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Thoughts Are Overrated

Updated on October 19, 2011

Though it wasn’t unexpected,

nor did it creep

up from behind me,

or jump out and surprise me,

the truth was always there

to erase me

take away my every hope

my every plea…

I am decaying

one slow tortured day at a time

one pained breath

another pulsing heartbeat

I’m dying, I know this. . .

Whatever makes me human,

or ever did,

is distancing itself from me,

and I can feel its every movement

separating itself from the host

a parasitic curse

given upon birth

I must eventually shed it from myself

and never look back.

I hate to embrace this empty place

deep within myself, always calling,

until now it is screaming

demanding that I heed it

commanding me to let it

take over,

take control,

take my life,

take my soul,

let me rot,

let me die,

make me cry,

make me suffer,

endlessly, daily,

sleeplessly at night, you see,

it’s always here with me,

to destroy me,

and my being,

consuming, corroding,

eluding my every attempt

to draw it out and cure it

My end is clear

my destiny is upon me

waiting, lurking, hoping for my final fall

I don’t think I can hold on anymore

as my strength is finally gone,

and my eyes begin to close,

knowing they won’t open again,

knowing I’ll be dead and gone from then on,

but fear matters not anymore,

or regret, or want,

or longing, or begging,

or striving, or trying…

I can’t understand it,

I can’t comprehend this,

I can’t accept, or reject,

or fight, or surrender to this…

I don’t even know what the fuck THIS is…

A smile is a treasure

genuine is rare

shadows eating through the light,

swallowing hope in silent night

silence is rich, and hard to find

to find it, I listened closely,

ignoring the noise, the bullshit,

cherishing the sound of nothing,

the sight of a wasteland,

the end of our time

red skies painted over craters

atop the clouds I drift,

a smile on my face,

genuine and treasured

the world of which I dreamed

below me on its knees

once upon a time,

I dreamed her by my side

sharing in my smile

a gleaming treasure

to accompany me in my victory,

but now I see, the throne to my right

is meant to be empty

I will sail alone,

as the captain and crew,

and embark to find my treasure.

© copyright Ben D.A 2011


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    • BeyondMax profile image

      BeyondMax 5 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Ben, this is awesome (yeah, I am out of words as my usual self =)) Even though you intended this collection as two separate parts/poems, I admit that I accepted them as one continuous trail of thoughts and it somehow worked. There is an unseen connection, at least in my mind, that brings you to the right conclusion in the end. Whew, I hope I didn't twist your mind with my bent in all directions and dimensions maze. Even the word 'bent' becomes symbolic here =)

    • BenWritings profile image

      BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee

      Epi, I have no excuse for not visiting others' hubs, myself. Thank you for the visit and flattering comment. I appreciate you trying to help as well :] Thanks so much, Sir Epi

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 5 years ago

      ...don't overrate thoughts too much - they are what keeps any writer .....going ..... lake erie time 11:19pm

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 5 years ago

      ...well Sir Ben - I STILL wish I had your youthful good looks and your hair instead of this silly cat in my picture - lol - and please accept my sincere apologies for not showing up on your hallowed poetic doorstep in quite awhile - I just simply have no excuse - for staying away from such a fine young and gifted writer like yourself - I will post this epic piece of thinking and writing to my Bookface page with a direct link back here and we will work on not Beatlemania but Benmania - lake erie time ontario canada 10:45pm

    • BenWritings profile image

      BenWritings 6 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee

      Nikki - thanks for that wonderfully flattering comment :]

      Randy - OH HOW I'VE MISSED your visits on my hubs. Seriously. This was two poems. The bottom 2 sections are separate, but I chose to just combine them.

      Thank you so much for the comment, and I really do like this one more than most that I've written lately. :]

      Come back soon!

    • Randy Behavior profile image

      Randy Behavior 6 years ago from Near the Ocean

      Ben is this meant to be one piece or several? I love the way you are playing with repetition. I read it all aloud, it really worked! Bravo :)

    • Nikkij504gurl profile image

      Nikki Wicked 6 years ago from Louisiana

      your mind is one deep and dark and scary place yet intriguing and empowering and inviting us in. I felt there was 2 poems in this? Everything before the last 2 parts fit together to make one hell of a poem, where you are going through some kind of change and becoming something not human and accepting death as an inevitability. and the last 2 parts I saw you as a Captain or a king embarking on a voyage to the seas, at the end of war and victorious yet alone. Awesome usage of words and imagery.

    • BenWritings profile image

      BenWritings 6 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee

      sharyn - thanks a lot for the great words, and yeah I looooved the pictures :]

      buddkist - thank you for your visit, and I'm glad you could relate to some degree

      cardisa - as always, your words are a great motivation to me, thank you for your loyal support!! :]

      acer - true...true...thank you sir

    • Mentalist acer profile image

      Mentalist acer 6 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

      Dark Rhythms Of Ending And Loss Ben.;)

    • Cardisa profile image

      Carolee Samuda 6 years ago from Jamaica

      This is so powerfully heartbreaking because I recognise a despair and desolation I once experienced.

      "what the f**ck this is", I too could not fathom it. I bent and finally broke as I surrendered to it. You are strong, you refuse to surrender my friend.

      Never give up's a part of you. It's your gift. Writing is the only "place" where you can be who you really want to be, no pretense, no lies. You and writing are one. You stop writing and you give up on yourself......

      Blessing my friend

      Cardisa :)

    • buddhkist profile image

      buddhkist 6 years ago from State of Somewhere

      Nice. This is definitely one of the subjects I think about on a regular basis. Everyone likes to think that death is an end when we all know deep down that there really is no end. There are an infinite number of realities and existences that await us all.

    • Sharyn's Slant profile image

      Sharon Smith 6 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

      WOW Benny,

      This is extremely powerful. And WOW, the photos are awesome. And I love the title too. May you find many many treasures throughout your lifetime!