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The Shell Of My Heart

Updated on October 27, 2011



Kicking the dirt as I walked around the pond, a yellowish white duck swimming in the pond with some of its ducklings just makes me wish that I have a warm family. My dream...is to have a warm family...a family who get together, help each other, and love each other...just everything that good families do. Warm tears start falling from my eyes caressing my cheek as I sat down at a grassy area resting my chin on my knee. Another thing that I ever wished for is to get married. I want to get married to my fiancé...have a big home to live together and have two great kids. But the dream was too much that it won’t come true...my stupidity I should blame that made me suffer till today. I looked upon other people needs than my own.

I never knew what I need in my life until I lost everything that I use to own. I bring paycheck home to my family...support them...and when I lost my job...they walked away from me leaving me empty hand but a broken heart. When times I wanted to get married, I cannot get married because I don’t have income. Being 22 and betrayed at a very young age...it’s a big lesson of life that I had ever learned. The good thing is my fiancé still loves me and he worked hard to bring back what I have lost. When I see him worked really hard...tears form my eyes and I blame everything on myself. How can I be so stupid? Why did I not think about my own future? Why? I’m sitting down hitting myself on the head with my own fist hoping that it could take out all of my stupidity.

Words just don’t sound right in my head at this moment of time because I’m very depressed. Even though I am currently working but it would take years to earn all the money that I lost. It’s just not going to be the same. My marriage became a mute...all we thought is work work work. All my family side thought about is making their way in to be a problem to my life. Thousands of tears like rain drops soaked my face as I wipe it away with my T-shirt. I put a fake smile on my face and stretch as I’m taking a deep breath of fresh air to bring new energetic feeling to my heart. I got up walking and just enjoying the sunset.

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    • chanroth profile image
      Author

      chanroth 6 years ago from California, USA

      Hi lyns, you are right, it's such a relieve to express our feeling....thank you! :) I hope you too have a wonderful day.

    • lyns profile image

      lyns 6 years ago from USA

      Chanroth, your are welcome, I am thankful we have this outlet to express our pain too, it's such a relieve, I will be visiting your area to read some more of your creative writings, I trying to make my rounds and my novel. I hope you have a wonderful day, keep writing those creative hubs and keep up the good work. lyns

    • chanroth profile image
      Author

      chanroth 6 years ago from California, USA

      Hello Derdriu, thank you! :)

    • profile image

      Derdriu 6 years ago

      Chanroth: Creativity and insight can be a side effect of a struggling life, just as the butterfly fights to emerge from the cocoon. But your expressiveness, imagery and sentiments still will be there when your life sorts out: You have insight and talent as well as the know-how to channel them.

      Thank you, voted up, and all categories as well,

      Derdriu

    • chanroth profile image
      Author

      chanroth 6 years ago from California, USA

      Hi Lyns, you are right, it is amazing how things we go through is where our talent grows...it's just amazing. Thank You.

    • lyns profile image

      lyns 6 years ago from USA

      "Shell of my heart", Chanroth, you are welcome, you know it's amazing how threw the things we go through that hurt us most is where the beauty of our talents are born, you're in my prayers, I will share my story one day on here as well... keep writing and sharing your hubs, you never know who needs to here it, Have a wonderful evening...

      lyns 10/28/11 8p----

    • chanroth profile image
      Author

      chanroth 6 years ago from California, USA

      Hi moonlightened and makusr, thank you! @makusr, that was what the whole thing was about. I'm glad you caught it! Thank you.

      Chanroth

    • makusr profile image

      Manoj Kumar Srivastava 6 years ago from India

      chanroth,

      Greetings from MAKUSR. What you have told in this story touches me somewhere. It is correct. Before helping everybody help yourself. But then the old light house. THE HOPE. Very good piece!

      Lots of Love,

      MAKUSR

    • Moon Lightened profile image

      Moon Lightened 6 years ago from Delhi, India

      An honest heart can never be crushed.

    • chanroth profile image
      Author

      chanroth 6 years ago from California, USA

      Hi raciniwa, nisa, Gypsy & lyns, thank you all for your support. I wrote this on a tough moment...and I'm glad that you all felt what I felt. It's a bless to have my feeling be expressed and in return someone to talk to...haha...you all made me smile and thank you. Warmest hug from afar. Be bless!

      Chanroth

    • lyns profile image

      lyns 6 years ago from USA

      Thanks for sharing your personal story, you have been through a great deal like most of us, I enjoyed your story thanks for sharing I voted up, interesting, awesome. It's good to know that you have someone special in your life that is standing by your side, everything will get better as the days go by. I hope you have a wonderful day. 10/27 1:28am

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 6 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      Hey it's always darkest before the dawn. Anyway we can't let life take us down. Count all of your blessings especially that man of yours and you will see life will be sunny again.

    • profile image

      Nisa 6 years ago

      I'm with raciniwa, when there is life there will always be hope. Remember...you have a friend...your fiance is beside and he's doing his best to get you through this trouble. Even though I know that you have more than what you have posted in this article, I know that your a survivor. You know why I know? You beat a lot of odds that I may not beat if I were to live your life. Oh and when will you submit the next part of "Fat land of golden spoon" are you flaking out? LOL....

    • raciniwa profile image

      raciniwa 6 years ago from Naga City, Cebu

      when there's life there's hope...experiences are lessons in life and how you would go through about it...you're lucky because you have your fiance is still with you...

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