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Things that shouldn't be bought together...
Some things are better together. Milk and cookies, peanut butter and jelly, bread & butter, it's like it was meant to be. As staples in our lives the two can no longer stand on their own. They make a great couple that when paired together, become one and the same.
Other things however, don't mesh quite as well. They don't get along and should not be put near each other. mentos and soda, bubble gum and Doritos, brownies and lemonade to name a few.
Lastly there's the items that, if put together, will certainly get you some strange looks, and possibly a visit from authorities. Here’s a list of items that, if bought together solely on there own, would be sure to trigger a response, if not an alarm.
Needles and Condoms – This would have to be at the top of the list. Let's see, you stop by to pick up some protection, hoping that tonight's the night. While in the store your mother calls and asks if you can pick up some sewing needles. Being the good son that you are you oblidge, at the counter you suddenly realize how this must look.
Apples and razor blades – I don’t recommend stepping up to checkout with this combo on Halloween.
Twinkies and diet pills– I want to be nice and slim for summer....but I'm not going without my twinkies!
Coffee and rat poison – You pick up some coffee for the office, but there's also that pesky rodent problem. Your boss has really been annoying lately...
Diapers and beer – I've always wanted to get in line at Wal-mart with a case of beer and a box of diapers. When the cashier rings me up I pull out a twenty, look at the two items, and then tell her I don’t want the diapers.
A shotgun and hacksaw - And grab a trench coat while you're there...
Pregnancy test and lottery tickets – Either you're going on an extended vacation, you're starting a college fund, or you're going to do a lot of crying, good luck!
Depends and a video game - Giving up on the job search are we?
Rogaine and nose trimmers - It may be time to connect the dots.
Rope and ladder – May want to put a smile on your face when making this purchase, don't want an impromptu intervention!
Cake and file – Wait, the file goes in the cake? I'm new at this...
A BB gun and ski mask – It’s really cold outside, and that raccoon keeps getting in the trash! You're too preoccupied to realize how this looks until you're approached by a guy with a badge. Care to come with me sir?
Drano and Exlax – Something’s got to give.
Roses and a fishing pole – Gone fishing….and you're sorry. Maybe you'll catch dinner!
Flashlight and shovel – Throw in some duct tape for good measure. Is that your van outside?
Bolt cutters and a bike lock – Ideally this would be better as an exchange. You buy the bolt cutters first, and then return for the bike lock, you know, to protect your new bike.
A chainsaw and Nyquil – Define heavy machinery…
A machete and _______ - Does it matter?
Well I think this gives us a good start. If you find yourself buying any of these two things be sure to throw in some random products just to throw off the scent. You never know what you may need to run out for in the middle of the night, but remember, pay with cash, avoid eye contact, and keep a low profile! Happy shopping!