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The Top Ten Worst Reasons to Ask for a Business Loan - Humor
Before You Visit Your Banker
Getting a business loan is one of life’s vexing problems, especially in a difficult economy.
A business needs capital, and if your business isn't generating enough income from operations, borrowing may be the answer. If you're unable to tap friends and relatives it's off to the bank you go. Bankers can be a pain. Before they loan money they want to know how they'll get it back.
You need a business loan but you’re having trouble coming up with the right words to discuss it with your banker. Bankers are sitting on piles of money but they all share one annoying trait: they want to know why you want the loan. And they follow this up with another annoying quality: they want your reasons to be good. Having an up to date business plan is a must.
You’ve agonized over all the right words, but you’re stuck. You have role played the meeting in the mirror so often you are beginning to channel De Niro’s character in Taxi Driver: “You talkin to me?”
Finally you decide to do some brainstorming. You recall that brainstorming is a good technique for generating ideas. You also recall that the rules of brainstorming tell you that you shouldn’t exclude any idea that pops into your head: just write it down. But you forget the other rule of brainstorming: that after you get your ideas down on paper, you must do some editing before you launch them.
Without editing your ideas, chances are that they may be bad ideas.
So here are the top 10 WORST reasons to ask for a business loan:
1.You need a long vacation but you don’t have the money.
2.You want to buy some nice things for that pretty lady you met at the methadone clinic.
3.You have to pay the bail bondsman on your drunk driving case.
4.You don’t have a business plan so you really don’t know what the loan is for but some extra money would be really cool.
5.You were recently evicted and you need to come up with a security deposit for the next apartment.
6.You are having trouble keeping up with the price of marijuana.
7.You need to pay off your bookie next week or he’ll break your legs.
8.Your girlfriend is threatening to sue you over naked pictures that you put on the Internet.
9.A judge has ordered you to pay restitution on your bank fraud conviction.
10.You want to expand your pornography collection so you can display it in trade shows.
This article was inspired by a lunch meeting where the speaker was a loan officer from a local bank. It was one of the funniest talks I ever heard. The reasons I give in this article are fictitious - I didn't take notes when the guy was talking. But the idea is the same. There are good and bad reasons to ask someone (like a bank) to part with their money.
Best of luck on your loan application!
© 2012 Russ Moran