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The Woman With the Pants and the Man Who Wears Them: A Humorous Tribute to My Parents

Updated on April 9, 2015

No portion of this work may be copied or used without sole, written permission of the author.

I love my parents. They are wonderful people, and they both have a fantastic sense of humor. They are also very smart, and “with it.” Both of my parents worked for our local university; dad for over 40 years, and mom for 26. They retired 3 years ago and have been enjoying their freedom ever since.

During the last days of work; prior to retirement, my parents were very busy, as their work units were each preparing for a huge loss. Mom and dad had both contributed significantly to their workplace over the years, and were both well-liked and well-known. I suppose somewhere in those last days between the hustle and bustle of work and thoughts of lazy days ahead, dad decided to go on a brief mental vacation (like senioritis, a.k.a. the last year of high school). What I mean, is that I believe he was probably spacing out a bit. Kind of like “the lights are on and nobody’s home” (this was and still is one of his favorite sayings).

One morning, mom and dad were in a hurry to get out the door for the daily treck into work. They were running behind so my father scurried to get dressed. His usual attire included a t-shirt, flannel or plaid shirt, jeans, steel-toe boots and a work jacket. Mom had to dress up for her job, so she did not wear jeans to work. She did, however; do the laundry…

As soon as they were in the truck and on their way to work, dad started to complain to my mother about how she was shrinking his clothes in the dryer. My mother did not think too much of this, I suppose because she was thinking about the busy day ahead. Dad dropped mom off at work, parked the truck, and began the walk to his office. Over the course of walking two blocks he began to notice first, that it was difficult to move his legs; then he was having difficulty breathing so he tried to pull at the waist of his jeans to loosen them. I think he was having to take really small steps because his jeans were so tight.

The rest of dad's day was the same. He had a hard time moving around and continued tugging at his jeans in an attempt to stretch them so he could breathe better. At the end of the day my father walked back to his truck (still very uncomfortable in those jeans), picked up my mother, and drove back home. When they arrived, dad decided it was time to change into some pants that were actually comfortable. He told mom that he wanted to get rid of ”them pants” and left them for her to deal with. Mom picked up the jeans and was deliberating about what to do with them when she noticed they were not my fathers jeans, they were hers!

I am sure you can imagine the conversation that took place following this grand discovery.

What did we learn from this experience?

· Women’s pants make the world go ‘round.

· Behind every man is a good pair of pants.

· The man may wear the pants in this family, but the woman is the one who owns them.


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    • smarter4ever profile image

      smarter4ever 6 years ago from Wisconsin


      Thank you! Same to you; A Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year!


    • smarter4ever profile image

      smarter4ever 6 years ago from Wisconsin


      I am glad you enjoyed the story! I used to Read the Reader's Digest. I have not seen one for quite some time. I'll have to look into that, to see if they are still around and accepting material.


    • ktrapp profile image

      Kristin Trapp 6 years ago from Illinois

      This was really funny. This would have been a really good Reader's Digest contribution but I don't think they exist anymore, at least not in printed form. Too funny!

    • Kamalesh050 profile image

      Kamalesh050 6 years ago from Sahaganj, Dist. Hooghly, West Bengal, India

      Ha Ha Ha .. very funny, enjoyed a lot. Voted up.

      Best Wishes and Merry Christmas, Wishing you also a Very Happy New Year, my Friend.


    • Preacherwolf2011 profile image

      Preacherwolf2011 6 years ago from Bloomington, Indiana

      Too funny!

    • smarter4ever profile image

      smarter4ever 6 years ago from Wisconsin

      You can thank TheManWithNoPants for inspiring me to publish this. I ran across his hub last night and could not help myself; and thought, I have to put this out there. My parents are okay with this also. Otherwise, I would not have published it.

    • helmutbiscut profile image

      helmutbiscut 6 years ago from Ohio

      Very funny!

    • SomewayOuttaHere profile image

      SomewayOuttaHere 6 years ago from TheGreatGigInTheSky

      funny story.....keep her pants on!

    • romari profile image

      Rose Maria Rica D. Fuentes 6 years ago from Heaven

      thanks for the great hub!it's so funny!


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