Thoughts Are Overrated
Updated on October 19, 2011
Though it wasn’t unexpected,
nor did it creep
up from behind me,
or jump out and surprise me,
the truth was always there
to erase me
take away my every hope
my every plea…
I am decaying
one slow tortured day at a time
one pained breath
another pulsing heartbeat
I’m dying, I know this. . .
Whatever makes me human,
or ever did,
is distancing itself from me,
and I can feel its every movement
separating itself from the host
a parasitic curse
given upon birth
I must eventually shed it from myself
and never look back.
I hate to embrace this empty place
deep within myself, always calling,
until now it is screaming
demanding that I heed it
commanding me to let it
take over,
take control,
take my life,
take my soul,
let me rot,
let me die,
make me cry,
make me suffer,
endlessly, daily,
sleeplessly at night, you see,
it’s always here with me,
to destroy me,
and my being,
consuming, corroding,
eluding my every attempt
to draw it out and cure it
My end is clear
my destiny is upon me
waiting, lurking, hoping for my final fall
I don’t think I can hold on anymore
as my strength is finally gone,
and my eyes begin to close,
knowing they won’t open again,
knowing I’ll be dead and gone from then on,
but fear matters not anymore,
or regret, or want,
or longing, or begging,
or striving, or trying…
I can’t understand it,
I can’t comprehend this,
I can’t accept, or reject,
or fight, or surrender to this…
I don’t even know what the fuck THIS is…
A smile is a treasure
genuine is rare
shadows eating through the light,
swallowing hope in silent night
silence is rich, and hard to find
to find it, I listened closely,
ignoring the noise, the bullshit,
cherishing the sound of nothing,
the sight of a wasteland,
the end of our time
red skies painted over craters
atop the clouds I drift,
a smile on my face,
genuine and treasured
the world of which I dreamed
below me on its knees
once upon a time,
I dreamed her by my side
sharing in my smile
a gleaming treasure
to accompany me in my victory,
but now I see, the throne to my right
is meant to be empty
I will sail alone,
as the captain and crew,
and embark to find my treasure.
© copyright Ben D.A 2011