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The Stupidest Baby Names in the World

Updated on October 27, 2015

I've always thought it clever to name twin girls Chlorine and Fluorine (a close tie with Chlorine and Cloret). I'm just joking, of course, but real people routinely affix much stupider names to their babies. What are they thinking? Don't they realize that their kids will have to wear these names like weights around their necks for a lifetime?

One could blame this on the marriage of dumb and dumber, but some sublimely stupid names have been inflicted on the children of movie stars and other celebrities. Of course, being a celebrity doesn't necessarily mean you're not stupid. But even if that were the case, a rich and famous celebrity could pay someone to produce a winning moniker, just like Guinness paid big bucks for the name Diageo … well, let's forget that last comment.

Chlorine and Fluorine?
Chlorine and Fluorine? | Source

Sympathy for the Devil

MSNBC chimes in with a host of incredibly inept appellations on their website. Who would name their child Cook Cook? Someone named Cook, I'd guess, and not a very smart one. Ditto for Lust, Greed, Avarice and Sloth (not a bad name for a law firm, come to think of it). What's next? Easy? Cheap? People, it's never good to select your child's name as if you're trying to win a joke contest.

Oh No They Didn't! reports that an Egyptian man named his daughter Facebook in honor of that site's role in the protests against then-president Hosni Mubarak. We can all give thanks that our friends at PornHub and naughty.com weren't instrumental in the popular uprising. In any case, you might cut some slack to someone from a non-English-speaking country, at least if facebook were an English word, which it isn't, so scratch that excuse.

Most Popular Baby Names

Year
Boy
Girl
2012
Jacob
Sophia
2011
Jacob
Sophia
2010
Jacob
Isabella
2000
Jacob
Emily
1990
Michael
Jessica
1980
Michael
Jennifer
1970
Michael
Jennifer
1960
David
Mary
1950
James
Linda
1940
James
Mary
1930
Robert
Mary
1920
John
Mary
1910
John
Mary
Source: Social Security Administration

A few kids have been named Lucifer. Perhaps the proud parents can sacrifice a goat each year on the little tyke's birthday. Don't try this trick in New Zealand. The Economist reports that the island nation's government rejected this one, along with V8, Anal and Christ. Ditto for numbers and punctuation marks. That's just as good. I mean, what's the nickname for "&"? Name a kid after a punctuation mark and his nickname will be longer than his name.

The BBC reports that several nations, including Germany, Sweden, China, Iceland and Japan, put restrictions on baby names. After 15 years, the parents of Blaer Eidsdottir emerged victorious from an Icelandic court after the country had nixed the girl's name, claiming it was a male name. Iceland has a list of approved 1,853 female names and 1,712 male names. Parents can request approval of a name not on the list.

This might be someone's name.
This might be someone's name. | Source

Some governments limit the length of a name. New Zealand allows 100 characters, and Massachusetts 40, says The Economist. Who could think of a name that's 100 characters long? That's not a name; it's a paragraph.

In 2008, New York Times writer John Tierney (now there's a solid name like we all got when I was a lad) crowned Miss Iona Knipl as the winner of the Worst Bad Name Contest. Personally, I would have strongly considered Rainbow Traut and her father Brook as co-champions, but he didn't ask me.

MommyQ lists some exquisitely bad names, which they claim came from the Census. I believe we'll have to crown Ms. Emma Royd the winner on their list. And I would be remiss not to mention Al Caholic (thanks to Bart Simpson), which came in high on several lists.

The Mother of all Stinkers

Mister Poll produced a deep list of stinkers in its poll for “The WORST Bad Baby Names of 2005”. (This site might warrant an entry for the most redundant title of the year, unless a competitor has a “worst, baddest, most bad” list.)

The list includes some of the most hideous abuses of the apostrophe known to man, not to mention names that trump these with both an apostrophe and a hyphen. Good luck in life to babies D'aSiyahna R'yaire, N'finique and JaKeil'a Ta-Shay. These kids won't even be able to spell their names until they're well into their twenties.

"Please give me a name I can pronounce."
"Please give me a name I can pronounce." | Source

Mister Poll also unearths some creative (if you can call it that) spellings, or perhaps I should say misspellings. Poor Jermichael will answer to “Jerm” at least through grade school, and one can't help thinking that “Jerk” will work its way in there, unless kids have suddenly changed after several millennia. And little Ssamuel will likely become a stutterer merely by uttering his name. These kids are boys, if you haven't guessed. Among their female counterparts are Feonyx, whose name resembles that of a New York borough, and Knelee, which seems to be some contraction of genuflection and an athletic feat.

I wonder if Ambiance is a quiet child, and whether she (or he) has a louder sibling named Ambulance. What if Demokrat becomes a Republikan? Is Chianti prone to whining? I leave you to ponder these questions, and implore you to do your level best when it comes time to name a person who will share your surname. Or is that Surinam?

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    • giocatore profile image
      Author

      giocatore 3 years ago

      Cute!

    • profile image

      Gary Oransky 3 years ago

      I Worked In A Pediatric Emergency Room In The Bronx For 5 Years And I Kept A Running List Of Names.

      My Favorite Were The Sisters Lyberti & Justyce.

    • giocatore profile image
      Author

      giocatore 5 years ago

      That's interesting. Thanks for sharing your perspective.

    • ar.colton profile image

      Mikal Smith 5 years ago from Vancouver, B.C.

      As a person with a name that is uncommon, pronounced bizarrely and constantly mispelled I have to say that people tend to wildly overestimate how bad it is to have a weird name. Very few people made fun of me in school and as an adult I get a lot of, "That's interesting". That being said, my name is not Anal.

    • giocatore profile image
      Author

      giocatore 5 years ago

      Thanks, glad you enjoyed. Cheers.

    • LABrashear profile image

      LABrashear 5 years ago from My Perfect Place, USA

      So funny! It took us forever to pick names because every name I'd offer up, my husband would find a rude little rhyme to go with it. He was thinking ahead for mean kids. Voted up and shared!

    • giocatore profile image
      Author

      giocatore 5 years ago

      Thanks very much, Jim

    • profile image

      sarvamitra 5 years ago

      oh, this is very funny.

    • giocatore profile image
      Author

      giocatore 5 years ago

      Thanks, suziecat7. You really do wonder what people are thinking! Cheers, Jim

    • suziecat7 profile image

      suziecat7 5 years ago from Asheville, NC

      Very funny - loved it. I once knew this couple with the last name "Case". They named their son Justin. What are people thinking? Great Hub - rated up and I'm a fan.

    • giocatore profile image
      Author

      giocatore 5 years ago

      Melovy, I wasn't aware of the celebrity baby name changes. Thanks for sharing that.

    • Melovy profile image

      Yvonne Spence 5 years ago from UK

      Oh, this is funny - though also sad for the poor afflicted kids. I read about New Zealand’s policy recently too, and had to wonder at some of the names that kids had been saved from.

      Some celebrity kids change their names: Zowie Bowie (David’s son) is now Duncan Jones, while Zowie Bowie live on in the form of a rock band that plays at Vegas!

    • giocatore profile image
      Author

      giocatore 5 years ago

      Thanks. I hope your kids do well in canine obedience school.

    • RN Rita profile image

      RN Rita 5 years ago

      This was pretty funny. I've always loved seeing and laughed at the names celebrities have chosen. I guess they want their children to stand out. I hope my kids, Socks and Boots, do, as well!

    • giocatore profile image
      Author

      giocatore 5 years ago

      Thanks. Pajamas is a good one!

    • sgbrown profile image

      Sheila Brown 5 years ago from Southern Oklahoma

      I truly don't know what some of these people are thinking, obviously ther are not, thinking, or just don't care. I had a lady come to my office one time, she said her childs name was Pajamus. (This is how she pronounced it.) It was spelled Pajamas! I don't think she knew how to read! Poor kid! Voted this up and interesting. Thanks for sharing! :)

    • giocatore profile image
      Author

      giocatore 5 years ago

      I'm not sure why celebs play the name game, but they certainly do. I suppose if one were to tally all the names that the number of unusual ones might not be that high. This calls for research! We might also discover that they don't do it as much as others. When they do it, the whole world knows. Cheers.

    • oceansnsunsets profile image

      Paula 5 years ago from The Midwest, USA

      You make some interesting points here. Its hard to not want to laugh but these people are really named these kind of strange names. It gives the impression of really trying too hard sometimes. I notice it a lot with celebrities that are having babies. They are trying harder than ever to get a name that no one could ever google, for instance. That way, later when people do google it, their child will be one of the only or only people coming up? Who knows! Strange world, but strange things happen all the time.

    • giocatore profile image
      Author

      giocatore 5 years ago

      Dweezil seems to have done okay. I don't know what became of Seven McDonald.

    • lilmissmontana profile image

      Erin Nichols 5 years ago from Montana

      I think these are extremely strange, however I have a tendency to lean towards strange names....Not this strange. I suppose you would call them unique names.

      Nothing wrong with a unique name. I just think these parents should think about their child's future and how people will tease their children for having a funny name.

      I have to agree with Simone, Dweezil is my favorite by far!!!!

    • giocatore profile image
      Author

      giocatore 5 years ago

      Back in the sixties, Country Joe McDonald named his child Seven. Years later on Seinfeld, George was obsessed with that name, but I don't think they realized that name had been used. Cheers.

    • Simone Smith profile image

      Simone Haruko Smith 5 years ago from San Francisco

      Wow. Some of these are pure GOLD! Nevertheless, Dweezil and Moon Unit will always be my favorites.

    • musclequest profile image

      musclequest 5 years ago from Johannesburg,South Africa

      I would first make sure its easy to pronounce and read, doesn't rhyme with any bad things,excuse family names and then choose...

    • Ann Marie Dwyer profile image

      Ann Marie Dwyer 5 years ago from South Carolina, USA

      It never ceases to amaze me what names parents hang on their children. Call me prudent, but I always passed my children's potential names by hubs (AKA Mr. Sarcasm) to see what horrid nicknames he would provide. Always good insight into what other little urchins may say in grade school (read the office).

      Red.

    • Millionaire Tips profile image

      Shasta Matova 5 years ago from USA

      I wanted to name my daughter Diarrhea. It has a pretty sound to it, don't you think.

    • meganlsmith3 profile image

      meganlsmith3 5 years ago from Texas

      Thanks for the laugh. When nameing our 3 kids we took everything into consideration from nicknames they might be given to what their initials spell. As you said, the poor child is stuck with this for life. Come on parents...

    • giocatore profile image
      Author

      giocatore 5 years ago

      That's an interesting conjecture! Alas, we will likely never know ...

    • helmutbiscut profile image

      helmutbiscut 5 years ago from Ohio

      Very funny hub. I wonder what the children's parents' names are? Are the parents with questionable names more apt to name their child something strange? Misery does love company...