A Love Story

It was an hour before another year. Fireworks filed the sky, smile was worn by everyone, a cheerful sensation greeted me. Alas, a start of a new beginning.

Pastries, native and finger foods crowded the round table. My dear little cousins creeped over for candies and a slice of cake as I gave away some balloons. My dad holds the microphone as he sings enthusiastically off key at the sala, while we stay at the garage celebrating and savouring the last moment of the year. It must have been a fulfilling moment. The man that I've always loved and wanted to be with was beside me. I've loved him for three years but I was never faithful to him. I hanged out with him all the time, hoped for his love and care, gave in to his whims, but he never reciprocated it. He was to proud and selfish. An insensitive and arrogant man indeed.

As the clock stroke welcoming the new year, I thrusst myself in the hope of a happy and fruitful life. The love that i used to know is fading away and turned into hatred. His ungentle gestures of love triger me to put an end to what we have started.

Hesitantly, I still went out with him trying to make him feel well loved with my white lies.

The year has just began, fading love welcomed me. Hope and courage was there to push me forward. I went on each day cursing destiny for letting love come my way.

One fated afternoon, I met a man whom I never thought would play a part in my life. he stood beside his kenedy as he extends his hands to shake mine. He looked so dignified in his uniform, his smiles gave way to his dimples. i managed to fake my excitement nut deep down inside I was shivering. Days passed he turned cold and he seldom kept in touch . Thoughts run through my mind, perhaps he loss his interest in me, anyway nobody loves me. I don't deserve to love me.

Just as my hope dropped, he asked me out. I wanted to decline to show a little femininity but I wwould be so stupid if I'll let the chance of getting close to him pass me by.

On our first date, we sat apart facing each other. He began to tell the stories of his life as I stare in his eyes pretending as though I am listening but mesmerized by the thought that I am dating him at last! I can't help but loose my sanity in the scent of his perfume and sweet smile. It was just a fling, admit it!

But as the chapter turns its pages, I find myself hoping for him but pretending that I don't.

Once we had our seminar workshop at Ebenezer, I sneeked out going to their camp. It was crazy of me but his absense tears me inside.

Oh how he turned the pain and grieve I've nurtured inside into joy. Still feeling caught in a maze of love, I put on my sail and get on with the flow. Say, I'm really stupid! His message of love softened my heart and gave me hope... though doubts and fears haunts me all the while. I did'nt care about anything else, long as I have him.

I gave him my commitment just as I did to multiple guys who knocks at my door. I was never faithful! But his passions changed me and maional love and made me believe in unconditional love. I used to be ideal and poetic about love until I knew pain.

Several weeks passed, he went back unexpectedly. He was confined in a hospital due to diarrhea. For the first time in my life, I disregard what people will say about me, I went to visit him! I'm dying to see him. Perhaps has caught me this time. We celebrated valentines day together, he was my first date on a valentine ever. Days went by so quickly. Day by day, I am falling in love with him more intensely. A love that I tried to deny...he gave me enough reason to live. I've never been as crazy as this since I found him...but then he left with out a word. From heaven, i fell down from the sky which awaken me from my illusions. He is just a dream.

Day by day I summoned my God for a real love. God was so good to me, He answered my prayer. In a few weeks, I met a wealthy widow man. The love that I've always hoped from those man was in him..he's my soulmate! He is a perfect mirror of myself... too much kisses and promises I should say. He broke my heart and took away my only friend from me. He showed me what is unfaithfulness but then I still thank God for him. I learned my lesson at last.

Tragic it may seem, I've always loved and longed for my dear handsome man and it grows deeper everyday. Til one day, he came back again. Joy filled my whole soul. I wanted to make him happy. I'll do everything for him. I'll give everything to him but he was ungrateful of me. Despite everything, I promise him sincerity though I know he'll never be contented of me.I'll never be enough for him.

Tears were my only refuge. His eyes show no love at all and his voice calls for one familiar name. He is still inlove with her. But I'll never leave long as he needs me for I've never loved this way before and I know I'll never love this way again.

I lie completely idle in my bed, head on the pillow with my arms embracing it and feet touching the floor as my kneew bend on the edge of the costly folding bed. Heart palpitates nomal as I breathe in and out..another day has gone.

From a curved lips turned into a tilted one as my tears began rolling down from my eyes to the soft and scented pillow and my arms hugging it tighter and tighter as I slowly looses control of my sanity.

Why? was all I can manage to say trying to calm my suppressed and neglected ego. He's been driving my mind crazy for a year now. I've always wanted to forget him. I've always wanted to deny this love and longingness I have for him.

He left just a minute passed before I went in my room to dress up for school.

Two weeks ago, I remember escorting him from the terminal which I always yearn to do when ever he arrives. He called me whistling while he stood on the other side of the road. There standing like a boy waiting to be touched to be a man and I, hungry of his kisses and embraces. I crossed the street trying to pretend to hide my excitement.

My eyes rolled and my mind was searching words to say. The nerves inside me vibrated fast straight to my brain and left me unconscious that I did't have time to think nor a sensation to react. I got loss for word like an idiot except an overwhelming feeling came soon.

It was exactly four months ago when he left me and it has been four months of waiting. But now is the moment. I wanted to savor the moment filled with ecstacy, satisfying my long restraint desire, letting my soul enjoy every ounce of my mans breath without slipping any single sight of him as if it will be the end of my life.

Now, two battling and happy weeks is over. No more fantacies and sleeping with naked thoughts. Couage and perseverance must be awakened. He'll be gone and coming back again Ï'm not sure when.

I can't understand why there are still stars at night and the night grows deeper and turning into another day, why the earth still revolves and rotates when infact I feel like dying at this moment. I just can't understand why they still rejoice in the midst of my broken heartedness.

Yes I have always tried to get him out of my mind, to deny this pain and lonliness, to hide away from my longingness. I want to date anybody just to forget this depression even in a bounce of an air. I wanna close my eyes from reality and be awakened only when he comes home again.

But even if I cheat what my heart cries, still at the end of everything, I found myself more in love as ever with him and yet a single thought of him is a happiness worths a thousand year of waiting and suffering and this I COUD'NT UNDERSTAND WHY.