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To Be Or Maybe To Not Exist: The Copyscape Scourge

Updated on March 20, 2011

Copyscape Is The Latest On The List Of: Must Die!

The client was absolutely irate. I had promised him that all of my content would be completely original and now he was accusing me of being the lowest form of plagiarist dreck. My essay was stolen! He had the proof right there since he had scanned my work through and it showed that there were other websites that had the exact phrasing I had used!

Finding all this a little hard to believe, I copyscaped the content I had written for the client and checked to see what overlap there was with existing online content. The copyscape certainly did turn up a case where what I had written was indeed an exact duplicate of something that could be found on countless websites.

A quote by Shakespeare!

Ah, yes, the wonders of applying the unyielding logic of a computer algorithm to the creative works of humanity when factored in to the sheer idiocy of people who blindly rely on their computers to guide every aspect of their lives without question or reflection.

Therefore, the next time you have a hankering to start off an essay with a famous quotation, a noted dictum or even include a dictionary defintition keep in mind that the hellish hexadecimal hashing is waiting in the weeds to call you out on your despicable plagiarism of other people's treasured intellectual property. If you were truly a creative writer and not a dirty thief, you would use these completely original phrases:

We have nothing to fear but anxiety reactions themselves.

Ask not what your country can do for you; ask how you may engage in altruistic national public service.

Power corrupts. The achievement of authoritarian totalitarianism debauches unconditionally.

That's one small step for man, one large jump for humanity due to the significantly lower lunar gravity.

Now, since a picture is worth several thousand ASCII characters, maybe we should just start drawing our essays on canvas in a new form of English ideograms. If we were careful not to do so in a form which could be termed to be derived as copying the style of the masters of Postimpressionism, Cubism, Pointillism, Expressionism, Surrealism, Dadaism...

This whole mess has gotten completely out of hand. Computers are no longer our servants, we are theirs. Fueled by sheer incompetence and ignorance by the people who misapply and misunderstand the functions which computers facilitate, we have created a global situation where the individual's creativity is now nothing more than a commodity to be parsed through content filters in order to ascertain its validity, regardless of its adherence to the now irrelevant values of profound expression, poetic articulation or soul-stirring prose.

If this is the way I have to write for the rest of my life, I'd rather slam my fingers in my car door right now, so that at least I'd have a legitimate excuse why I no longer write.

As for the comments of copyscape-dazzled bozos who can't see the forest for the individual deciduous and coniferous woody perennials, all I can say is:

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a single blasphemous expletive!


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