The Six Types of Bohemians

I'm going to start this off with what I believe the colloquial definition of bohemian should be. A bohemian is any individual who makes some sort of, "counter-culture," the centerpiece of their personality in lieu of anything more interesting to place at the forefront of their being. Basically, a bohemian appropriates some form of culture and touts it as the superior lifestyle, then pretends as if they aren't totally dependent on the perceptions of others for their entire persona.

I am, of course, being absolutely facetious and unfair so let's give the literal definition of bohemian to balance things out: "A socially unconventional person, especially one who is involved in the arts. Socially unconventional in an artistic way."

Now that we have our palates prepared for what we are about to consume, let's get to exploring the different types of bohemians.

Here in California I find this type of bohemian everywhere I go, the true hippies are few and far between, however. Normally I find these types down in Santa Monica twirling about on the boardwalk, but a local organic farm or cult is another suggestion for finding this creature out and about. The telltale signs of a hippy are their smell (sage, patchouli, marijuana), voice (usually drawn out, says 'man' after everything, talks about peace and love non-stop), and what I could only describe as neon, "lazy day," attire.

The hippy, despite their unhealthy obsession with all things peace, love, and drugs, tend to be harmless specimens. That is to say, the modern hippy is harmless unless incited to violence by one of their bohemian counterparts. A hippy's biggest weakness is their sycophantic peers.

Don't eat their mushrooms, hahaha!

The sycophant is the bohemian who is always agreeing with every person in their group, and by every person of course I mean only those who hold sway in the group. Rarely does the sycophant break ranks from their group, but if a more popular group of bohemians is around and disagrees with their usual herd then the sycophant will drop their previous muses like a hot potato. When the sycophant sees a chance for moving up the social echelons, they will stomp out any friendship they've developed to do so.

You have to determine who the bohemian sycophants are early, because they are like weeds in a garden that spread their callousness uncontrollably. When people get put down by the sycophant, but then see them rise to higher popularity, their bruised egos tend to see them adopting the same tactics. Be sure not to fight the sycophant directly, this will only make you look jealous.

Beware the sycophantic bohemian, they will sooner put a knife in your back than rush to your defense.

The intellectual bohemian is probably the most irritating of all the types listed here, and this is because they destroy an entire counter-culture, appropriating it and then looking down on the true practitioners of the culture itself. Yes, I'm talking about 'nerd' culture here. The intellectual bohemian thinks buying some big-rimmed, non-prescription glasses and throwing on some rainbow overalls with a pocket protector as they play Pokémon GO somehow makes them an intellectual 'nerdy' type.

If you are a true fan of something often considered 'nerdy' then be careful if you share an interest in common with this bohemian. They are making 'nerdy' and 'intellectual' sexy by learning as little surface information as they can and distracting people with smoke and mirrors. Your deep interest in anime, to the point of having, "fangasms," is going to intimidate and ultimately distance you from this shallow creature.

Don't confuse this type for a nerd, they are nerd chic!

Despite being as deep as a murky rain puddle that is evaporating on a hot summer day, this specimen tends to be one of my favorites to be around. You might ask, "How could you enjoy being around a boor?" and I'd say it is because the bohemian boor is anti-culture. The boor is the bad-boy of bohemian behavior, and they tend to accept just about anyone who'll put up with their attitude.

These are typically despised by the upper echelons of bohemian culture if they are not of a highly popular status or tasteful disposition. In this group you'll find a lot of fashionistas like pseudo-goths, pseudo-emos, pseudo-punks, etc. Outspoken is an understatement for this type, because if one is around you can be damn sure their presence will be known. If it isn't their standout attire, it will be their loud and unabashed expression of every view and opinion grabbing your attentions.

These creatures make amazing friends, even if they hurt your feelings every now and again they don't really mean to.

I'd say this is the most banal and benign of all the bohemian classes, and this is because all this type wants to do is loudly express themselves and get all sorts of attention for it. They dress how they want, say what they want, and do whatever they want; so long as there is a camera taking pictures, a video crew filming, or a crowd watching this bohemian feels right at home.

Typically we see this type of bohemian at festivals indulging in all sorts of debauchery, what distinguishes them from any other degenerate is their absolute frivolous throwing of caution into the wind and true love for it. Flamboyant bohemians live for the uppers, and if you toss them a downer they are quick to forget your name until you come back with that high-energy promise. Publicity, worship, and overall hedonistic imbibing is the driving force of this enigma.

If you can't keep up with the flamboyant, don't try; you might die in the process!

The boho boss has turned being bohemian into a 24/7 career, these are the trendsetters, the pinnacle of bohemian life, and the role model to every other class of bohemians. This bohemian seems to have sold their soul to the devil for unending aesthetic and capacity for artistic persuasion. Boho bosses can make the most off-putting actions seem like an artistic endeavor.

If you ever get the chance to come across one of these types you're either going to feel right at home, or you're going to envy them and fail at competing with their aesthetic existence. Nevertheless, this type is going to welcome you with open arms so long as you express a taste for the arts, culture, and higher experience. Basically, if you're within the inner circle of this being then you're going to be so busy delving into bohemian experience that you won't ever need to worry about being bored again.

The boho boss is the pinnacle of bohemian society, they are the rarest creature of them all!

No matter which bohemian class you are it is important and awesome that you are immersing yourself in culture and the arts. You are assisting in keeping the aesthetic cycle moving, and the more people you attract to the arts the more artists get out of the devastating cycle of poverty through community building. That's one thing I see bohemians doing that is progressively ahead of the curve, sharing everything they have for the betterment of themselves and those around them.

Let's all get a little bohemian flavor in our lives!