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The desperate homecoming of a lost Soul

Updated on September 13, 2011

After 36years from the civil war in Lebanon Rama finds herself in her motherland


She stands on the humid soil feeling the wind toy with her hair while the latter accuses her of betrayal. Her hand extended into the emptiness, far away from her body with the palm of her hand enclosed over the little grains of sand. She hasn’t felt like this for over 36 years as she lived in a foreign land. With tears of joy and pain she savored the rich smell of home, a place she has forgotten about.

The howling wind told her tales about a vow she made 36 years ago. For back then at the age of 21 she vowed never to come back to that wretched land that claimed to be her hometown. Yet now after 36 years she lays on soil of her motherland broken savoring the smell of the little grains of sand which have taken refuge in her palm. She bows and kisses the soil.

She has forgotten about the days of horror when her people devoured each other during the civil war. She overlooked the memories of her neighbors from a different sect hunting her family down dismembering her parents, and burning her little brother alive. She has gotten over the civil war and its haunting memories and has broken the sacred promise that she made at the age of 21. Two days ago if you asked Rama she would have told you about the scent of death that followed her to whatever place she went to in the Us, yet now she stands with both feet on her mother soil in pain feeling like a traitor.

It has been 36 years since the incident of 1975. Thirty six years since the massacre, yet it has taken her 36years before she submitted to feeling homesick. Since that wretched year and the civil war that claimed her family as victims of war she has lied to herself telling her own conscience that the emotions she felt were just a lie. During all these years she has claimed to have extracted her heart from her land of birth, from a land that promised nothing but pain and agony.

With the little grains of sand in the palm of her head, she felt homesick regardless to being at home. She felt weighed down by her betrayal for not even knowing the location of her parent’s grave. She stood in the graveyard where all the victims of the civil war of Lebanon were buried without tombstones to identify them and cried. And as she let out tears which have been held for 36 years, she extended her hand above the grave to scatter the ashes. She asked for forgiveness from everyone next to her, and while looking and the old graves she begged for salvation, for she hadn’t paid her respect to her people as she turned her back on her people’s pain and agony. For 36 years, she lived for herself regardless to the antagonizing cries of her people, and now after 36 years of torment she lays on her knees next to the graves begging for their pardon.

She felt the wind grant her the ultimate wish as the compassionate wind played with her hair like violin strings. Rama felt the tranquility take over her soul as she stood alone in the empty graveyard, yet for once she felt at home.


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    • profile image

      jenubouka 

      7 years ago

      Yes you should finish school, I was studying bio chem. and decided to travel for a year, Europe, West Coast, USA, Hawaii, and Mexico, eh a little Canada too. I don't regret it but things are so different now, it's sad and somewhat scary. I do hope you can see and experience the US. It will probably shock you how we are here. Especially the new wave of feminism.

    • Uriel profile imageAUTHOR

      Uriel 

      7 years ago from Lebanon

      For the time being i am focusing on my college life hoping to get a degree, yet haven't eliminated the idea of writing as a minor profession. I have never been to the states, or even outside Lebanon so that's a shame :D I am pretty sure writers will die starving here since opportunities for writers aren't available to writers :D~considering the time difference Lebanon is GMT+2,so perhaps it is 12 hours difference or so [not really sure i want to do simple math at this early time of the day [its 3Am here almost 12 and a half hours after your comment :D]

      @nikki :D glad you liked it, if you read more about the civil war in Lebanon [since 1975-1990] the story won't sound so cool :D , btw did u finish uraboku???

    • Uriel profile imageAUTHOR

      Uriel 

      7 years ago from Lebanon

      For the time being i am focusing on my college life hoping to get a degree, yet haven't eliminated the idea of writing as a minor profession. I have never been to the states, or even outside Lebanon so that's a shame :D I am pretty sure writers will die starving here since opportunities for writers aren't available to writers :D~considering the time difference Lebanon is GMT+2,so perhaps it is 12 hours difference or so [not really sure i want to do simple math at this early time of the day [its 3Am here almost 12 and a half hours after your comment :D]

      @nikki :D glad you liked it, if you read more about the civil war in Lebanon [since 1975-1990] the story won't sound so cool :D , btw did u finish uraboku???

    • Nikkij504gurl profile image

      Nikki Wicked 

      7 years ago from Louisiana

      kewl story. glad she is finding peace.

    • profile image

      jenubouka 

      7 years ago

      have you ever been to the states? Pan handler's can make up 40,000 a year here. It is really quite sad. Writer's here can make a good living, there are so many outlets. Best advise given to me was, do what you love and make a living out of it, and I did for about 10 years or so.. I just reside in town right now that doesn't know fine dining if it slapped them in the face. Oh well....

      Business degree's are priceless in this economy right now where ever you live as well.

      What is our time difference anyway, it is 4:30am here in the pacific NW.

      Take care

      Jenubouka

    • Uriel profile imageAUTHOR

      Uriel 

      7 years ago from Lebanon

      Jenubouka, i am a 19 year old business student, this is my junior year and i hope to graduate by 2013 :D I do write from time to time and people always suggested taking writing as a profession but living the life we leave i find it hard for writers to make a living in Lebanon. i tried commenting through hubpages on my phone but apparently the comments aren't available. I will read your hub in a few seconds and tell you what i think :D

      Glad we met,

      Uriel

    • profile image

      jenubouka 

      7 years ago

      Really beautiful Uriel. I never asked your age. Is writing your profession? This poem reminds me when I came back to the town I grew up in, though not as horrid, but there are some places I will never tread foot on. I wrote a creative bit, when you get a chance check it out, would love the feedback from you.

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