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To feel is not a price I’ll pay

Updated on April 4, 2010

I know, I know, poems are boring

Hey everyone! I wrote a poem tonight. I haven't written any poetry in a while, and I've never published any poems on HubPages. I usually post self-help stuff or goofy humor articles. Today, the self I need to help is me, and I don't feel very goofy.


Taking care of me

I wrote this poem for myself, although I hope you like it. It's about my conflicting feelings concerning friendships as well as more intimate relationships. I want to let someone in, but I'm afraid to get too close. I'm afraid to hurt or be hurt.

Some of my hubs give advice on ways for living a healthier, happier life. That said, I don't want to give the impression that I am a beacon of happiness 24 hours a day. I have moods like everyone else.

Are you aware?

Although everyone has good and bad moods, self-awareness is the key difference between a healthy person and a toxic person. A person who is self-aware will notice that they are not feeling emotionally healthy, and use a healthy coping skill to work with their negative emotion.

“Coping skill” is a fancy term, but it just means “healthy way of dealing with stress.” For more on coping skills, please read my article "the Art of Balance."

Today I dealt with my stress by writing the following poem. A creative outlet can be a very helpful coping skill. Writing this helped me sort out my feelings, and also led me to feel that I was turning a negative (my sour mood) into a positve (being productive and creative).

This poem is sad. But not that sad!

The darkest depth

Of night this eve

The heavy burden

I can’t deceive


I wish to live

My life alone

And melt away

Like ice cream cone


To have another’s hands to hold

A burden grand, a choice too bold


The flickering flame consumes my mind

The sickness emerges in fantasy slime

I want to change

I don’t know how

I want to live

I don’t know how



Dependence is too high a price to pay

For one who wastes his days away

Shameful lust and useless hobby

Heart is dazed and feeling wobbly


To feel is not a price I’ll pay

You rain upon my yesterdays

I second guess my grievous choices

And shout to drown out all the voices


If I trust will I then be hurt?

Is there such a thing

As a harmless flirt?


Buoyed by friends and family

The shore is distant like the sun

I bob and float across the sea

But I feel love from everyone


Risk does not seem so bad today

No worse than endless pains

Perhaps boy has turned to man today

And let others’ love fill his veins


So that's my poem. Here's a cartoon!

I know poems aren't for everyone. That's why I'm including this cartoon I made in college. It's about tissues, and it's very short. Let me know what you think. I wrote the words and my brother wrote the music and performed the song. Feel free to give it a "thumbs up" on YouTube.

Funny Video

Also, as a reward to those who sat through my crappy ranting, crappy poem, and crappy cartoon, I'm including this funny video. Your welcome :)


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    • ShonEjai profile image

      ShonEjai 6 years ago from California

      great poem. it is very scary to let someone in and be vulnerable especially knowing that inevitably you will be hurt. but you cannot get to the good stuff, the love, connection, trust, and sharing without taking the risk of getting hurt. thanks for posting.

    • AdamGee profile image

      AdamGee 7 years ago

      Nellianna, thank you for your concern. I am 26. I was definitely in a low place as I wrote the poem, but the process of writing it was very cathartic. The poem was "honest" as I wrote it, yes, but I do not consider myself a "grown person." I hope I never become a "grown person" because I think the term implies finality, i.e. "I'm old enough to stop learning and growing." I still have a lot to learn and work on.

      Thank you again for your comment and concerns; they helped me clarified some of my thoughts.

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 7 years ago from TEXAS

      Adam Gee - May I ask how old you are? The poem is tinged with a sort of desperation which communicates even into the more optimistic ending. It's not so bothersome if it's part of the growing pains of youth, but if it's an honest atitiude and you're a grown person, it seems rather too forlorn. Forgive me if it seems I'm prying. I am simply concerned.

    • AdamGee profile image

      AdamGee 7 years ago

      Thanks so much, Cheeky Girl :) And I'm glad you enjoyed the video. She has a ton of really good/funny videos. Just click on over to Youtube and search "communitychannel"

    • Cheeky Girl profile image

      Cassandra Mantis 7 years ago from UK and Nerujenia

      This was a great hub! I was bowled over by the video at the end too! Great all round! Cheers!

    • AdamGee profile image

      AdamGee 7 years ago

      Thanks Mouilk Mistry! I appreciate your feedback. I've never really showed my poems to anyone, and it feels very nice to hear such kind words from both you and Lovelypaper.

    • Moulik Mistry profile image

      Moulik Mistry 7 years ago from Burdwan, West Bengal, India

      Lovely, a very deeply felt poem - well done...

    • AdamGee profile image

      AdamGee 7 years ago

      Thanks so much, lovelypaper :)

    • lovelypaper profile image

      Renee S 7 years ago from Virginia

      That's a great poem. You should write more poetry and post it often.