing". I very much appreciate your thoughtful comments and kind words.

      Peg

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 

      5 years ago from southern USA

      Intriguing beginning to this story, and I am ready to get caught up with the 11 chapters to go! Watch out, Jason has arrived from Jamaica. It's going to be good. Love your photos.

      Excellent write here.

      In His Love, Faith Reaper

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      5 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Hello SG. Thanks! So glad to see you here. I'm still working on publishing Chapter 8 so it is a slow go from my end. Hope you'll stick around! :)

    • sgbrown profile image

      Sheila Brown 

      5 years ago from Southern Oklahoma

      Well, you have me hooked! Great job with "Chapter 1". I will be back to read more right away! Voting up and more! :)

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      6 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Hello Vespawoolf. Thanks for the visit today and for reading chapter one of this story under development. I do appreciate your comments and your time. All the best to you.

    • vespawoolf profile image

      vespawoolf 

      6 years ago from Peru, South America

      I'm left wondering what havoc Jason will wreak on the characters in the little pub! This is very descriptive and I can imagine both the characters and the scene you've set. Voted up!

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      6 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Hello Mary, Congrats on winning "best avatar" award. You deserve it! That is a good one. Thanks for the follow. Your new profile design displayed a few hubs of yours that are calling to me as well. I appreciate your visit and the kind words. Thank you so much and hope you will have time to follow along!

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 

      6 years ago from New York

      Okay, you have an audience hooked on your writing and your story. Just enough information to have us wondering, and enough detail to make us want more. Well written and intriguing. As soon as I get time I'm reading chapter two!

      Voted up, awesome, and interesting.

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      6 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      That sounds great, Cygnet. Good to hear you have a professional editor! Cover design? Wow. Terrific. Way to go!

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      6 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Hello Amy. So sorry for the delay in responding. My internet blew a tire and I was off line for most of the day yesterday. I must tell you how much your comment means to me and what a fantastic lift to my day it was to read your words. The lady in the picture is my Aunt Inez who was much like this character, Joe. She was ahead of her time and quite a pistol. I spent a couple of summers with her in my teens.

      You are the reigning Queen of words and get to wear the tiera all day and sit in the owner's booth with Dick watching the drama! Later a placque will be hung in your honor on the wall with the stuffed marlin. lol. Thanks, Amy.

      Peg

    • cygnetbrown profile image

      Cygnet Brown 

      6 years ago from Springfield, Missouri

      Hi Peg, I am still working with my editor friend--Megan. She's finishing the chapter by chapter, and I'm assessing her changes. I should be done in a couple of weeks, then she goes over a final edit. I've got a cover designed, so it's just all about the editing process. I look forward to sharing the finished product with you.

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      6 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Cygnet, What a pleasure it is to see you here. How is the book writing going? Hope all is well with you. Thanks for the encouragement on this. It almost feels like your NaMoWriMo challenge to crank out this volume of words. It has been like a flood after several decades of drought.

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      6 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Dusty my friend, I do thank you for your gracious visit and kind compliments on this story. You are such a master story spinner that I am not in the same league. I certainly hope that you will pursue the review of our esteemed collegues, Mckbirdbks and Snakeslane for the help they will give on your work. Thanks so much for the visit and I hope things straighten out on the RSS feed and such. I just keep on plodding through it best I can. I loved your comment.

      Peg

    • Amy Becherer profile image

      Amy Becherer 

      6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Perfect prelude to a mesmerizing story line, Peg. I love your original photographs, as they add so much visual interest to your story. I found the top photo so interesting I couldn't help but wonder who the attractive people in it are. Of course, I put Joe's name to the beautiful blonde. You write like a dream and I feel like I'm in the little joint watching the story unfold like a film. I'm looking forward to reading what's to come. Thank you

    • cygnetbrown profile image

      Cygnet Brown 

      6 years ago from Springfield, Missouri

      I'm enjoying the story, I can't wait to see chapter 2! (which I am going to read now!)

    • 50 Caliber profile image

      50 Caliber 

      6 years ago from Arizona

      Ms. Peg, a most inviting beginning that I had to drop back to catch after having my notifications on vacation and relying on the RSS Feed that has been lost on the new page format for some reason. (I've not changed and hope we are allowed to keep the old as I don't care much for the layout, I'm one of many though so before it is done I may be forced, but that's OK after all it is a free site that is in business and I understand changes to draw more in)

      Back to you and this writing, I love good fiction and the wait of a sharp hanging end to one chapter to the next and you did a fine job. Ms.Snake did a good job with her reply and I must mail her and Mike as well to get their opinion of a re-write to a piece I started but didn't seem to catch the fire to drive me onward with it, Maybe too long and needs broken up, or maybe it just plane sucked! LOL

      I get to go straight to part two now as it was in my mail.

      May the Blessings Be,

      dust

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      6 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Hello Integrity. Thank you for the visit and for the encouraging vote! Nice to see you today.

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      6 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Becky, Thanks for the advice. I am truly guilty of backtracking too much. Will try to move in a forward direction. I really do appreciate your input and your readership. Thank you so much for the encouragement and compliment. That means a great deal to me.

    • profile image

      IntegrityYes 

      6 years ago

      I definitely voted up.

    • Becky Katz profile image

      Becky Katz 

      6 years ago from Hereford, AZ

      I am hooked on this story now. I hope you are not going to edit it to death. It is wonderful now. I will be heading to part 2 now.

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      6 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Squid Lips! What a great name for a place. Maybe they were the same pelicans. This pic was from the other side of the Florida around Clearwater. Thanks for the drop in Mr. Love. That area around the Indian River and Sebastian is beautiful.

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      6 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Hi Mck. Thanks for all the help with talking it up at the cafe. I've been working on the second part hoping for some inspiration, putting some beach pictures in and editing etc.. Even Star Wars stormtroopers like roller coasters. I'm grateful for the positive response so far.

    • Mr Love Doctor profile image

      Mr Love Doctor 

      6 years ago from Puerto Rico

      Hey! Just got back from spending a week with family in Sebastian. We had dinner down at Squid Lips, a place for all the world like the Pub in your story. And I could swear, those pelicans look just like the one on the old fish-house piers sticking out here and there from the Indian River. (It's actually a freshwater bay, but the Spanish weren't so bright.) You don't happen to be anywhere near Sebastian, would you?

    • mckbirdbks profile image

      mckbirdbks 

      6 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Peg. I see people are lining up for your story and to ride the roller coaster with the Star Wars stormtroppers.

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      6 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Rosemay, I hope the volcanic ash has stopped falling on your area. I've been worried about you. Thanks for coming back for another read of this and for your thoughtful and uplifting remarks. Funny. Jim is wearing one of his favorite Tshirts with Star Wars Stormtroopers on a roller coaster ride, arms up in the air. Wheeeeeeeee!

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      6 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Hey there S. Lane, I like your ideas about Nancy (for the time being she's now Joe) and I will add some of her background in the next chapter or two. Loved bothTrixie Beldon and Ms. Drew and I can only hope to incorporate a degree of that mystery and intrigue we found in those books. V, thank you so much for the ongoing support on this one.

    • Rosemay50 profile image

      Rosemary Sadler 

      6 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

      Back for a second read and enjoyed it even more the second time around. The new and improved version, awesome. I can see that this is going to take us on a rollercoaster of a trip.

    • snakeslane profile image

      Verlie Burroughs 

      6 years ago from Canada

      Hi Peg, evesdropping on conversation here, telling it in first person is great. Narrator could easily introduce herself by telling a little of her background (which would be good) if she is to be a big part of the story we would like to know more about her and her special investigative mind set. Maybe she grew up reading Trixie Beldon or Nancy drew? Maybe her name is Nancy lolol.

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      6 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Excellent suggestion and I will implement that one, Mck. Great idea. I was trying to squeeze it into Chapter 2 which is in the slow cooker now simmering. I'll be by the cafe later to visit and have dessert. Thanks so much for the help!

      Peg

    • mckbirdbks profile image

      mckbirdbks 

      6 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      A reader wants to identify with the narrator, so a naming them helps with that. It could be as simple introduction like Bob calling her by name at the teller.

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      6 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Naming the protagonist is a good idea, Mck. I guess people want to know who is spilling the beans or at least have a name for all the characters. Some say to write in 3rd person though some of the modern writers tell it from the first person.

    • mckbirdbks profile image

      mckbirdbks 

      6 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Peg. Having taken the hint that a re-read was in order, I find the story even more compelling. I personally would name the protaganist. This has a ring of truth to it, which is very important for the success of a story.

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      6 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Ms. Lane! Thanks for rereading this and yes I did rewrite (again). I am my own worst enemy on the editing part. Sinister? Hopefully... And yes I truly do appreciate your candid remarks and helpful encouragement. It is quite welcome. You are great!

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      6 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Maria dahling, Thank you so much sista. You are such a gem.

    • snakeslane profile image

      Verlie Burroughs 

      6 years ago from Canada

      Peg I like the changes, you did rewrite didn't you? Or do I need new glasses? This is good! I keep hearing overtones of sinister undertones. Wicked! Cannot wait for next installment!

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 

      6 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

      I am boiling over with excitement... Sista, bring it on!

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      6 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Maria my sista,

      I will try to keep the dastardly doings to a maximum as the story moves forward in hopes to keep you "spellbound". What a nice thing to say! Old blue eyes is one bad actor that's for sure. Please stay tuned as the heat goes up in the kitchen. (I couldn't resist...)

      Thanks for the visit and votes.

      Love

      Peg

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      6 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Hello my friend Always,

      Indeed, what more could we ask for? Thanks for your visit and for your encouragement on this story. I will try to get the next chapter ready quickly. I do appreciate you so much.

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 

      6 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

      Sista, I am SERIOUSLY SPELLBOUND...! You immediately caught my attention, the pace is perfect and "dastardly" sounds divine... Oh those blue eyes are treacherous when you least expect...

      I am eager to follow this one. I know it's only SIMMERING...

      Voted UP and UABI. Love, Maria

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      6 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Wow Peg, Interesting story. It has it all, a pub, booze, a bank, a good looking Dude, food. Ha, What more could we ask for? Looking forward to the next chapter..

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      6 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Hello Cogerson. What a keen eye you have for detail. You have hit on a key to the story that will be revealed as things unfold. Thanks so much for the kind encouragement on this work in progress and for the votes! Cheers. Peg

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      6 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Thank you BlossomSB. I see that 'a' accolade on your avatar and will be checking you out as well. Nice to meet you.

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      6 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Hello Girishpuri and thanks for stopping in to read and vote. Much appreciated and hope you will return for Chapter 2.

    • Cogerson profile image

      UltimateMovieRankings 

      6 years ago from Virginia

      You have done a fantastic job of painting a wonderful picture at the Pub. A great start and I look forward to future installments. In one paragraph you have me interested in Jason....and if he is someone capable of fixing a problem or making the problem worse...voted up and interesting.

    • BlossomSB profile image

      Bronwen Scott-Branagan 

      6 years ago from Victoria, Australia

      Interesting beginning. I'll look forward to the next instalment.

    • girishpuri profile image

      Girish puri 

      6 years ago from NCR , INDIA

      Peg, a very interesting story and i do indeed enjoy it, voted interesting

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      6 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Thank you Randy. I love it too. And you should keep on going. You are definitely a great writer.

    • Randy Godwin profile image

      Randy Godwin 

      6 years ago from Southern Georgia

      Ha Peg, I'm merely a beginner at writing fiction but I do indeed enjoy it compared to the info type hubs I usually write here. As long as writing creatively is enjoyable for us, it is worth pursuing. Good luck and thanks for your kind encouragement! :)

      SSSSS

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      6 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Randy, It is such a pleasure to see you here. I am an amateur compared to your style and expertise and truly do appreciate your remarks. Thanks so much. Really.

      Peg

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      6 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Frank my detective style friend, I'm glad you took a look at this one. There are some dastardly deeds on the horizon and I hope I can do it the justice it deserves. I shall have to read more of your crime scene prose when the chapter arrives to pump myself up. Thanks again for your kindness. Peg

    • Randy Godwin profile image

      Randy Godwin 

      6 years ago from Southern Georgia

      A good beginning to an interesting plot this seems to be heading for, Peg. Will be looking for the next episode. Well written with great descriptions so far!

      Randy SSSSS

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 

      6 years ago from Shelton

      I like the well paced wording and the crisp clearity now I have to follow because it is a good start..but please if I miss an entry nudge me.... so I don't lose my place okay? Great share

    • snakeslane profile image

      Verlie Burroughs 

      6 years ago from Canada

      Hi Peg, it's left over from creative writing workshops I participated in. No stone was left unturned, the crtiques were tough, and then it was back to rewriting, I don't think anyone is ever satisfied (the writer especially), But at some point you just have to go with what you've got. I love the editing after publishing mode here on Hub Pages, it is really handy. A good way to work on the rough drafts, as long as readers are ok with it. If they're not they will probably let you know. I was hoping you would be ok with this kind of feedback. Thanks for letting me know it's ok. :) Coffee sure!

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      6 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Snakeslane, I should be paying you to write summaries for all my hubs. You nailed every detail and made me take a look at a couple of things as well. Watch out for rewrites. Things change on my hubs. I noticed you do that too! I love finding a good picture of something and adding to old hubs. Anyhow, thanks for the really great summation of the story and I hope over the next few chapters to answer a few of your questions. "Only the shadow knows..." heeheehoooohhaaa. See you for coffee?

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      6 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Mr. Mckbirdbks, so nice to see the real you (speaking of pictures). I was right about the self portrait but was mistaken about where I saw the illustration. It was on Snakeslane's hub, the garden lawnmower guy that you drew. Ah ha! Good one. And I like the suit pic too.

      Thanks for the encouragement on this new venture. I'll have to pep it up with some songs and poetry as the story evolves. First I must decide on the era. These pics are just place holders for the moment. Decisions...

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      6 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Sweet Minne Twin, Thank you for reading this first plunge into the story. As it evolves I hope it will be entertaining. I like button pushers. :)

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      6 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Hello there Drbj. Thanks for the visit. I really appreciate the encouragement on this one. It's been in the making for a very long time with multiple versions over the years. I'm hoping that seeing it in the light will keep me motivated, chapter 2 to be released once I stop "fixing" this one.

    • snakeslane profile image

      Verlie Burroughs 

      6 years ago from Canada

      Wow Peg, the heroine is stuck in a windowless garret counting piles of cash! Thank goodness she gets a free lunch. Setting is vivid, great detail. How does the main character just up and disappear? Where is Bob? What is going on with these people all being let go from their jobs? Why are new employees so eager to join up? Why did the narrator leave her good job at the bank for this? I want answers!!! Now I have to wait for Chapter two. This must be a novel. Peg, you've been holding out on us, awesome! Regards, snakeslane

    • mckbirdbks profile image

      mckbirdbks 

      6 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      You have painted a nice picture here. You have a unique style that will lead your readers along with you.

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 

      6 years ago from Minnesota

      Can't wait for more chapters on this series Peg. Great beginning that has me excited for more. I hit many buttons.

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 

      6 years ago from south Florida

      Well, I am already hooked, Peg, and looking forward to the next installment. Hope you and the Pub survive.

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      6 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Thanks SubRon. It's a work in progress and I'm already editing in the morning's light. Added a couple more photos and as I run across new ones will add more. So nice to see you today and I hope all is going well on your home improvement project and the book sales.

    • SubRon7 profile image

      James W. Nelson 

      6 years ago from eastern North Dakota

      Interesting story, Peg, and that office sounds like it took a bit of courage even to enter. Looking forward to your next installment.

    • PegCole17 profile imageAUTHOR

      Peg Cole 

      6 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Hello Rosemay. It's only a rough beginning that I hope to refine a little more as the story goes along. Glad to get it out there so I'll be more inclined work on it. Thank you for the votes and for stopping by.

      Cheers!

      Peg

    • Rosemay50 profile image

      Rosemary Sadler 

      6 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

      Awesome start to this series Peg. It sounds as though it is going to have a bit of everything. Can't wait to read the next part.

      You have my votes

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)