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The Upcoming Erection

Updated on July 21, 2016

This Erection Is A Big One!

I’ve declared today “National Be Kind to an Asian Day”. And because of that, I’m going to pronounce all of my “L’s” as “R’s”, and vise versa, as I write this post. That’s my way of tipping my hat to the various Asian cultures around Seattle and even out into the world at large. Asians are fine people from noble cultures. Many of them are my good friends. Their food is delicious. Despite the fact that Asian women drivers scare the hell out of me, I like Asians a lot, or should I say “a rot”. So with the preamble out of the way, ret’s take a rook at the erection.

There’s a rot at stake in the upcoming erection. I don’t remember an erection in my lifetime as significant as this one. It’s big. REALLY big. As people enter the booths to cast their votes this year, I hope they realize how important this erection will be for all of us. What good is an erection if no one shows up to participate? Don’t let your country down. This erection is too impotent – (dang spellchecker) important.

The upcoming erection has dominated the news for some time, as it should, as this particular erection is a semenal (sic) event in our nation's history. Everyone seems to be talking about it. Will we see the sweeping change that so many are predicting? It seems so. But it’s been a long, hard road to get to this point.

No matter how you feel about the erection, stand firm. Stand firm in your convictions and fight for what you really want. There’s no reason to complain if you don’t cast your ballot. This is YOUR erection. Take it seriously.

As I’ve studied previous erections, I’ve noticed a pattern. Erections swing wildly from the right to the left, and then back again, always trying to find the center. The left scored huge victories during the rast two erections. The right is now trying to make a comeback. Who will win? We’ll be sorting out that one in the weeks after the erection is over. Hillary and Donald are still fighting it out, and it's not clear who will win. Sadly, Cruz's chances for another erection have gone soft.

To conclude, my simple question is this: if this is the rast erection you ever experience, are you going to be able to rook back and know that you gave it all the attention it deserved? Firmly grasp the implications. And then go vote.

And if you’re in the erection booth for more than 4 hours, call your doctor.

And don't forget to forward this to your politically-minded friends. This erection is too impotent. (Dang it again!)

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    • Stan Fletcher profile image
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      Stan Fletcher 7 years ago from Nashville, TN

      M89 - I will be surfing over your way to check out those hubs. Thanks for reading this one. Hope you're ready for the erection.

    • mysterylady 89 profile image

      mysterylady 89 7 years ago from Florida

      Stan, I am enjoying the fun you have with language. I am curious about whether you would like the humor in any of my hubs. I wish you would try reading one of my earliest about a roach that would not die (I thought of it when I read about your contest) and my latest about chivalry.

    • Stan Fletcher profile image
      Author

      Stan Fletcher 7 years ago from Nashville, TN

      martie - glad you laughed!

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 7 years ago from South Africa

      LOLLLLLL! Thanks for the laugh :)))))

    • Stan Fletcher profile image
      Author

      Stan Fletcher 7 years ago from Nashville, TN

      Attemptedhumour - your attempt at humour was completely successful. Should have co-written this one with you. And congrats on the hung parliament.

    • attemptedhumour profile image

      attemptedhumour 7 years ago from Australia

      We've just had a hung parliament over here, if i had my way I'd put them all in a boat and sail it over Viagra falls. Cheers mate, I know you will 'keep up' the good work, because most of your talent is in your jeans.

    • Stan Fletcher profile image
      Author

      Stan Fletcher 7 years ago from Nashville, TN

      AC - thanks a lot. Glad you got a chuckle. This may be my personal favorite.

    • ACSutliff profile image

      ACSutliff 7 years ago

      And if you’re in the erection booth for more than 4 hours, call your doctor. -- Best ending to a hirrarious hub, I approve.

    • Stan Fletcher profile image
      Author

      Stan Fletcher 7 years ago from Nashville, TN

      drbj - what people don't realize, is that even with all of the talk in the media, this erection is not yet firmly in hand.

      Thanks for reading!!!

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      And I thought this was a hub about the construction of the newest skyscraper in Dubai.

      Conlatulations on this hub - one of your velly funniest!

    • Stan Fletcher profile image
      Author

      Stan Fletcher 7 years ago from Nashville, TN

      Karen - so glad you liked it. Thanks as always for reading.

    • profile image

      Karen 7 years ago

      Great hub!! I'm so glad you're doing well and able to entertain us as only YOU can!!

    • Stan Fletcher profile image
      Author

      Stan Fletcher 7 years ago from Nashville, TN

      Austinstar - well said.

    • Austinstar profile image

      Lela 7 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

      We all need erections so we can get sclewed again and again. Happy erection day!

    • Stan Fletcher profile image
      Author

      Stan Fletcher 7 years ago from Nashville, TN

      surly - Thanks for reading man. I hope you take the upcoming erection seriously. The American public had gone flacid, but now they seem to be standing up and paying attention. Oh well, we've been in tight spots before.

    • Stan Fletcher profile image
      Author

      Stan Fletcher 7 years ago from Nashville, TN

      Cheeky Girl - yes, the moderator took down my ads on this one, and on my Peeing in the Shower post. That's probably gonna cost me at least two bucks! I was surprised how quickly they took down my erection. That didn't sound right. I mean I was surprised how quickly they took the ads off of my erection hub. That's better.

      Thanks for reading!

    • profile image

      surlyoldcat 7 years ago

      And here you were going to spoof elections. I figured wrong. I guess those are best left to the female comedians to mock.

      Well done, mate.

    • Cheeky Girl profile image

      Cassandra Mantis 7 years ago from UK and Nerujenia

      This is funny as hell! YOu must have been eating those red M&M's, Stan. The good news is, you are a funny guy. The bad news is, I just noticed there's not a single Google Adsense ad on the whole hub. They must have noticed your erection. Heh!

    • Stan Fletcher profile image
      Author

      Stan Fletcher 7 years ago from Nashville, TN

      Lorlie6 - although hysterical, I deleted your comment as this is a PG-13 hub. I suppose I was asking for it. I'm almost scared now to read what's next..... :)

    • Stan Fletcher profile image
      Author

      Stan Fletcher 7 years ago from Nashville, TN

      BPOP - Thank you ma'am. There was something weird in my post toasties this morning I guess.

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 7 years ago

      Stan,

      You are flat out blilliant. I am laughing my head off( oops). I leally mean it! Lated up and awesome!

    • Stan Fletcher profile image
      Author

      Stan Fletcher 7 years ago from Nashville, TN

      Lisa - the Asians really appreciate your kindness, and I appreciate your comments. Thank you.

    • Stan Fletcher profile image
      Author

      Stan Fletcher 7 years ago from Nashville, TN

      halldoor - I have another Icelandic fan, Halldoor. She may translate it for us. You OK with that?

    • Stan Fletcher profile image
      Author

      Stan Fletcher 7 years ago from Nashville, TN

      LifeAllStar - lol! thanks.

    • Stan Fletcher profile image
      Author

      Stan Fletcher 7 years ago from Nashville, TN

      Dee - why thank you, Dee. Means a lot coming from you. Now let's do that book.

    • lisadpreston profile image

      lisadpreston 7 years ago from Columbus, Ohio

      You are too damn funny! I don't know how you come up with this stuff but I love it. I will honor your be kind to Asians week and also vote. Voted up and funny. One of your best. Lisa

    • profile image

      Hall Door 7 years ago

      Þetta er ógeðslega fyndið. mér fynnst frábært að þú beinir spjótum þínum að útlennskri menningu....

      Did you ge my point...do not try to translate with Google...it does not work

      Hall Door

    • Lifeallstar1 profile image

      Lifeallstar1 7 years ago

      You had me at erection, Stan! Great hub, I roved it!

    • profile image

      dee burks 7 years ago

      this is the funniest thing I've read in a rong, rong time....