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The Slight Sound of Crackling Fear

Updated on September 1, 2014


It was a Sunday night when she heard the slight sound of crackling fear. The abducted sixteen year old high school student crawled toward the Casco factory window that over looked the street across from the partially torn down Yankee Candle factory.

She had been staring out that third floor window with her feet and hands tied, watching the traffic on Railroad Avenue trickle in the late evening. She tried shouting at the small crowd getting off and on bus number six, but no one heard her.

Then that once crackling fear ripped right through her tiny frame when she saw her captor. He was coming back to finish what he had started. That was the only thing that crossed her mind. He was a tall, dark skinned man wearing a brimmed cap with a red and white BMW logo. He was walking from a black pick-up truck parked on the other side of Bostwick Avenue.

The young woman couldn’t see much more then that because of her restraints and the angle from the window. But what she saw was enough to make her shiver, and in that there was no doubt.

The dark stranger finally reached her on the third floor of that factory room. The first thing he did was scan the room for some clues that would tell him what the girl was up to. However, there was nothing, no indication at all. His prisoner didn’t even try to escape.

He knew that visuals couldn’t really tell him that she didn’t try anything. He simply had to beat it out of her.

“Hello… is there anyone here?” Someone called from below her window.

The dark stranger’s teeth grated. “If he finds you, I will kill you both.”

Her eyes went wide, but she said nothing.

The dark stranger went on, compounding his threat. “I will cut your throat slowly and watch you bleed out.”

He capped his threat with the most compelling remark he could voice to make her understand how serious he was. “I will then rape you while you’re dying.”

For a moment, the prisoner remained still. The dark stranger didn’t know if his threat was understood. He could feel the blood rushing to his face. All right, he thought. Maybe she needed something a little more tangible. Something that would reinforce the threat, give it some teeth.

Suddenly, she opened her mouth to speak. “I will keep quiet.”

The dark stranger smiled. His eyes seemingly devoid of emotion, they were as haunting as his actions.

“Hello,” someone called from outside the room they were in. “Is there anyone here?”

The muscles worked in the dark stranger’s temples. He seemed to be struggling with carrying out the threats he made moments earlier. It was an intrusion he had not expected.

For a moment, the dark stranger felt an urge to kill. He wanted to tear the young girl limb from limb, like a ravening beast. He felt that she betrayed him, and she should pay for such betrayal. Then the moment subsided. Taking a deep breath, he just spat at the girl’s feet. The prisoner barely flinched.

Turning toward the door, the dark stranger realized there was an option. He could lure the man inside using the prisoner to call out and then he would jump into action. He would kill the Samaritan for his arrogance and stupidity. There was a slight turn of the door knob and the shuffling of feet. The Samaritan’s abject stupidity was the dark stranger’s opportunity. Walking in with no knowledge of what was going to happen was indeed a predictable reaction. The door opened slowly creaking as the space widened. The dark stranger did not move directly toward the door, but quickly behind it.

The Samaritan could hear breathing as he walked in completely unaware of his fate. “Is anyone in here?”

The Samaritan opened his eyes with a start. It took him a moment or two to realize what was happening. The young girl blinked with a motion that signified that someone was standing behind the door. He muffled a curse as the dark stranger leveled a glance at him that could have shattered glass. His mouth twisted as if he’d caught a whiff of something distasteful.

The blow knocked him to the floor, but he got to his feet a little too quickly for the dark stranger’s taste. The dark stranger shot toward him with a kitchen knife in hand but missed completely. The Samaritan moved to one side and kicked the dark stranger on the small of the back. He then picked up a two by four and swung it violently hitting the target in the mouth as the dark stranger was turning around. The knife fell out of his hands and directly in front of the Samaritan.

The dark stranger looked at the knife and then back at the Samaritan barely bothering to conceal his annoyance. They both charged at the knife, and it was indeed a method born of the same instinct called survival. The two rolled on the factory floor several times before the dark stranger had total control of the knife. However, that control was not what he had intended. The knife was sticking out of his chest and it clearly punctured his heart. His life began to deteriorate as he stared at the Samaritan briefly.

The Samaritan crawled over to the young girl and quickly untied her, releasing her from her restraints. She jumped into his arms and held onto him for dear life.

“You’re okay now, you’re okay.”

She saw the dark stranger crumbled on the floor from her peripherals and closed her eyes feeling raw hatred and relief at the same time. The slight sound of crackling fear dwindled down to complete silence…






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© 2013 Frank Atanacio

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    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 3 years ago from southern USA

      Hi Dearest Frank,

      I hate to be the first one to comment, but being I am a "faithful" follower :) I will be happy to be the first on this amazing piece of writing here!

      That dark stranger certainly is dark indeed to say the least. Superb write here and your title is so very appropriate, as this write certainly evokes such fear.

      Voted up +++ and sharing

      (oh man, my sharing buttons are not showing on my end, but I shall return)

      God bless, Faith Reaper

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
      Author

      Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton

      AAHHH Faith you certianly put the Faith in Faithful following.. bless you a million times over... Faithfully a friend Frank Triple FFF BOOOYAAAA

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 3 years ago

      You are the greatest living writer at de Hub. Period.

      And talk about divine intervention.

      Look who is on your page - Billy Graham who once said about you:

      Oh God I don't know how he does it.

    • Becky Katz profile image

      Becky Katz 3 years ago from Hereford, AZ

      Well, you definitely had me holding my breath in anticipation of this ending.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
      Author

      Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton

      epi you too kind sir and Becky always good to see you

    • Seeker7 profile image

      Helen Murphy Howell 3 years ago from Fife, Scotland

      Startling and intense as ever!! I had to force myself to slow down a little as I was rushing to get to the end to see what would happen! I never know just what twist and turns your narratives will take and this was a joy! An intense journey with an ending that was like a breath of fresh air - a light even in the darkest corners! It was a huge relief to know the young girl was safe!

      Awesome + voted up!!

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
      Author

      Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton

      thank you so much seeker for that genuine comment bless you

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 3 years ago from Wales

      Wow Frank ;powerful and gripping are understatements here.

      Brilliant and voted up.

      Enjoy your weekend.

      Eddy.

    • profile image

      Valleypoet 3 years ago

      Frank, you kept the suspense going right the way through this story. It turned out to be a tale of true heroism....great storytelling buddy; in my view you are second to none on hubpages in crime story writing...:-))

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
      Author

      Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton

      thanks so much Valley that really does mean alot to me coming from someone with poetry skills bless you bro:)

    • BlossomSB profile image

      Bronwen Scott-Branagan 3 years ago from Victoria, Australia

      Frank, that was really scary. Right up until the last minute I couldn't tell what was going to happen. I loved the way you linked it with the story of the Good Samaritan. Blessings.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 3 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

      We still in fear right along with her as we read each riveting line, hoping that someone will come to save her. This is one dark and intense ride, Frank. Wow! Voted UAI. Very well done!

    • wayne barrett profile image

      Wayne Barrett 3 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Oh man, this one had a happy ending. I didn't know which way you were going to go. You definitely take your readers on a roller-coaster ride!

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
      Author

      Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton

      Eddy thank you so much :)

    • profile image

      Ruchira 3 years ago

      Gosh...frank you did it again.

      Very captivating story line! Sharing it across

    • Ruchira profile image

      Ruchira 3 years ago from United States

      Gosh...frank you did it again.

      Very captivating story line! Sharing it across

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 3 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      That was one thrilling story. I was longing to have a heavy frying pan to knock the creep over the head with. Great rescue. Passing this on.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
      Author

      Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton

      thank you so much Wayne Barrett, Blossoms and Genna East for visiting my crackling fear :)

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
      Author

      Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton

      thank you Ruch and again Ruch and Gypsy Rose Lee for visiting :)

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Isaac Weithers 3 years ago from The Caribbean

      "The door opened slowly creaking as the space widened." I always like the suspense in your stories. The rescue makes one sigh relief. Another good one, Frank!

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
      Author

      Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton

      thank you kindly MsDora :)

    • beatboxer profile image

      Mark Beattie 3 years ago from Scotland

      Truly gripping stuff. I was captivated from the first paragraph to the last. Brilliant!

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
      Author

      Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton

      thank you beatboxer :)

    • xstatic profile image

      Jim Higgins 3 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

      Suspense and terror Frank! This one had me going!

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
      Author

      Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton

      thanks X-man bless you :)

    • Jackie Lynnley profile image

      Jackie Lynnley 3 years ago from The Beautiful South

      Sooo good, what more can I say? This had a good twist, I don't like the bad ones. Death doesn't seem so bad if it is happening to the bad people, lol.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
      Author

      Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton

      thanks Jackie :)

    • thelyricwriter profile image

      Richard Ricky Hale 3 years ago from West Virginia

      Up, awesome, and interesting Frank. Shared as well. Love the last paragraph, that is deep. I guessed wrong so you got me! Always a joy to read Frank. Will share this as well.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
      Author

      Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton

      thanks so much thelyricwriter

    • Vinaya Ghimire profile image

      Vinaya Ghimire 3 years ago from Nepal

      Frank,

      I read this story with mixed emotions. You as a writer has an ability to engage five senses of the reader.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
      Author

      Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton

      thanks again Vin bless you

    • LadyFiddler profile image

      Joanna Chandler 3 years ago from On planet Earth

      WAW Frank very tasty story lol. Keeps the reader engulfed . Hey i am doing up a new website and i want to use poems from my fav hubbers if you don't mind you can send me two of you best poems to absonlinework@live.com email asap i please mark frank in the subject so i will know even if it gets lost in my junk. I will send you a link to my site when i've complete it.

      Thank Alot

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
      Author

      Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton

      sure lady and thank you for popping by :)

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