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The five faces

Updated on May 18, 2016

Chapter 1: Then and now

You could say it all started when I left my job. If my life was a cloud then at this point it was getting pushed around by itself like a majestic green and blue tornado. I lived in the city of Columbia Missouri before I left my job. There I was a custodian. Here there is no me. Here I'v let go of myself completely. Here I am the joy I'm not watching myself with a selfish illusion of how I can get the most joy. I'v realized its been here the whole time I just had to focus on it.

When I worked for the university as a custodian I had five main faces. My normal zoning out of reality into my imagination face. The almost devilish desire searching face. When I think to much and Smile forcefully face. When the beauty of life comes out of me through Smiling naturally face. Then the one face I fear most is the claustrophobiclly feeling trapped by life so much that I have a uncontrollable anger as if the only way out is to fight... face

Most days I would wear the zoning out face 90% of the time and the forcefully smiling face the other 7%. 3% of the day I would spend smiling with all my heart by Alexus the women I lived and worked with. She worked in the kitchen as a cook As amazing as she is she alone wasn't the answer to change. the change I desired more than anything was smiling naturally 100% of the day. People will say life is not perfect, life is hard, there will always be tough times. Those are all true but what if I could just see all of these things in a brighter light. What if at the same time of having a terrible day I can smile at the fact that it allows me to live a astonishing life.

Chapter 2: The wrong face

Oh and by the way my name is zach. I'm 22 years old and have many passions, Music, performing, philosophy, and friendship are the ones off the top of my head. I like to think I see the bigger picture through eyes full of humility. Sometimes I'll catch myself focusing on nothing but myself. I will put off what most people might think is a wrong face. The face of ego, selfishness, and ignorance. The face of desire searching to better only myself. Yes I must say I do do this. So do you. In fact this is impossible to get around.

When I worked as a custodian this concept drove me crazy. I knew everyone always at some point had on the wrong face. I would think to myself why cant we all just change our faces? Now after waking up I see we have to wear those faces in order to experience the other face. The face of freedom. The face of completely letting go, forgetting your perception of what you thought you are, what other people are, and what other things are. knowing there is no other we all just are. With this I was able to see life through a whole new angle and help not only myself but many other people.

chapter 3: Zoning in to zone out

Everyday that I can remember I spend hours zoning out into my imagination. Don't get me wrong this is fun if done in a positive way. Although it can draw me into wearing the wrong face. Working for the university I would think that when I'm self employed I won't zone out as much. Now being self employed I zone out just as much or more. I know it is not because I am self employed. This is not for any specific reason. In fact lets think what is zoning out really. Is zoning out when you are cut off of reality or you are creating a whole new aspect to reality? So are you zoning out or zoning in? Now really think about it. If you zone out for your own individual benefit it will only make you wear the wrong face. I have come to realize zoning out is only good when done to zone deeper into the reality of all things.

Chapter 4: Racing to the gold at the end of the rainbow

There is no gold at the end of the rainbow. If life is a rainbow then the gold is what's keeping it together. Ask yourself do you start a business just for the number we call money. do you play a song just to hear the golden pattern of notes. When you get up in the morning what goes on in your head that drives you to do what you do. deep inside you beyond all actions and thoughts and anything you ever thought you were there is never ending infinity. This infinity is the true source of everything you do.

So you cant make the best business from more experience about money. Neither can you create the best song through more experience of how to play. No specific thing you do is the best because everything is the never ending infinity. Everything Is the best it can be because it can always change into what we call better. This means in a un-perfect world everything is perfectly entangled in a heavenly paradise. All you have to do is focus on it. Naturally it makes you realize the unimportance of faces but the importance that there are even any faces there at all.


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