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The Sneaky Cows (a shout out to my peeps)

Updated on August 10, 2009

A Sneaky Cow

Sneaky Cows

Once there were these Sneaky Cows and they lived in the tall tall grass and they said, "Moo..heh heh. Moo," and they tried to bite me.

A government experiment gone wrong. The Sneaky Cows were a genetic project to "make a better beef." Only the strongest and most elite cows were used in the breeding process. Their DNA was spliced by the elusive Dr. Slone of the FDA. He used DNA extracted from fossilized allosaurus eggs and throuroughbred racehorses. The result, Grade A Evil. Strong cows with beautiful silken jersey coats, and a taste for carnage...

My friend Amber and I were cruising down the highway, just outside of Jamestown, OH. This was the old rural route, the Bypass had been built just two years before, and no one ever came out this way anymore. We liked to go for rides sometimes and just enjoy the scenery, talking like girls do, about boys and breadsticks; and our next plot to sneak out at night and steal some kisses. We were riding with the windows down, enjoying the smell of grass and aging corn. The old dodge was our chariot in a world waiting for us to carelessly run over it.

"Oh damn," said Amber. She rarely swore. The dodge slowed and came to rest on the shoulder. We were out of gas again. "Stupid scratchies," I said. We had wasted the last of our cash on scratch off tickets at the grocery store. We lost. This was of course, before everyone on the planet had a cell phone. Hell, my parents didn't even have one. "What now?" I asked. "We wait," she said. We settled down in the grass in front of the car and chatted a bit, waiting for someone to drive by.

The tall grass beside the road began to rustle and sway.  "What's that?" I asked, a little alarmed.  Amber seemed nonplussed.  "Probably a ground hog."  The grass was so tall I couldn't see into it.  It shivered as if in a strong wind.  "Can't be," I said, "too big."  "There's nothing out here but farm land," she said. 

Slowly, as if just registering with my consciousness for the first time, I heard it.  There was a low mooing.  It seemed to come from all around us.  "See," said Amber.  "It's just some stupid cows.

(To be Continued...)

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