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The Shell Of My Heart
Kicking the dirt as I walked around the pond, a yellowish white duck swimming in the pond with some of its ducklings just makes me wish that I have a warm family. My dream...is to have a warm family...a family who get together, help each other, and love each other...just everything that good families do. Warm tears start falling from my eyes caressing my cheek as I sat down at a grassy area resting my chin on my knee. Another thing that I ever wished for is to get married. I want to get married to my fiancé...have a big home to live together and have two great kids. But the dream was too much that it won’t come true...my stupidity I should blame that made me suffer till today. I looked upon other people needs than my own.
I never knew what I need in my life until I lost everything that I use to own. I bring paycheck home to my family...support them...and when I lost my job...they walked away from me leaving me empty hand but a broken heart. When times I wanted to get married, I cannot get married because I don’t have income. Being 22 and betrayed at a very young age...it’s a big lesson of life that I had ever learned. The good thing is my fiancé still loves me and he worked hard to bring back what I have lost. When I see him worked really hard...tears form my eyes and I blame everything on myself. How can I be so stupid? Why did I not think about my own future? Why? I’m sitting down hitting myself on the head with my own fist hoping that it could take out all of my stupidity.
Words just don’t sound right in my head at this moment of time because I’m very depressed. Even though I am currently working but it would take years to earn all the money that I lost. It’s just not going to be the same. My marriage became a mute...all we thought is work work work. All my family side thought about is making their way in to be a problem to my life. Thousands of tears like rain drops soaked my face as I wipe it away with my T-shirt. I put a fake smile on my face and stretch as I’m taking a deep breath of fresh air to bring new energetic feeling to my heart. I got up walking and just enjoying the sunset.