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The Rise and Flow of the Way Things Go
When You're On Your Own You Have To Be On Your Own
The smile and light that comes to your eyes is unlike anything I've ever seen. Your joy to just be alive astounds me every day, as does your understanding of your own self worth.You've never truly felt despair which is something I can only dream of.
Which is why I can no longer let this continue.
You have a touch that could stop a war, but not the one going on in my mind, and I have to fight this battle by myself.
There is something about the way your hands are always creating and building that can bring hope to someone with an endlessly restless mind. But I don't think there are any tools you could use to fix this brokenness.
You have so much light that it makes me blind, forcing me into darkness.
You have so much presence that I'm searching for absence.
You have so much love that I'm searching for loss.
Your smile fills an entire room with a force of lightning and I've always loved storms.
But you've never been a storm.
You've never been the cloud, the rain, the thunder, the flood.
You've always been the sun.
And I've always been the moon.
You don't deserve the clouds and chill I bring that cover up your warm glow.
Yet, you've somehow found a way to shine right through them.
But I can no longer let you burn through my despair. The fire has become unbearable, and this eternal winter can no longer take it.
I'm sorry I have to leave you to shine on your own. But you're so good at it, and it is time for me to become my own fire.
And I can't do it with you.
They told me that if I want to be on my own, then I must be on my own.
So I will face this winter with brute force. I will not let the chill slow me, or the snow blur my vision.I will charge into the spring and be the flower that grows through the freezing ground. I will blossom until the ice melts and I am light again.
On my own.
I will never be able to thank you enough for giving me the courage to do this, but I think you knew what you were doing the whole time.
On your own.