These Things Hidden
You may not who I am but I created your life... You’re probably wondering how right? Well it all began on a busy afternoon stuck in traffic after work. The radio was on and the window was rolled down just enough for the misty winds to creep in.
It was one of those days where nothing seemed to be going my way. One of the associates at the firm had torn into me in the boardroom meeting; apparently I wasn't cut out for the senior role. Still stuck in the car I contemplate whether to walk out and find the nearest bar. Truth be told, swimming in an ocean of whisky didn't seem too bad.
Although to be fair having a handful of angry drivers breathing down my neck wasn't such a good idea, so I sit back clutching the seat belt hoping for this day to end. Arriving to the traffic lights I sit there like an object with no reason to live, but just barely passing through the current tides. It was at that moment… I met your mother.
She was a real beauty, she walked past and all the guys couldn't seem to take their eyes off her, funny enough I couldn't either. The only difference was that she only had eyes for me. I'd never seen such an angel grace the earth like she did; your mother was a saint.
Everyday together was like the first time; the silent moments just staring into each other’s eyes, the accelerated heart rate, and the constant sweaty palms caused by over excitement .We travelled around the world exploring new cultures and cuisines, and after years of acting like two teenagers we finally got married. I never will forget that day.
You would have loved it; there were so many people that day. Friends, and families all came bearing gifts. Till this day I still haven't seen half of them. The cake was enormous too, it had so many layers.There was chocolate with a sugar icing on top, and a smooth strawberry jam in the middle. You wouldn't believe how your uncle Joe kept on going for seconds. You would have thought he was the one getting married.
Buying our first home was quite magical too; I never could picture myself living with someone else. It’s weird how things turn out. I remember when I was painting the hallway; your mum would sit there and laugh uncontrollably at my efforts she was such a bully...
I couldn't forget the weekends; the guys would come around and watch the game while the women were in the kitchen, gossiping about who kissed who and who was up to no good. We never did pay them any attention, just the smooth cold beverages and the roasted peanuts were more entertaining. Such great times we had....
A couple of weeks passed, and i wasn't feeling too great. My back was always hurting, and I was getting reoccurring migraines like my brain was on overdrive. Your mum thought I was playing a prank on her; I use to do those a lot. Unfortunately that wasn't the case, and the comical smile she had slowly disappeared .
I hated going to the doctors, they never brought anyone good news .It was as if they were grim reapers wearing a white blazer with shiny teeth, wearing white glasses and carrying extra minty gum.Walking towards the door was nerve wrenching. All I could do was just hope it wasn't anything too serious. We sat there holding hands while waiting for him to come and deliver his verdict. His face was cold and his hands were twitching,the room was quiet and everything became still. All I could do was keep my head down ignoring the word cancer and pretending I just caught the common flu.
The house was quiet, and our backs were turned with nothing to say. There wasn't a single word in the dictionary that could describe the dire feeling that was becoming more ever present. Your mother tried to focus her attentions on cleaning ; it helped take her mind off things, well me to be honest. She didn't mean to be rude; she just didn't know how to deal with it.
Our friends didn't come around that much, and looking out the window was my only form of being close to the real world. Just watching the trees sway from left to right bring a sense of peace .My body was giving up on me and the fight back ceased to exist.
Months later and I seemed to be getting progressively worse. Popping pills and staying in bed watching silly soaps was becoming my daily routine. Strangely enough, your mother was becoming more distant towards me. She would wait until i would fall asleep, and slowly tip toe downstairs. Still weary if anyone was looking, she would quietly smoke a pack of cigarettes while indulging herself with a bottle of whisky. I couldn't understand why she was behaving like this. I guess I never knew how hard it was for her to see me in such a state.
There were nights when I tried praying. I wasn't a firm believer, but i always felt there was someone looking over me. I usually started off by going on my knees and closing my eyes, but then i would stop and cry in silence.My whole world was crumbling right in front of me and there was nothing i could do.
Later that night your mother ran upstairs and told me that you were on the way. I'd never felt so much joy. Despite all the pain and heartache we were going through, you was coming. Your arrival was dream coming true.
There was so much excitement, your mother and I couldn't stop thinking of what name to call you. She picked up the phone and called all her friends sharing to them all the great news and that was when it hit me... I may never get the chance to see you.
So here I am writing you this letter, and I pray that you never get to read this...but if you do, I just want you to know that i'll be watching you up and above in the skies. When you grow up my child, just know i will be there in the winds and in the air protecting you always.
You must hate me don’t you? I hate myself too. I never meant to miss out on your birthdays or your first day of school. I tried ever so much to make it through but I just couldn't. Some day we will meet again but until then,please stay strong .Your destiny is far much more greater than mine.
Please take care of your mum, I know she can be annoying at times but that's just her way of showing how much she loves you. Don’t do drugs or get into any criminal activity too, that could really harm your chances of going to university. Be kind and loving to others, and if you ever feel down, just look up to the skies and call on me. I will always protect you my child.
Lots of love from Dad .