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To the Gallows

Updated on April 6, 2015
http://thehumourgallows.files.wordpress.com/2013/10/gallows.jpg
http://thehumourgallows.files.wordpress.com/2013/10/gallows.jpg

“To the gallows! To the gallows! To the gallows!” I say

We will hang them and kill them on this fateful day

To the Gallows! To the gallows! To the gallows they go!

We will watch as their bodies hang lifelessly so!

They will cry; we will laugh as we lead them away

As we hang them and kill them on this fateful day.


“Please, Spare us” you might hear one of them mutter

Only to realize they speak to their mother

So it begins! The nooses placed around their necks

They stand and wait for what will befall them next!

With tears in their eyes, they say their final goodbyes

Finally realizing they earned their own demise


Let this be a lesson for those in the crowd

That we bar politicians from wearing a crown

We stand in their way from maintaining their nonsense

Now, move aside and show me who we will hang next!

What do you think of this poem?

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    • profile image

      Beth37 3 years ago

      Good job. :)

    • Travis Kaoulla profile image
      Author

      Travis 3 years ago from New Jersey

      Thank you! I cannot help but say that I am a little on the fence about the way this poem reads. Would you say that there is a nice flow to it, or does it get choppy at times?

    • Pearldiver profile image

      Rob Welsh 3 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time.

      Hey Travis

      It may be a good idea to ditch the (12) (A's) and alike as they detract from your poem and thus lessen the flow. Build on the message you are attempting to deliver so that the reader can relate to your piece from the very first line, rather than struggle to engage until the second stanza. Perhaps a summary explaining the path you wish the reader to take will help with that engagement, although I am mindful that excellent poetry does not generally need explanation.

      Welcome to HP and I trust you will take my critique objectively, as I know only too well that it is a learning path often revisited when it comes to writing great poetry. Good luck and take care.... PD

    • Travis Kaoulla profile image
      Author

      Travis 3 years ago from New Jersey

      Thank you for your insightful comment, Pearldiver! I definitely should not have kept the syllable count and pattern in the poem. Besides those two elements, is there anything else I should be doing to successfully correct my poem the way you suggested? Was the first stanza not clear enough?

    • Pearldiver profile image

      Rob Welsh 3 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time.

      It may just be easier to illustrate what I mean by how I format my work on HP (differently than elsewhere) - often the writer forgets that anything published here requires an immediate engagement from readers (especially with poetry) - if not, they bail on your pages for something that gives them instant gratification. People are in a hurry, help them to engage with your work and they will hurry to read your new works... Bon Chance

    • janshares profile image

      Janis Leslie Evans 3 years ago from Washington, DC

      I think it's a decent poem. It's hard for me to judge someone else's creative work because it's your words, your point of view. With that said, I would incorporate some of that wonderful image from the perspective of those who will hang. Metaphor works wonders for a poem. Good luck!

    • Travis Kaoulla profile image
      Author

      Travis 3 years ago from New Jersey

      Pearldiver, thank you for your comment! I'll see what I can do to add a little more bang to the first stanza.

      Janshares, thank you for your comment too! That is such a wonderful idea! I should definitely add more imagery to set the scene.

    • jhamann profile image

      Jamie Lee Hamann 3 years ago from Reno NV

      I like it. Poetry is hard on Hubpages, you have to create a large workload to choose from and you need to get out and meet the poets by reading and commenting on others poetry. Sometimes the least likely of your poems will hit and a large number of readers show up other times not so much. Keep writing, communicating with other writers, and be patient. Jamie

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