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To Forgive or To Not Forgive

Updated on April 18, 2015

Everyday we walk and talk, we live our lives according to our hearts, our thoughts, and most importantly our actions. We are the ones who control our own futures to a certain extent. Sometimes, people our lives they may end our future and other times people enter our lives so that we can begin our future.New light, new dark, newborn, new death occurs on a daily basis. We think a thousand thoughts and can never truly focus on one, unless a problem presents itself. The problem that I speak of is forgiveness.

As human beings, we tend to forgive others depending on three criteria: the wrongdoing they have done, others opinions/perspectives on what this person has done to us, and most importantly the way that it made us feel from that other person doing this wrongdoing. An example of this wrongdoing or where forgiveness would occur is if someone were to cheat on you. When someone cheats, the first thing that we fill is pain, then we think with our hearts, others opinions, and our thoughts. We use these three points along with some others on whether or not we will forgive this person. However, there are some viewpoints that we don't take into perspective.

One of these viewpoints is that life is short. As I mentioned earlier people could enter our lives to either helps us, love us, or maybe even hurt us in a bad way. We can not predict the future on when something will or will not happen to us. Sometimes, our lives may lie in some one else's hand and we might not even know it. Due to this reason, some people tend to forgive others because they realize that life is short. Others that tend to forgive others may see this as a reason to forgive, but also as a reason to leave this person out of their life for good. When we tend to no longer have someone out of our lives, remember to always leave on good terms, you never know what may or may not happen to them, good or bad.

Others opinions and perspectives must be taken with a grain of salt. When I say this I mean, it is ourselves who must ultimately make the decision whether to forgive someone or not, and that we should not be swayed simply by what others' think or would do in a certain situation. We can listen to what others say, but we should not always act on what others say. They are not feeling what we feel in that exact moment that we confide in someone else. This is how we gain from experience is by making decisions on our own and learning ways to not deal with the bad experiences on our own.

Last but not least is how much pain do we feel from the wrongdoing that this person has done. Is this the first time that they have hurt us? Is there always an excuse that doesn't quite make sense? Do we feel as if they hurt us intentionally? These are three important questions that we must take into consideration, when we are deciding on whether or not to forgive someone. We must understand that we should not constantly fall in to a pattern of constantly forgiving someone over and over again. The reason for this is because the person whom you are forgiving will think that they can hurt you over and over again and you will forgive them everyone. One day, you will come to a realization that you deserve respect, that you are worthy of not being hurt anymore, and that there is not enough love in the world that will allow you to keep someone in your life who constantly disrespects and hurts you with no regard of treating you differently.

How many times have you forgive someone ?

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    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 20 months ago from California

      It is important to forgive, but sometimes soooo difficult

    • profile image

      Maravha Takalani 2 years ago

      i have been caused pain by a whom i thought she was best friend but she have proven me coz i have realized that when she has her other friends she made them fun of me ,just because i'm kind and i'm so quit.I don't know how to forgive her but in my heart what i know is that i have forgiven her. THANK YOU , for letting me share my story.

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      A tough one though I find myself easily letting go and forgiving others.

    • aviannovice profile image

      Deb Hirt 2 years ago from Stillwater, OK

      Hear, hear! This basically boils down to our own self-respect in some ways. Sorry it has taken so long to read this. School had me stymied for a while. Do you forgive me?

    • RTalloni profile image

      RTalloni 2 years ago from the short journey

      Forgiveness is one of the most confusing issues people face. A really helpful book on the topic is Unpacking Forgiveness by Chris Brauns:

      http://www.amazon.com/Unpacking-Forgiveness-Biblic...

      It covers the topic for us in a thorough but easy to read manner, and the Appendix should not be missed.

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 2 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

      Life's lessons have been my greatest teacher. Forgiveness of others allows us to move forward and live our lives - away from them if necessary.

      Thank you for this thought provoking piece - Voted UP and UABI.

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 2 years ago from New York

      Lots to think about here torrilynn. You've written and reflective hub giving your readers much to think about. "But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also." We must forgive and the Bible tells us to do it over and over, however, you make a good point. Forgiving someone who is abusing you is not healthy.

      Voted up, useful, and interesting.

    • word55 profile image

      Word 2 years ago from Chicago

      Hi torrilynn, to forgive is to be forgiven. We are taught that in order to be forgiven by God we should forgive others. "forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors." You should forgive someone but don't let them hurt you again and again. Excellent write up here. God bless!

    • peachpurple profile image

      peachy 2 years ago from Home Sweet Home

      it is hard to forgive but you had to if you want peace and order

    • Paul Kuehn profile image

      Paul Richard Kuehn 2 years ago from Udorn City, Thailand

      How can we call ourselves Christians or religious people with moral virtues if we are unwilling to forgive? Yes, it is hard to do, but the world would be a much better place if there was more understanding and especially forgiveness. Voted up and sharing with HP followers.

    • CatherineGiordano profile image

      Catherine Giordano 2 years ago from Orlando Florida

      I write about forgiveness (in hubs) and I have a speech that I give about it also. Forgiveness is important for the one doing the forgiving. Always try to forgive regardless of any other factors because it is so beneficial to you.

    • kalinin1158 profile image

      Lana ZK 2 years ago from California

      Oooooh...forgiveness. That's a tough one. I can agree with the point that life is short and it's probably not worth it to hold on to the hurt. But why is it so hard?? It also depends on a person. Some people I can forgive easily, multiple times, and never remember the bad. With others, it's like pulling teeth. Thanks for the hub, great read!

    • torrilynn profile image
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      torrilynn 2 years ago

      @Jackie Lynnley i agree forgiveness is not easy and that it can be necessary in order to have peace within ourselves.

    • torrilynn profile image
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      torrilynn 2 years ago

      I agree with your perspective that we should forgive but that we should also put up boundaries as well. thanks for stopping by.

    • torrilynn profile image
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      torrilynn 2 years ago

      @tobusiness thanks for your positive feedback and I agree that you shouldn't easily forgive someone

    • torrilynn profile image
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      torrilynn 2 years ago

      @ubanichijioke thanks for the positive feedback and im glad that you agreed with me with not constantly forgiving someone that keeps causing you harm.

    • ubanichijioke profile image

      Alexander Thandi Ubani 2 years ago from Lagos

      I love the way you summarized the last paragraph. Yes, it is good to forgive but never make it a habit to be forgiving someone repeatedly or the person will take you for granted. I forgive and expect to be forgiven when I fall short. Howbeit, I always endeavour not to repeat the same mistake again.

    • tobusiness profile image

      Jo Alexis-Hagues 2 years ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

      Interesting and thought-provoking. While I forgive, I don't easily forget. Forgiveness allows us to move on, it is something we do for ourselves as much as for those who hurt us. Great hub, thank you for sharing.

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 2 years ago from southern USA

      Thanks for sharing your perspective on forgiveness. When we have been hurt by others, it is difficult to forgive but God tells us we must no matter how many times even 7 X 70 if need be. Forgiving another does not mean we can't put up boundaries to further protect ourselves from harm.

      Blessings

    • Jackie Lynnley profile image

      Jackie Lynnley 2 years ago from The Beautiful South

      Forgiveness is not easy but necessary for us.

    • torrilynn profile image
      Author

      torrilynn 2 years ago

      @GypsyRoseLee i agree forgiveness is key to peace with oneself.

      @webfinance it is a good thing that you are learning the key to forgiveness day by day.

      @NellRose i agree that at some times forgiveness can be hard and i thank you for stopping by and leaving your feedback

      @KathleenKerswig i agree we must forgive ourselves in knowing that we are not what caused the other person to treat us indifferently. when we forgive ourselves we then can move on to forgiving others and moving forward with our lives.

      @Frank Atanacio thank you for finding my hub useful and interesting. I'm to have received your positive feedback.

    • torrilynn profile image
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      torrilynn 2 years ago

      @MsDora thank you for commenting and for agreeing with me when it comes to forgiveness.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 2 years ago from The Caribbean

      Torrilyn, I like the balance you introduce on this topic. Forgiveness has its benefits, but a speedy repetitive forgiveness can rob us of the opportunity to deal with the root problem of the offense. Thanks for sharing this helpful perspective.

    • webfinance profile image

      Anna 2 years ago from Mars

      I am studied about Forgiveness when I was a children. My parent teach me should forgiven someone who make me sad. they said me that the sadness is just disappear when you forgiven and why don't you think that is a experience which help you can feel life in more deep. but, this is very hard....it is too hard to forget the mistakes which make me damnific. So, I still try to learn how to forgiven ..

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 2 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      Forgiveness can be a hard thing but it is the best thing to do. Always best to forgive and move on.

    • profile image

      Kathleen Kerswig 2 years ago

      I have been taught that forgiveness is not for the other person; it is really for me. When I forgive someone for doing me wrong, a weight is lifted off of my shoulders. I know that I have made many mistakes over the years and I have asked people to forgive me often. I have decided it is better to release the need to judge. I may never have all of the facts as to why someone has done me wrong so I'm better off forgiving and moving forward. Thank you for sharing about this important topic. Blessings!

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 2 years ago from England

      I find it very hard to forgive someone, but it does all depend on who or what they do, but very interesting stuff Torri, thanks, nell

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      interesting but nevertheless useful.. Torrylynn.. I forgive because life is too short and that's my only criteria.. hmm but this was helpful offering your perspective bless you