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To: My Man in The Can

Updated on January 10, 2017
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Paula has freelanced for nearly 40 years. She has a passion for her forte of Behavioral Science & continuing education in this field.

Listen while you read & DANCE too!!

Tommy's Job
Tommy's Job

Yee HAW!! It's that thar BLAKE!!!

Tell Me a Secret!

Do you enjoy nonsense Poems that make you LAUGH??

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Dear "Pig Sty"

Lots of folks told me to write you a letter,

'Bout how, since yer gone, everything's better.

I figured I might, so I stayed up all night,

So this here's my letter to read if you might.


The kids are just fine, they don't ask 'bout you,

With chores and all that, they got more to do.

Ray mows the lawn, Tommy dumps out the trash

They say it beats seein yer sorry ash.




The neighbors like always, tend to poke in my business,

Hank says if I want, he'll be a witness

His wife really hates you, she's glad you ain't here

To gawk at her chest and fondle her rear




The paper boy brought me the news today

That yer back in the can and this time, to stay

Yer drinkin and cursin was too much for us,

I hear when they cuffed you, you put up a fuss.






My sister and kids came to dinner last night

They finally admitted that you "just ain't right."

We won't be to see you, so don't be awaitin

Jes talk to yer cell mate, first cuzin to Satan


Yer barn's been cleaned out, all yer porno is gone.

I'm dating the Mayor, we're out until dawn.

He says to tell you, "Thanks for the vote."

And how he loves fishin in yer brand new boat



Grandpa died and left me his bank book

His last words to you were, "Rot, you damned crook."

Grandma, she's lonely, but she'll be O.K.

Long as shut out and locked up yer gonna stay



So, guess I'll be goin, I told you the news

And by the way, when you lay down to snooze

Remember we "dis" you an awful damned lot

If you come back around, yer bound to get shot.


Hope my letter brightened yer day

With love, hugs and kisses, Yer Wife DAISY MAY





**See Pig Sty's reply to Daisy at:

http://docmo.hubpages.com/hub/Howdy-Daisy-May





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  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 5 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Pig Sty!! So, yer finally outta the can? Hope yer gonna be a changed man. Me & yer boys is a-waitin fer ya ta com'on home! Make sure ya ain't got no cooties from yer cell mate!! Ah thinks I still love ya! Daisy May.

  • Docmo profile image

    Mohan Kumar 5 months ago from UK

    Oi Daisy May How ya doin! Was fondly revisiting the Daisy May series. Love em all over again, Paula.

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    Siddharth Kapoor 10 months ago

    You are a baby......I mean a child like me. HAHA......always wear the smile Paula.

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 10 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    LOL. Thanks. Once in a while I have to get silly and write a nonsense poem!....Most of my writing is pretty serious. I'm a laugher at heart. Glad this gave you a chuckle.

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    Siddharth Kapoor 10 months ago

    You gave me some chuckles.....Paula. You sweet beauty!!

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 16 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Cyndi.......Happy to see you! I'm glad that Daisy could help start your day with a chuckle!

  • Cyndi10 profile image

    Cynthia B Turner 16 months ago from Georgia

    As we say in the South "What a hoot!" Clever and fun to read. I started my day reading it.

    Take care.

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 16 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Hey there Vellur I'm glad you stopped by

    I reckon it's a heck of a walk from Dubai!

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 16 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Jodah &

    Shyron

    Bout time you found this. It's been here 3 years

    Don't worry bout me, I ain't sheddin no tears

    Ole pig sty he's rottin behind County bars

    Far as we care he could be on Mars.

    The boyz are growed up now married with kids

    Their women are crazy, always blowin their lids

    Too bad fer them but that's what they git

    Fer being like pig sty, that sorry ole $hit!

    Y'all come back now, ya hear?!

  • Vellur profile image

    Nithya Venkat 16 months ago from Dubai

    Ha! Ha! Enjoyed reading, vote up.

  • Shyron E Shenko profile image

    Shyron E Shenko 16 months ago from Texas

    I didn't know you knew my ex, any boys are Brett and Walter. Made me laugh so hard, I was hurtin. where has this one been hiddin.

    Loved it, got to look for Docmo's

    Blessings my friend.

  • Jodah profile image

    John Hansen 16 months ago from Queensland Australia

    Just found this Paula and Docmo's reply. Love 'em both!

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 2 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    SHO-NUFF did!! Glad ya'all love Blake....He shor is PURDY!!

  • Sunshine625 profile image

    Linda Bilyeu 2 years ago from Orlando, FL

    You added Blake's video...chew tobacco, chew tobacco, chew tobacco...spit! LOVE that song and LOVE Blake too! :)

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 2 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    LOL!! I know what you mean! They're everywhere!

  • bethperry profile image

    Beth Perry 2 years ago from Tennesee

    Very funny lol! But I have to wonder if we don't live in the same town!

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 3 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Howie.....Alter egos can be fun, as long as one has all their marbles and realizes it's all just a show.......We can be someone else and do silly things and it's not our fault...right?

    Gotta watch out for the psychos though...who actually BELIEVE they are someone else.......like Hitler or God!!! LOL!!! that can get a bit spooky!!

    Thanks for stopping back. :)

  • Howie Watts profile image

    Howie Watts 3 years ago

    LOL Reminds me of a few fellows I used to be in a singing group with. They each formed alter ego's and would occasionally make an appearance as the saggy bottom boys lol. One of them still maintains his alter as Vern, and has his own facebook page. It is always worth a good laugh.

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 3 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Howie.....Can't believe Pig Sty is making the rounds again! This is an oldie but goodie......had fun with this at the time.

    Ever once in a WHAL....Daisy sneeks up on me en ah anser jes lahk she wood.....ole billy buc, mah bro....he sez ah prolly reely do tawk lahk this en jes pretendin to be frum NY!!

    So far I have 2 hub alter-egos......Daisy Mae and Gabby Van Gibberish. Gabby's an 82 years old "Tell it like it is" advice columnist. She's totally politically INCORRECT!!

    Thanks for the visit... Y'all hear?

  • Howie Watts profile image

    Howie Watts 3 years ago

    This was hilarious. Hailing from Appalachia myself, I think you may have just described one or more of my relatives. Thanks for the laugh out loud :-)

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Well, thank you Audra....it makes me smile to know I gave you some comic relief! Pig Sty is quite the guy! But Daisy is popular with the boys!

  • profile image

    AudraLeigh 4 years ago

    You have great comedic genious in your words! What great comic relief to read this afternoon! Voted up! Love your poetry! You have found your calling!

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Honey.....I see that, you poor girl! Debate is healthy and beneficial, SOMETIMES. When people can remain open and objective....respectful and rational. It eventually becomes evident when the "hot head" in the bunch, has brought all their anger and bitterness to the debate. It never works well! LOL

  • HoneyBB profile image

    Honey Halley 4 years ago from Illinois

    Hahaha...that was awesome. I needed a good laugh after all the serious debating I've been doing. Voted++

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Thanks, Jen. Poor Pig Sty has been all but forgotten by his kin on the outside!

  • Jennifer Stone profile image

    Jennifer Stone 4 years ago from the Riverbank, England

    This was a great read, very entertaining! Thank you! Voted up and stuff, all the best, Jen

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Glad that Pig Sty and Daisy May could entertain you!! They're a crazy couple!!

  • Thelma Alberts profile image

    Thelma Alberts 4 years ago from Germany

    Awesome! Hilarious! When I read the title, I thought of a man in a real can and how he went there. Right, I´m cleared now. Thanks for this tremendous funny poem. I´ve gotta read the answer of Pig Sty´s to Daisy May.

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Thank ya kindly Miss Suzie ......sure am a-hopin ah see ya at mah bachlurett party! Bring yer own dang moonshine, girl!

  • Suzie HQ profile image

    Suzanne Ridgeway 4 years ago from Dublin, Ireland

    What a riot Paula, excellent poem! Gotta check out "Pig Sty's" letter!! Great gift you got going here - lovin this!! Had me in stitches, great pics too! Voted up, more and shared!! :-)

  • Just Ask Susan profile image

    Susan Zutautas 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada

    Been here before and rolled on the floor .... had to come back and read it once more...

    This was great, funny, entertaining, and I laughed all through it again.

    I'll probably be back to read it again. :)

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Yes, Mamm...Ah am reely sweet!

  • jpcmc profile image

    JP Carlos 4 years ago from Quezon CIty, Phlippines

    Such a sweet letter. LOL

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Thought Sandwiches.......Hey thar! That's zackly what ah used to pack in Pig Sty's lunch bucket.....he asked for tuna and ah gave him peanut butter......cuz ah tole him ah was soo dern pist at him ah never even thought sandwiches..................come on by n see me agin thar, cutey!!

  • ThoughtSandwiches profile image

    ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada

    fpher...

    I LOVE this! A poignant story set to rhyme...your old man...was obviously slime! Great job! They say that inmates love to get letters but I would think that they would rethink those notions after getting something like this!

    Still laughing!

    Thomas

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Kelly, you cute 'lil housewife, you! where the heck you been? I thaut you done read this already! Ah could tell ya what kinda bait I use...but then Ah'd have to kill ya. Us purdy girls cain't be givin up our secrets.

    Let's just say that thar Mayor is jest another stoopid politishun......and he done falls fer my bait every time!!! LOL... Hot Dang, girl !!! Ah done got me a BIG one this time!!! ROFLMAO.......Pig Sty is yesterdays road kill!!!!! hahahahahahahahah ah'm EVIL.

  • RealHousewife profile image

    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    ROTFL! I bet that was some fancy bait...all shiny and glittery and such! hhahahah you crack me up woman!

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    shara.....I'm glad this could make you laugh. It's good way to start your day!!

  • shara63 profile image

    Farhat 4 years ago from Delhi

    "In the nonsense, peeping out your Great Poetry Sense,

    with every read on your hubs, finding the abundance !!

    Thanks a lot, for the laugh!

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    You can tell your story on HubPages...but y'all prolly git yer dern self in a heap o trubble!!!

  • WD Curry 111 profile image

    WD Curry 111 4 years ago from Space Coast

    I don't know what's up with that. I fixed a typo and it divided itself in two. Just keep the second one. The first one has a typo.

  • WD Curry 111 profile image

    WD Curry 111 4 years ago from Space Coast

    Voted up and all.

    Been there, done that. Got the T-shirt, the coffee mug, the hat and the over-blown child support payments. There are two sides to every story, but I can't tell mine. She interrupts me in mid-sentence every time. It is enough to drive a man to drink.

    At least get me another pair of underwear, and some socks. I can wash them in the sink. Some cigarettes would be nice. I don't smoke, I need it them to get in on the poker game.

  • joanveronica profile image

    Joan Veronica Robertson 4 years ago from Concepcion, Chile

    Great poetry! Way to go! Voted up, funny and awesome! You have a way with words, I'm green with envy! Have a great day! (I'm sure you will, with that sense of humor).

  • Brett.Tesol profile image

    Brett Caulton 4 years ago from Thailand

    LMAO! Very well written, witty and fun ... loved it. Not a fan of poetry usually, but this was a great read.

    Sharing with followers for a laugh, up and funny.

  • alocsin profile image

    alocsin 4 years ago from Orange County, CA

    This was a great, folksy way to end my evening. Voting this Up and Funny.

  • Sharyn's Slant profile image

    Sharon Smith 4 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

    Oh my gosh, you are _________ ___________ _______, oh forget that. You are so silly Paula!!! I could not read this and the comments without picturing at least one or two of your teeth missing. And I just noticed a little twang in my voice when I told my cats "izz time ta ge ta bed grls." Hope I don't dream about the man in the can. Nighty night!

  • JayeWisdom profile image

    Jaye Denman 4 years ago from Deep South, USA

    I have to keep stopping back by to read the comments and your replies. You've really got that hillbilly dialect down pat! Watch out or you'll find yourself talking like that in public....

    Jaye

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Hey Cuzin Coge!! Good to hear from a kinfolk!! You still goin into town to see them Hollywood pikcher shows?

    Ah reckon you was a-lookin at me holdn up the fish........them suckers musta weighed 15 pound a piece...........the fish was heavy too.

    Christy:

    Ah ain't no lady.......but ah sure am funny........Pig Sty sez he ain't laffed one bit since he's been in the can.......he misses my huge.......smile.

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Mama Kim.......Shor nuff is true as rain for some folk!! My Aunt Milly...she married a Dilly........Darryl Dilly..........they's got a whole litter a kids........Billy Dilly, Nilly Lu Dilly, Silly Sue Dilly, baby Milly Dilly.........and their hound dog, Pickle Dilly.......they live down in Hilly Holler........ole Darryl he makes the best moonshine in the valley........

  • ChristyWrites profile image

    Christy Birmingham 4 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

    LOL you are one funny lady!!

  • Cogerson profile image

    Cogerson 4 years ago from Virginia

    An excellent piece of writing....with some great photos to look at while reading...I enjoyed this hub that kept me smiling all the way through....you continue to impress....voted up and awesome

  • Mama Kim 8 profile image

    Sasha Kim 4 years ago

    Love this! Funny, but also sad to think its the truth for some people.

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Kelly....You shoulda seen the BAIT!!! ROFLMAO!!!!

  • RealHousewife profile image

    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Very funny Paula! ha! Those were some big fish:) LOL

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    I ain't got no ideer who Paula is....but I'm a-writin to Pig Sty just soon as I can!! Hold on Doc....Ah jus got back from fishin with the Mayor! Daisy

  • Docmo profile image

    Mohan Kumar 4 years ago from UK

    Hi Paula - I've linked this hub to mine and wonder if you'd do the same .. people can see the to and fro conversation between these two !

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Skarlet.....Thank ya kindly for stoppin by.....Daisy may need your female support......since Pig Sty is startin to write those crazy luv letters from the can......and Daisy just ain't interested!!

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    I think that daisy and Pig Sty will probably write back and forth....since Pig Sty is desperate to win back Daisy's love and Daisy is determined to keep Pig Sty.....far far away........The battle of the Banjos begins!.

  • Skarlet profile image

    Skarlet 4 years ago from California

    So fun. I absolutely love the way you write. Voted up:)

  • tobusiness profile image

    Jo Alexis-Hagues 4 years ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

    I do hope you and Docmo keep this going, these characters are priceless and outrageously funny. Just loved it.

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Martie..hey girlfriend....from A-Z?? Why, that thar is the whole dern alphabet, ain't it??

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Docmo....What's that you say?? That ole man doe writ me a letter??? I'm gonna hi-tail it over yonder and git that!!

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    King Macxler....Yep, I got myself a guarnteed certificate in how to talk good Inglish and I ain't had no trouble since then!

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Yeah...Pig Sty says I'm always good for a p,m,laugh....least that's what I think he says!! Thank ya kindly Travel about!

  • MartieCoetser profile image

    Martie Coetser 4 years ago from South Africa

    This was such a fun read, Paula! I smiled from A-Z. And to do this in rhyme!

    Well, if you're good, you're good :)

    Thanks to Docmo's link, I have not missed this :)

    Voted up and very entertaining @ 2:00am in the morning :)

  • Docmo profile image

    Mohan Kumar 4 years ago from UK

    Daisy May, Pig Sty's gone and written you a letter. thought he couldn't write but he's learnt a trick or two in the can. and he wants you back! See 'Howdy Daisy May!'

  • kingmaxler profile image

    kingmaxler 4 years ago from Olympia, Washington USA

    Well gosh darn it, you sure do know howta put together them words. I reckon that mighta been one of my kin you was ritin' bout, but harm no chicken or sumpin like dat. I was a howlin' as I red it. You is one funny lady.

  • TravelAbout profile image

    Katheryn 4 years ago from United States

    I usually get my a.m. laugh from Billybuc....I just got a bonus with a p.m. hoot from you. Great!

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    50 Caliber I am glad I could make you laugh out loud!!! Daisy and the Mayor are laughing too!! The mayor really likes his BIG fish!!

    Millionaire Tips..........

    .YES !! and FEWER women should have husbands like PIG STY!!! LOL!

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    50 Caliber

    I am glad I could make you laugh out loud!!! Daisy and the Mayor are laughing too!! The mayor really likes his BIG fish!!

    Millionaire Tips...........YES !! and FEWER women should have husbands like PIG STY!!! LOL!

  • Millionaire Tips profile image

    Shasta Matova 4 years ago from USA

    I keep seeing this hub shared in my feed that I just had to come read it. I am glad I did - it is hilarious. More women need that kind of attitude!

  • 50 Caliber profile image

    50 Caliber 4 years ago from Arizona

    Effer, stopping in for a first read and got a whopper, laughed out loud, and dang if what the mayor caught would drop the bait I reckon I could throw my tackle on it even at my age LOL but seriously I'd prolly run through the briars and brambles to eascape.

    Peace,

    Dust

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    JOOLS Make sure you print....real BIG..........and the only thing strong about Pig Sty is his odor.......and he ain't silent, just stoopid!

  • Jools99 profile image

    Jools99 4 years ago from North-East UK

    Stop teasing me Effer, I like the strong, silent time. I might write to him myself :o)

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Ruchira....Y'all can come round here anytime y'all wanna laff yer butt off!!

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Twenty five.......Don't mean to be pokin no fun at ya, but I think ya done wrote down yer age, stead a yer name! you been chuggin too much moonshine, neighbor!

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Jools.....Pig Sty can't write too good....so he won't be answerin Daisy, les'en his cellie writes it fer him!

    He told me to tell you, he don't wanna talk about his private stuff that got him throwed in the can. He's an ornery ole cuss.

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    pagesvoice......Don't you never mind bout yer writin. It's the thought that counts!

  • twentyfive profile image

    twentyfive 4 years ago

    Oh that was so funny I LOLed so much reading each line. :) Peace.

  • Ruchira profile image

    Ruchira 4 years ago from United States

    hahaha...I could not hold my self while reading this love-hate letter.

    What a wonderful relationship this couple share ;)

    Good to see this funny side of you, Paula.

    LOVED it! I would like to see this side of you more often :))

    voted up and shared across as funny!!

  • Jools99 profile image

    Jools99 4 years ago from North-East UK

    Effer, Ha Ha! I loved this , smiled all the way through but you should not stop there - we need his letter of reply and then her further retort!

    I love it that she's livin' it large in his brand new boat - what on earth was he involved in??????

    Voted up and shared - loved it.

  • pagesvoice profile image

    Dennis L. Page 4 years ago from New York/Pennsylvania border

    Voted up and funny. Doesn't every family have one of dem dear kin folk jest hangin round? Thanks fer jump startin my day wit a little humor. I'm a askin dat y'all fergive my penmanship cause ya know I never did too well in dat dern ole school building.

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Terri......Good to see you. Thanks for stopping by. Daisy will be busy campaigning for the Mayor now, so she won't have time for Holidays! But Pig Sty has a lot of time on his hands now. Maybe he can work on some greetin cards!!

  • Terri Meredith profile image

    Terri Meredith 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

    This is too funny. You should write out a whole set of these hubs as greeting card letters for different holidays! I can just imagine what you'd say for Halloween and Turkey Day. Voted up and funny!

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    You ain't just-a-kiddin sweet cheeks! Go on now....GIT!!

  • B Lucy profile image

    B Lucy 4 years ago from Podunk, Virginia

    LOL! Thinkin' I should be movin' along then, huh?! =) LOVE your sense of humor. Voted up . . and FUNNY!!!

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Hey there, B Lucy! I know you! Yer that gal in the low-cut red dress that Pig Sty was sneakin into his barn last week, ain't ya??!! Well...you can HAVE him, honey!

    Hope you ain't in no big hurry.......he's in the can for a long, long time!

  • B Lucy profile image

    B Lucy 4 years ago from Podunk, Virginia

    Haha! Loved this! And I'm fairly certain I live in the same town . . .

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    momster

    daskittlez

    prettynutjob

    Thanks for stopping by and reading my letter to Pig Sty....glad you enjoyed it and got a chuckle from it! Appreciate your comments!! Peace!

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Docmo.......And by companion hub, you mean, a letter from Pig Sty to Daisy May? I think that would be awesome! Go for it......He's in the can for a long time......they can write back and forth or months!! lol

    Thanks Docmo.......I'm flattered you have interest in my hub!

  • Docmo profile image

    Mohan Kumar 4 years ago from UK

    FP- how did I miss this. This too darn good. I 'm chucklin' and chortlin' as you go a larking. I couldn't resist writing a reply to Daisy May from 'Pig Sty' which started like this:

    Howdy Daisy May, I hear what you say

    I’m done hankering for our roll in the hay

    I ain’t what you think; I’ve gone changed my way

    Please do tell my boys, Tommy and Ray...

    and I couldn't stop now it is 5 verses long. Do I have your permission to post a 'companion' hub to this?

    Voted/up/ funny/ awesome.

  • prettynutjob30 profile image

    Mary 4 years ago from From the land of Chocolate Chips,and all other things sweet.

    Very funny and entertaining hub.

  • daskittlez69 profile image

    daskittlez69 4 years ago from midwest

    Thanks for the laugh

  • momster profile image

    momster 4 years ago

    That is to funny. Great way to put it simple and truthful. Great job, Thanks for sharing.

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Tex.......I lost my dickshunary. Can't look up that thar fancy word, Avant Garde..........ain't that one a them tin lids ya put over the vent of granny's wood burnin stove?

    Heck......we already done that. Don't be so dern sassy!!!

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    hahahahahaha....Hell, you ain't done so bad yerself, yankee gal.......don't take too much to lurn how to talk red neck.....B'sides.......thar's REAL live red necks not too dern far from me......all round them thar Amish folk who don't have no lectricity and ride them buggies with the big horses!

    Party in our holler tonite....bring yer own moonshine!!

  • tillsontitan profile image

    Mary Craig 4 years ago from New York

    Howdeee....I"ll be gol darned! I had no idee that country folk stretched all the way up north. I thought they stopped sellin' plaid shirts and pickup trucks just north of the Mason Dixon line.

    Tell the mayor we was askin for 'im. Wouldn' want to upset him s'long as he's yer friend.

    Absolutely loved this.

    Voted up, funny and awesome 'cause there ain't no hilarious!

  • texshelters profile image

    texshelters 4 years ago from Mesa, Arizona

    Avant Garde Redneck humour. I didn't think it could be done. Thanks.

    PTxS

  • fpherj48 profile image
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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Gypsy

    Josh

    Thank you both for coming by to share a laugh!! I'm so glad you liked my letter to Pig Sty....that old Coot!!

    Ooops...gotta run.....the Mayor's honkin his horn to pick me up!!

    Bye-Bye Ya'all

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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Wayne.....under oath, Your Honor......I have no clue where this came from. I think I became temporarily posessed by spirits from the Dukes of Hazzard.......I mean, I'm a 100% pure Yankee.......

    Kinda scary......I sat down at the keyboard and it just came out.

    Thanks for reading and for your nice comment!

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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Oops! Alicia......I must have gone right past you and your little kitty....shame on me.

    Thanks for stopping by for a laugh or 2! Daisy May....she's a funny kinda gal!

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    Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

    Paula,

    Awesome and Hilarious poem! You had me cracking up! I loved it :) Thanks for the share!

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    Gypsy48 4 years ago

    I enjoyed this very entertaining and funny poem. I needed a good laugh today. Well done:) voted funny and awesome

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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    mary615........You is a red neck??!! Well, hot dog, girl. I bet my Daddy's hound dog , you and me is cuzins!!

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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Thank ya kindly, Maria.....if yer sendin me an email...don't be usin any a them long, fancy words. I dropped my dern dickshunary in the hog pen.

    Well bless yer little ole heart too, suger............

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    Mary Hyatt 4 years ago from Florida

    What a hoot!!! I loved it. Hey, be careful how you talk about Red Necks: I ARE ONE!

    I voted this UP and Funny and will share the fun with others.

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    Maria Jordan 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

    Well, 'bless your heart', effer... this had me puttin' down the shot glass I was laughin' so derned hard... you tickle me, girlfriend!

    That does it... I'm sendin' you an e-mail about an upcoming project! Stay tuned...

    Voted UP & FAB. Hugs, Maria

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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Tammy....I am happy that you like this so much.......and glad I could give you a good laugh. That's your cardio- work-out for the day!

    You know.....after I wrote that dern thing....I kept on talkin like a red neck right outta Kentucky......I just couldn't stop! Made the vittles and we just set down and ET it all up.....yep, we did.

    Thank you SO much for sharing......Yer such a sweet purdy little thing, girl!! I jes wanna send you some sugar!

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    Wayne Brown 4 years ago from Texas

    I have been in this exact place...woke up one morning with a crazy set of rhymes going through my head and off I went to write....that's how "Crocogator Shoes" came about. I knew you were a poet and when you start rhyming humor, well, you're just plain addicted, Miss Kitty. I predicted that one year from now, poetry will be your claim to fame! LOL. Good stuff! WB

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    Tammy 4 years ago from North Carolina

    Wow.. Reminds me of that old show Hee Haw my parents used to watch, but funny. You have a real talent for funny country. A series on these people would be hilarious, how they met, the wedding... I laughed out loud reading it. Excellent!

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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    shea duane.....sooooooooooooooooo glad you liked it. That makes me happy.....that, and the Mayor!! Yee Haw!

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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    POP....well, I guess that must be GOOD for me. I'm glad I could make you laugh.............you work so hard, spending all your time cooking and writing and looking into your crystal ball........you deserve a break.

    Pour another cup of coffee and kick back and relax......find more hubs to make you laugh!

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    shea duane 4 years ago from new jersey

    soooooooooooon funny!

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    breakfastpop 4 years ago

    I laughed so hard I choked on my breakfast. Up funny and awesome.

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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Nell...I know what Deliverance was about...and I surely am familiar with he "banjo tune" that has come to be the very identity of this movie......but, the reality is.....I do not live that far-removed from "genuine red-neck territory" out here....visible, live and kickin......and I do mean, a-kickin!!

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    Linda Crampton 4 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

    This is hilarious, fpher48, and very creative! Thanks for the great entertainment.

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    Nell Rose 4 years ago from England

    Haha! oh effer that was hilarious! reminded me of those old films as linda said, Deliverance and stuff like that! brilliant!

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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    writer20....Just to make this clear......I don't have nosy neighbors.......Daisy May does, poor thing..

    I have Zero neighbors and I LOVE it.

    OH! and btw....I don't call my hubby "Pig Sty"........he's actually "Stud Muffin."

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    Joyce Haragsim 4 years ago from Southern Nevada

    I agree with you about nosey neighbors. I love the way you write.

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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    writer 20:

    See what I mean about the neighbors talkin? They went out and blabbed about the 2 BIG ones the Mayor got! Now everbody wants to see them! Dang!

    Ryem.....Awwwww, Sugar, you're really cute too! Are you old enough to be on this site? No moonshine for you!!

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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Kim.....You dern crazy lady! Don't ever snort-laugh and yell "Yee Haw" in front of Pig Sty......that sh** turns him on!!

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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Vee......You are so cute....you can come back all you want. I just thought today, it was time for a LAUGH!!

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    Ryem 4 years ago from Maryland

    Aww this is so funny...really cute!!!!

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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    WTS.....I understand...you were probably distracted by the ripples on the lake......

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    Kim Cantrell 4 years ago from Deep In The Pages of a Book

    So funny I snort-laughed! Yee Haw! :)

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    Joyce Haragsim 4 years ago from Southern Nevada

    Words out you caught two big fish even if it wasn't you.

    You wrote such a really funny letter you had me laughing while reading,

    thanks for that.

    Voted think H/P needs a few more buttons at the top for funny poem/stories and letters like yours.

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    Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA

    Did I forget to comment on this? I read it earlier and enjoyed it so much! You have a talent for hilarity! I love this!

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    Wesman Todd Shaw 4 years ago from Kaufman, Texas

    I kept looking for fish in one photo....I just kept getting distracted.

    Fun read :)

    heheheh I'd love to do a remake of "Deliverance."

    I've always wanted to tell someone, "you sure got a purty mouth."

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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    How's the little Sunshine of HubPages? Thank you for watching the first movie I ever wrote, produced and directed....my whole faily stars in Deliverance.......and you might know the guy who plays that banjo.....he's a Kooky-kinda-guy from Texas by the name of Wesman Todd Shaw......he sure can play that banjo, don't ya say?

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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Well son, billy bucBob.......it's time you knew......."Pig Sty" is yer nachurall Daddy...........Love, Maw

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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Jaye......Howdy girlfriend! I got me in this redneck mode and I can't get out! Glad you got a chuckle or two from my letter to the ole man. Don't forget....Party in our holler tonight....Bring your own moonshine!

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    Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

    That there Mayor did catch himself a mighty big fish!! Way to go Daisy May!!!

    Bill's comment is too funny since I just watched Deliverance and the banjo music was playing in my head while reading this! Haha!

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    Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

    Kind of like Beverly Hillbillies meets Deliverance! Ouch! Don't bend over when Paula is in the building!

    I'm beginning to think we have found your one true niche....comedy poetry! This was friggin' hilarious! Bev's family is from rural Kentucky, and I'd send this to them, but they might recognize a family member in the pics.

    Love it buddy; keep them coming......oh. wait.....I'm adopted....crap, that could be my dad behind the bars.

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    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Billy Bob is his cousin.....I was married to him too, for awhile, until I found out he was my cousin too! But it's OK....even tho we got DEEvorced, he's still my cousin. His kids are little billybob.....willy Joe, John Boy and Rascal Rat. cute little buggers.

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    Jaye Denman 4 years ago from Deep South, USA

    Hilarious! Your sense of humor is really alive and kicking today! Voted UP and FUNNY (because there is no HILARIOUS)....Jaye

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    Terrye Toombs 4 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

    Boy, fp, glad I'm not married to you! I wonder if your guy, 'pig sty' is related to Billybob? :) VUM! LOL

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