The desperate homecoming of a lost Soul
After 36years from the civil war in Lebanon Rama finds herself in her motherland
She stands on the humid soil feeling the wind toy with her hair while the latter accuses her of betrayal. Her hand extended into the emptiness, far away from her body with the palm of her hand enclosed over the little grains of sand. She hasn’t felt like this for over 36 years as she lived in a foreign land. With tears of joy and pain she savored the rich smell of home, a place she has forgotten about.
The howling wind told her tales about a vow she made 36 years ago. For back then at the age of 21 she vowed never to come back to that wretched land that claimed to be her hometown. Yet now after 36 years she lays on soil of her motherland broken savoring the smell of the little grains of sand which have taken refuge in her palm. She bows and kisses the soil.
She has forgotten about the days of horror when her people devoured each other during the civil war. She overlooked the memories of her neighbors from a different sect hunting her family down dismembering her parents, and burning her little brother alive. She has gotten over the civil war and its haunting memories and has broken the sacred promise that she made at the age of 21. Two days ago if you asked Rama she would have told you about the scent of death that followed her to whatever place she went to in the Us, yet now she stands with both feet on her mother soil in pain feeling like a traitor.
It has been 36 years since the incident of 1975. Thirty six years since the massacre, yet it has taken her 36years before she submitted to feeling homesick. Since that wretched year and the civil war that claimed her family as victims of war she has lied to herself telling her own conscience that the emotions she felt were just a lie. During all these years she has claimed to have extracted her heart from her land of birth, from a land that promised nothing but pain and agony.
With the little grains of sand in the palm of her head, she felt homesick regardless to being at home. She felt weighed down by her betrayal for not even knowing the location of her parent’s grave. She stood in the graveyard where all the victims of the civil war of Lebanon were buried without tombstones to identify them and cried. And as she let out tears which have been held for 36 years, she extended her hand above the grave to scatter the ashes. She asked for forgiveness from everyone next to her, and while looking and the old graves she begged for salvation, for she hadn’t paid her respect to her people as she turned her back on her people’s pain and agony. For 36 years, she lived for herself regardless to the antagonizing cries of her people, and now after 36 years of torment she lays on her knees next to the graves begging for their pardon.
She felt the wind grant her the ultimate wish as the compassionate wind played with her hair like violin strings. Rama felt the tranquility take over her soul as she stood alone in the empty graveyard, yet for once she felt at home.