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The “What If He Was Gay” Argument

Updated on July 15, 2009


I love me the gays (no doubt because I am one myself) but that doesn’t stop the gay community from getting on my nerves from time to time. Let’s face it, we all belong to groups that we couldn’t possibly agree with everything they all say all of the time because if we did it would be called Scientology, right? (Just kidding, I meant Mormonology) Well one of the things that really gets on my nerves is when a story in the press has absolutely no ties or anything to us gays and yet some gay somewhere has to ask the question, “What if he was gay” – Don’t Get Me Started!

Although some gays may steal all of my boxer brief underwear for writing this while trying to throw me out of the “club”, there are certain things that have nothing to do with homosexuality. For example the recent events regarding the ex-football player Steve McNair, killed by his mistress who then killed herself. No one’s really talking about the wife who may or may not have known there was a Ms. X but the fact of the matter is this murder-suicide has nothing to do with us gays. And yet, I recently read this on a gay website, “What if McNair had been gay?” I must confess that I didn’t even bother to read any further. Why should I? This has nothing to do with anything. He wasn’t gay, it wasn’t a gay crime and I doubt that there’s anyone related to the case who is gay except maybe the people who own the company that comes to clean up after a homicide (after all, we gays can be very tidy). Seriously though, what sense does it make to take a tragedy and then try to wonder what would have happened if the person had been gay? Would that have made it more of a tragedy than the all ready obvious tragedy of two people losing their lives and their families’ lives being changed forever? In my mind this is a lazy writer with a deadline and nothing to write about but that’s just my opinion.

I think that any time someone goes for the “What if…” argument about anything it pushes a mental button in my head that suddenly starts playing the soundtrack of Evita in my head to drown out the stupid theories and to give me some enjoyment. What if they were gay? What if they were a woman? What if it had been a black man? What if’s are just annoying aren’t they? Because what sense does it make to conjure up these thoughts in your head when they are baseless?

Look I have just as good a fantasy as the next guy but making shit up like this is ri-damn-diculous. If I’m going to fantasize it’s going to be about being at Carnegie Hall for the legendary Garland concerts or someone named Carnegie whose dick is so big he could wear it around his body like a garland and fill a hall of gays to watch. It’s not going to be me wondering what would have happened if Charles Manson was gay.

We gays get all indigent when these religious groups blame everything from 9/11 to salmonella on us so let’s not help the nut jobs out by putting more images in their feeble heads, shall we? I feel badly for McNair’s family and friends and I don’t think it would have mattered if he was gay or straight, I’d feel the same way I do about any senseless killing, it’s well, senseless.

As a minority we have a lot to worry about. Hell, as a society we have a lot to worry about so when someone adds more stress into that by wondering “what if” I’m just wondering, “What if this writer had written a real story?” The “What If He Was Gay” Argument – Don’t Get Me Started!

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    • fireball34 profile image

      fireball34 8 years ago

      pgrundy LOL

    • profile image

      pgrundy 8 years ago

      My boyfriend wears boxer brief underwear and now you have me wondering, what if he was gay?????