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"They Said What" © Rolly A. Chabot

Updated on February 19, 2013


Hi Everyone, welcome and make yourself at home for another of my ramblings about this thing we call life. It is chilly here this morning and the winds are blowing and we are anticipating another of these winter surprises. On the bright side the snow we have is getting dirty looking so we need some fresh new stuff.

For those who have followed me for the number of years I have been around I think it would be safe to say most of my babbling is about life, sprinkled with nature and garnished with some love. OK so I had an awakening in the 60's and I have not fallen asleep yet.

I saw something take place a few weeks back that was hard to watch and it has been reignited over and over again ever since. Seeing as how I got this unforeseen slap at 2:36 am to get up and beat up on the keyboard I would like to share with you an observation.

Fresh coffee is filling the Fireside, Tea for those who prefer. Cuddle in close to your neighbour and lets sit a spell. Know that you are all loved... OK it's the 60's thing happening...

Oh Ya !


Know This Little Guy

Sorry for making this little fella so big but I wanted you to grasp the fact he is determined to accomplish what ever goal he desires. Look close and you will notice he has used every available resource he has, even his tail.

What do you see in this picture. I know, I know a rodent. Maybe some are saying he should be swatted and exterminated but would it not be a shame to destroy his efforts to reach the prize. What do I see and what the heck am I writing about a silly mouse hanging on for life. Right I was getting to that... personally I love this little guy, you see he is a winner, a doer and a survivor. Go for it my little friend, if you need a little boost, just squeak and I will help.

Have you ever watched a child being scolded for something. Maybe the parent has even taken it a step further and struck the child. Even worse has the parent called the child stupid, spoken the words you will never amount to anything. Have you as a child heard those words, has that old feeling of failure and rejection been sparked. We all like to think we are a loving society and yet we all have faced words that have hurt.

What I mentioned earlier of what I had witnessed was a parent telling a little girl she was stupid. You see the child wanted a candy bar at a check out. We have all seen them displayed right there. Placed strategically to be able to temp a child or yes even us as adults. To me they are yet another of those subtle yet clever in your face merchandising efforts to get that last dollar from your pocket schemes. Miss the parents but lets get the kids ploys. OK I am done bashing the marketers.

Back to little girl and Mom. The child wants a treat and Mom gives a menacing glare to the child. Maybe she was having a bad day, maybe the child was having one as well because she made the mistake of asking again. What flooded out of the Moms mouth was the most vile display of parenting and lack of love I have ever been witness too. I understand that parenting is a hard job when a child is unruly. I have never had children and yet I can appreciate a situation like this must be hard but the child became a victim of what verged on hatred. This poor little girl was crushed like a bug under a shoe in an instant in front of all who were within ear shot. The look on her face was far to familiar.


How Sad

I watched this Mom grab her groceries turn to the little girl and toss one last insult her way. "You don't need anymore candy, look at you you are already fat and ugly." She stood and glared at all the adults waiting for someone to say something with fire in her eyes. Well I stared her back down and eventually she cast her eyes down after I said three words, "Shame on you."

After she left there was this buzz from everyone. "Did you see that, horrible, just terrible. After I paid for my things and walked out to my truck I could not help but notice the Mom on her knees crying and the child holding her whispering, "Its OK Mom." This would not have been a moment to disturb what was happening, it was a private time for them.

While driving home that day I could not help but think of just how many of us, how many of the younger parents of today were treated the same as children. Is it something we have learned and carry onto into the next generation. How many of us would never accomplish our goals and ambitions in life because we were told we were stupid. Were those the abusers also abused verbally like this little girl and it became a learned trait.

Over the years of being involved in Ministry this has been a reoccurring issue I have seen over and over again. Even as full grown adults that have wounded spirits, their own little child within carries this burden. It hears those haunting words over and over again. Much of it is connected to feeling unworthy and the worst of all unloved. I have been a part of the cycle and I have been a witness to the devastation it causes in life for people. Addictions, failed marriages, lack of confidence, emotional and physical illness and never feeling complete.

Can I say that I was unloved as a child. No not really but those few words I did hear effected me greatly. "You will never amount to anything, you will fail." Did they come true, yes in many ways because it became a part of my belief system. Our enemy satan whispers it in the ears of us all. My love of nature and the perfect balance opened the door to me to find my faith later in life. It was the place I could leave all those hurts behind and move forward.

My addictions in life were many, I thought they were a living hell. The withdrawals from them were in some cases worse than the addictions. It was my faith that taught me that I am truly loved and gave me the wisdom to love in return. The cycle was broken and I refuse to return to the world of feeling unloved. I am far from perfect after all I am only human.

The Lighter Side


Can We

Yes we can change. We can take control of our emotions and stand firm and say we have had enough. We can all go back and claim that little child in us and say come along self it is time to leave the past and move into what is important and that is today. It is time to forgive others and the hardest part is to forgive yourself. I am not here to preach to you or share with you my beliefs. We each have our own and I would never steal it from you. I will this though if yours is not based on love you will struggle. Please never pass your own struggles onto the innocent child or those around you in life. Love unconditionally and should someone speak something that offends then step forward and say something.

I adopted a quote years ago and I still stand by it today. "Limits exist only in your mind." If it is fed love and understanding and positive influences you will excel in anything you set your mind too. Take a long hard look at the person staring back at you in the mirror, follow your heart and know that above all else you are so dearly loved. You are special and unique and never let anyone take that from you.

© Rolly A Chabot

Know that you are loved.


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    • Rolly A Chabot profile image

      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Morning Deb... yes we can take lessons from children as they are forgiving and yet those children grow to be adults and those harsh hurting words will resurface time and time again in the pain they feel....

      Hugs and Blessings

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 5 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      Words can hurt words can be beautiful. Words words words. This brings tears to my soul. The children hurt the worse but

      They are so forgiving and so full of love. As adults we should take lessons.


    • Rolly A Chabot profile image

      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi tirelesstraveler ... good to have you at the Fireside and hope you found a little peace here. Yes stupid is a hard pill to swallow especially when you are a child and defenceless. Sad but it happens far to often.

      Hugs from Canada

    • tirelesstraveler profile image

      Judy Specht 5 years ago from California

      Stupid is a word that stings like a bull whip. It is pervasive and slips off the tongue like a serpent. Would that we could protect children from it.

      Thanks for the chat.

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image

      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi Nell...thanks for stopping. You are a dear and yes the child is the one who is missing out on love. Later in life if this mother fails to restore the brocken relationship she will be a very lonely Mom...

      Hugs as always

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 5 years ago from England

      Hi Rolly, yes I have seen it too, and after the initial shock I am so mad at the mother, but we stand back and see the pain on the childs face and hardly say anything. Children soak up all the good and bad and never forget it, what a sad story, and I feel for the child, nell

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image

      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi drbj... great to have you stop as always and yes it is a shame to think of the wounded child. They are so precious and no matter how old they are they are still children at heart...

      Hugs and Blessings for the comment

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image

      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi Christy... sorry for the delay in getting back to you and the others. I agree when you ask why. I often wonder what a parent like this would do if someone were to attempt to take this bothersome child and simply love her like she should be loved. The balance that day was lost in the moment.

      Hugs and Blessings from Alberta

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image

      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi Gypsy... your dad was a great role model for you to model your life, thoughts, desires and ambitions on to yourself and the many whom you touch with your words... "Well done good and faithful servant," comes to mind when I think of those times you had with your Dad. Carry the torch my friend and carry it with pride.

      Love and Blessings

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image

      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi Jackie... no need to give an apology. You ahve made some very valid points here and so glad to hear you were able to be with your children during those precious years. Far to often I see children being stuffed into day care while both parents have to work. I suppose the red flag comes up in the questions what are they being taught.

      Parents today if at all possible should do as you did and be there. A swat or a word of caution can go a long way to teaching respect. It can be done without ripping the heart from a child.

      Hugs and Love as always from Canada

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image

      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi Always... Thanks for the comment and so true the child will grow to be a better parent. Years ago it was common to just toss those hurts over your shoulder and buck up and carry on. I have so much respect for the youth of today. They are standing when they come to the age of maturity and saying I will deal with this... It is up to us adults who have experienced it to be the mentors of tomorrows generation.

      Hugs and Blessing as always ...

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image

      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi Wayne... sorry for the delay in getting back to commenting. Life catches up on occasion.

      You are so right when you mention the little child and what they are told and how they perceive themselves through what is spoken over them.

      Hugs and Blessings from Canada

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image

      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi Eric... hugs from te far North my friend. Yes the past can be painful to revisit. I do think there is a time to take inventory and take care of the left behind and unspoken. It will clear the way for us to be a better tomorrow person. Hopefully one filled with more love and more wisdom to help others who are struggling. After all it is His way...

      Hugs and Blessings from Canada

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image

      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi my dear friend Mekenzie... the quote is right on. By doing so I do think the child and or anyone who abuses or speaks poorly will loose the power of cruel and hurting words. You see it is all about power for them. When they can hurt they feel their power. When we pray for protection and ask the words not harm and or one better ask that all that bitterness and anger to be returned to them, it is not long that control is taken away.

      Thank you and Gary for being the loving parents you are and the end result is look at al the extended family and look at how they are living... it is a blessing to have come to know all of you.

      Many hugs and many blessing from Canada

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image

      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi sgbrown... you may certainly link it if you like. Thanks for the visit and yes you are right when you see it happen. Worse yet is when it happens to you and it is something that gets burned into the mind... Thank you for sharing...

      Hugs and Blessings

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image

      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi Carol... so true... pass the salt and ketchup over some of the things I have spoken in haste... it is when we can forgive... then we grow.

      Love from Canada

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image

      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi Eddy my dear friend... I think it good for us to express the pains we have seen. Sometimes writing them out gives us peace. Sharing with others can maybe give them some peace.

      We can choose to live in the past or allow the door to be opened to us. Holding onto things only grows the anger...

      Special hugs today Eddy... we all love you dearly

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Thanks, Rolly, for reminding us how easy it is to crush a child's spirit and ego. And thanks for sharing that '2-wolves' proverb. Those Cherokees knew what they were talking about.

    • ChristyWrites profile image

      Christy Birmingham 5 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      That mother's actions and words in the store make me sad. I don't always understand why some people like this one get to be parents and other people are unable to have children.. I know God has a plan for us all but sometimes I have to reach to see the path.

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 5 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      Voted up and awesome. Powerful and great message Rolly. I've seen parents demoralize their children so much and then later in life wonder why their kids want nothing to do with them. Unfortunately these same kids react toward their children no better. Like a vicious cycle. Don't know what is to blame for this I only have seen the good side of parenting. My dad was always overworked and sometimes had to work throughout weekend because he was the editor of a Latvian newspaper. So what did he do to relieve the stress? Well this is where great parenting comes into play. He took me to the park and became a child himself and played games with me. He didn't reprimand, he didn't scold he became a child and felt so much better for it. Hope all is going good on your side of the world. We still have snow and finally after so long some sun today. Waiting for spring. Hugs and blessings to you and Quigley from me and Sid in Riga. Passing this on.

    • Jackie Lynnley profile image

      Jackie Lynnley 5 years ago from The Beautiful South

      Am glad you were brave enough to tell the mommy that. Maybe it did shame her and who knows what good it may do. I smacked a butt a time or two at home on my two when they would get into danger things but I loved them dearly and never treated them that way. Basically they were baby dolls and very obedient. No one had to put up vases or breakables when they were around, ever. I stayed home with my kids as long as I could and played with them every day. It broke my heart when I had to leave them to go to work once they started school. It really is horrible the way we see parents act right in public. I laugh thinking about my parents talking to one or all of my four younger brothers who sometimes got carried away. They only whispered, "Wait til we get you home!" Usually that put enough fear in them that the incident was completely forgotten by home arrival.

      I mean to say I don't think it is wrong to correct your child but it should be at home and not a spectacle and you can still be an encouraging parent. All children should have responsibilities and not spoiled while they are told they can do anything. So many kids today do nothing and never have, so why would they ever want to? I just think a family should share in all a home is about to make kids know real life and that it is more than cell phones and ipods.

      Didn't mean to get away from your point though, lol, as I say we all see these things but most kids seem to be oblivious to it so it is sad when we see a kid hurt by a parent.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Oh, The mother who was so mean to her daughter is so sad. Many times the child is the compassionate one. God bless everyone of them. Poeple's heart, where is it? A child never forgets cruelty, yet they go on to make wonderful parents. God is good. Thank you Rolly...

    • wayne barrett profile image

      Wayne Barrett 5 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      These are very true and useful words you've given us. Comments made to you, especially when you are a child, can influence you greatly. Sometimes for good, sometimes...not so much. The most important of all is that we love ourselves.

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 5 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Too many memories here. But the cycle can be broken. Maybe for some of us, we need something to overcome in order to do our best. I like to look back and believe that was true for me.

    • Mekenzie profile image

      Susan Ream 5 years ago from Michigan

      Excellent hub full of wisdom and truth. Rolly, so many children are the innocent victims of a parent's own pain and ignorance. Yes I believe many are passing it down to their children with devastating results.

      I am remembering something you said when we discussed this very issue. You said,"You can pray that those words do not touch the child but that they falI to the ground without harming him." Do I have that quote right? I do pray for that. :)

      Thanks for writing about an extremely important topic. I pray God uses it as a wake up call for those whose tongue is as a loose cannon and as a tool for healing for those who have been on the receiving end of verbal abuse.

      Love you Buddy! Voted Up +++


    • sgbrown profile image

      Sheila Brown 5 years ago from Southern Oklahoma

      This is so beautiful! I too, have heard many parents speak horrible words to their children and it makes me want to slap them down! When I was a little girl, my mom once told me that I was ugly when I cried. That hurt so bad and I never forgot it. I have heard some parents say much more bitter and ugly words to their children. You have to wonder, are they just not thinking or do they really just not care! This is an excellent piece of writting! I did write a hub on "5 things you should never say to your child. " I would love to add a link to your hub here, if that would be ok with you. Again, this is an excellent piece, voting up, awesome and socially sharing! :)

    • carol7777 profile image

      carol stanley 5 years ago from Arizona

      Words cannot be taken back. Once said the impact is there. We should all count to 10 when angry and think over what has happened. Many of us are more sensitive to what people think and say about us. I know that I am and sometimes personalize too many things. Interesting here and voting up and sharing.

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 5 years ago from Wales

      Oh Rolly what a heart tugging hub;so powerful and full of truth.

      It is so sad when the cycle carries on and on!! It is either this way or the child is stronger and fights never to treat others as he/she was treated.

      I share my story openly as it is paramount in my mind that my story will help others.I know I cannot save the world but a little here and there is so valuable.I am voting up,across and sharing onto my new FB page.Have a wonderful day my friend and take care.