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White Van Woman - Poetry

Updated on July 25, 2012

Over the (many) years of driving experience I have under my belt, I have driven many different makes and models of cars. During this time I have realised that different types of vehicles get driven in many different ways.

I used to blame the drivers for this, for instance, I considered all Volvo drivers a nuisance, Sunday drivers, just ambling along as if no-one else has got anywhere they need to be or to get to. That was until I owned a Volvo myself, and found that was exactly how I drove it!

The vehicle itself dictates how it likes to be driven!

I was never in a rush to get anywhere, until I owned a sports car.... (Toyota Celica, sexy and black, it has been off the road for many a year now but I refuse to sell it!).

These days, due to my work and lifestyle, I own a very large white van! It dictates how I drive, and yes, white van drivers are menace!


Source

The White Van Woman


So here I am

Behind the wheel,

I'm bigger than you

And I can feel

That you don't want to give way to me,

You will though

'Coz I'm not stopping!


Up on the curb

To get round that

Car that's parked

Thoughtlessly,

It is a fact

That I'm bigger than you,

I need more space,

Don't worry though

I'm not stopping!



C'mon love,

You can get a bus through there!

And while you're at it,

Have a care

For that other van

Over there

He's just like me,

Not stopping!


My van!

Big, and white and strong,

With it I know I belong

On the road,

Hell, I own the road,

And no mate,

I'm not stopping!


Your 4 x 4's no match for me

In my white van

Because you see

You're still

Ever so much

Smaller than me!

Ha! I'm still not stopping!


What's this?

A single lane road I'm on,

And coming toward me

Another white van!

We'll play chicken

He thinks I'm a "white van man"

But then he'll stop for me

'Coz I'm a woman!


And I'm still not stopping!

Smiling now,

It's so much fun

Being a cow

Behind the wheel

Of my big white van,

I'm a menace!

I need stopping!


My driving skills

Never in doubt,

Men see me and they

Like to shout

"Hello!"

Because they think it's cool

A woman driver

In a van,

Not stopping!


So if you dare,

Come for a ride

Don't be scared,

I'll even bide

My time a little,

Going slow,

Until your confidence

Does grow

And then you'll laugh

And see it's fun

To drive around

Being the one

Who never gives way

To any-one!

And no,

We won't be stopping!


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    • Jennifer Stone profile image
      Author

      Jennifer Stone 5 years ago from the Riverbank, England

      Thank you Graham! It's very good to meet you here... :-) all the best, Jen

    • old albion profile image

      Graham Lee 5 years ago from Lancashire. England.

      Hi Jen. A very funny and enjoyable hub. It raised a smile for me this morning.

      Following.

      Graham.

    • Jennifer Stone profile image
      Author

      Jennifer Stone 5 years ago from the Riverbank, England

      Thank you Epi my friend, your words, friendship and support keep me inspired! :-) Difficult finding the time to write at the moment but I miss you all sooooo much.... All the best from the Riverbank In England, Jen

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 5 years ago

      .....love your funny stuff - so nice to see you again - and thank you for this humorous time as spent with you across the ocean between us - but at the same time we have this fabulous meeting place called the Hub - sending you good thoughts and please keep this writing your humorous poetry because you rock with it - lake erie time canada 6:13am

    • molometer profile image

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      You really have embraced the White van mentality lol This gave me a good giggle as I too have driven these monsters and they do make us drive like nutter. Voted up and funny. Well done. Tweeting to all the other van drivers.

    • Jennifer Stone profile image
      Author

      Jennifer Stone 5 years ago from the Riverbank, England

      It's true you know Valleypoet... the driver is completely blameless... LOL :-) Thanks for reading and commenting, Jen

    • profile image

      Valleypoet 5 years ago

      And there I was thinking it was the person behind the wheel that was to blame for poor white van driving...all along I should have realised that the poor driver had such little control once empowered by the dreaded white van...very funny poem. Thanks for sharing

    • Jennifer Stone profile image
      Author

      Jennifer Stone 5 years ago from the Riverbank, England

      Shiningirisheyes, you'll know it's me because I won't be stopping! LOL, thanks for reading and commenting, best wishes from the riverbank, Jen

    • Jennifer Stone profile image
      Author

      Jennifer Stone 5 years ago from the Riverbank, England

      Thank you thelyricwriter, I used to work alot of weekends too, these days I still work weekends but at music festivals so I'm not worrying about the roads! I'm glad you liked my poem, all the best, Jen

    • Jennifer Stone profile image
      Author

      Jennifer Stone 5 years ago from the Riverbank, England

      Hi, kashmir56, I'm glad you enjoyed it! Many thanks, Jen

    • shiningirisheyes profile image

      Shining Irish Eyes 5 years ago from Upstate, New York

      Ha Ha Ha ! Loved the concept and I will be keeping my eye out for your big white van - woman! LOL

    • thelyricwriter profile image

      Richard Ricky Hale 5 years ago from West Virginia

      Jen, this was awesome! I agree with the labeling of certain cars. I hate being late on Sunday, the worse day to be late. Unfortunately, I usually work on Sunday. Awesome poem:) Voted up, awesome, and funny. Take care.

    • kashmir56 profile image

      Thomas Silvia 5 years ago from Massachusetts

      Hi Jen great fun poem it was such a enjoyable read !

      Vote up and more !!!

    • Jennifer Stone profile image
      Author

      Jennifer Stone 5 years ago from the Riverbank, England

      Hi spy! Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it! All the best from the riverbank, Jen

    • unknown spy profile image

      IAmForbidden 5 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up.

      Hi Jen, your poem is very enjoyable to read.Wonderful!

      all my votes.

    • Jennifer Stone profile image
      Author

      Jennifer Stone 5 years ago from the Riverbank, England

      Josh, I'm glad you enjoyed my friend... all the best, Jen

    • Jennifer Stone profile image
      Author

      Jennifer Stone 5 years ago from the Riverbank, England

      Thank you Debbie, for the vote and comments, I'm actually a pretty safe driver... :-) (if a little menacing at times..) lol

    • Jennifer Stone profile image
      Author

      Jennifer Stone 5 years ago from the Riverbank, England

      Thanks bravewarrior, always on the lookout... lol :-)

    • josh3418 profile image

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Jen,

      Awesome, I had a laugh here for sure! Thanks Jen!

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 5 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      This is so cute..i know how you feel driving a vam...i really like driving vans...be safe out there...lol..voted up..debbie

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 5 years ago from Central Florida

      You go, girl! Your van looks like a damn armored car! Beware drivers, there a woman with a solid heart and full of gumption, the likes of which you've never met! ha ha!

      Be safe, my friend. Look out for the a**holes on the road!

    • Jennifer Stone profile image
      Author

      Jennifer Stone 5 years ago from the Riverbank, England

      Thanks Billy, I'm glad you enjoyed it... and it's a very fun van to drive :-D All the best, Jen

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Love it! When I used to drive a truck on deliveries I loved it because everyone got out of my way. What a great feeling! Very fun hub to read!