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Today Is A Good Day.....Not

Updated on January 9, 2012

Hub 2 of 30 in the Hub Challenge

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Or Was It?

Picture the scene.

It's Monday 9th January 2012 and Mr Coffee Beans / poshcoffeeco / Steve jumps out of bed from his slumber long before the alarm clock, which is set for 5:45am goes off. No different to any other Monday morning. It really winds Steve up that he cannot sleep until his alarm goes off.

The day starts off as any other working day starts off and he goes through his usual get ready for work routine.For anybody who doesn't know, our budding writer's day time job involves working for a National Parcel Company as a collection / delivery driver.

This involves getting into the depot, not far from where he lives, at around 6:22 precisely to be ready to start at 6:30am. Today this was all as normal except he clocked in at 6:24! Hmm he thinks, two minutes later than usual and greets his fellow workers in his usual, cheery way. Well what do you think? It was Monday morning and still dark outside. You see you have to make allowances, bless him because he suffers with S.A.D. or (seasonal affective disorder).First commercial break coming up.

If you want to know more about this you can see another hub written by poshcoffeeco. Feel free to leave this boring story if you'd like to take a look by clicking on the link below. http://poshcoffeeco.hubpages.com/hub/Hes-Not-The-Man-He-Used-To-Be-A-poem-about-SAD-Seasonal-Affective-Disorder

Advertisement now over, back to this riveting story. You see what he is trying to do really is build the tension because at the moment Mr-CB-pcc-Steve is the only one who knows what is about to happen. Are you intrigued?, I think you are. Okay it's time to stop this third person writing it takes too long to get to the meat of the story, so it's me, Steve, writing as himself. again.

After the usual routine in the Depot of sorting the parcels, scanning them onto the van's the drivers are ready to drive to their delivery areas. My area just happens to be a forty minute drive from the Depot so, today I got started delivering at around 8:35.

Now the real work starts.

And it really does. Not too bad, I thought today, only forty-five deliveries around an area between Spalding and Kings Lynn in East Anglia. It looks a short way on a map, but when you have to drive the distance winding round a rural area with small villages and very narrow roads / farm tracks, you know how far it really is.

On my rounds I deliver to shops, private addresses, businesses, schools, you name it and I deliver there. A pet hate of mine is delivering to farms. I don't particularly like farms because often there is nobody there and the parcels cannot be left without a signature.

Today, being no different than any other working day, there were a number of farms to deliver to. Only one difference, I had been given a farm which was outside my area and belonged to another driver who had too many deliveries to do, so the Boss man gave this particular drop to me. Now, I had never delivered here before. Some of you who know what postmen and delivery drivers have to put up with may already be able to guess what I am going to say next. For the benefit of those of you who are not quite so switched on I shall go through my actions step by step. Get ready for a laugh. Laugh you will, but at the time I didn't find it very funny.

Looking back on it now, it was like one of those moments in a cartoon with The Road Runner. You know the one where Road Runner, runs over a road or round a corner with Coyote chasing him, only to run over a cliff, look down in mid air and go oh oh, then he falls to the ground at great speed.

This was my oh oh moment. Shall I tell you what I did?.....shall I?....

Oh go on then I will.

I pulled up in my big parcel van to this particular farm and noticed the gates were closed and had a door bell type button on the post of the gate. I got the parcel out of the van, rang the bell and waited. Whilst waiting, I noticed a sign on the gate post warning me that there were dogs possibly running free in the yard and not to enter and to ring the bell. But I had rang the bell and there was no answer. I really needed to get going. I noticed the gate wasn't locked so I opened the gate, checked to see if there were any marauding dogs....there weren't, so in I went, leaving the large parcel outside the gate. Clever I thought. If a dog comes flying round the corner I could turn on my heels and get the hell out of there. I think of everything you know.

The coast was clear so I made my way, the short walk up to the door of the farmhouse. Ha ha, no dogs on patrol. I gave my usual big bang on the door almost knocking it from it's hinges. What then happened next I was never expecting.

The Mask and Milo

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This is the oh oh moment

After rapping my knuckles on the part glass, part wood panelled door my heart sunk into my boots. Looking through the glass door, I saw two Jack Russell dogs running towards the door baring their teeth. Strange I thought, for a split second I thought the idiot dogs were going to run head long into the door.

......I was wrong. THERE WAS A CAT FLAP!

The next thing I knew I had a rat of a dog sinking his teeth into my left leg...OUCH !

If that wasn't bad enough, the other little rat started running round me, with the other dog still attached and started jumping up trying to take lumps out of my nether regions.

What seemed like about twenty minutes later, but was only ten seconds or so, the lady owner of these sweet cuddly little doggys, bless em, came to my rescue.

Her first words were '' you took your life in your own hands coming in here'' ''They even bit me the other day''.

So I'm standing there waiting for an apology for her pet's reactions. I could have stood there until hell freezes over, she was not going to admit her guilt and say sorry for what had happened. I could feel my leg throbbing.

This was a familiar feeling as I have been bitten on average, over the last year, once a month. I could understand it if I wore a hi viz vest whilst working because I know Postmen wear them and some dogs don't like the Postman. Lucky I wasn't wearing mine at the time !

The little mut had drawn blood!

So I would have the parcel signed for, job done and bid goodbye to the lovely little fluffy brown and white Milo equivalents. I say Milo because that is what it reminded me of.

Do you remember the film with Jim Carey in called The Mask? Where his dog, Milo, gets hold of the Mask and becomes this huge headed beast of a dog. That is what went through my mind when I first saw the dog with it's teeth in me.

I forgot to say that this happened around 9:40am.

Later on.

The rest of the morning went without a hitch. Mind you my leg had been throbbing all morning and the bloody wound was now forming a large scab of congealed blood. Nice.

I must remember to put it in the accident book when I get back to the Depot tonight I remember thinking.

Two drops from lunchtime and guess what? I'm delivering to a farm at Sutton Bridge, one of my favourite places. Hang on....time for a quick commercial break.

If you find this story still a little boring check out the hub of a brilliant article writer called poshcoffeeco. It is about his link with the poet and writer Sir Peter Scott who lived in the lighthouse at Sutton Bridge.... click on the link to view http://poshcoffeeco.hubpages.com/hub/A-dejavu-experience-at-Sutton-Bridge

Did you read it. What did you think? Good wasn't it? You didn't read it? What you like this story? Oh I am glad. Just remember to read it next, okay?

Commercial break over.

So I am on the East Bank beside the River Nene, just as it washes out into the North Sea, into the area called The Wash, believe it or not, and I pull up to my next drop, another farm, gates open and all quiet. I go up to the farmhouse door and give it my usual gentle tap. I hear a little doggy barking.Woof woof woof. Ah the owner is coming to the door but he is on the telephone at the time. He opens the door and CRUNCH!. The bleeding dog has just sneaked out behind his owner, round the back of me and sunk his teeth into my leg.You guessed it, the same leg as earlier.

This was beginning to annoy me. I swung my leg round this time and my size 12 boot made contact with something quite solid. I could tell it was solid because of the lovely, steel toe cap on bone feeling that went through my right foot. The dog soon ran back into the house. His owner said exactly the same thing as the woman had said earlier '' he bit me the other day'' OMFG, why do these people put up with this breed of dog. If I owned one and it went round biting people for no reason or visitors to my house, I would kick seven bells out of it.

You can tell that I am a dog lover can't you? I do like dogs, but I also believe that they should be like children and learn to behave properly. I say learn to behave because, as with children, when they misbehave, I blame the parents!

Hang on a second.... I can feel another commercial break coming up.

Have you read the article entitled I blame the parents..?. A great article by a fantasticly modest, budding article writer called.....poshcoffeeco.If you click this link you can read the article, especially if this article is boring you to death again.

http://poshcoffeeco.hubpages.com/hub/I-blame-the-parents

Now that is a quality hub, I bet that is what you thought isn't it? You didn't click the link? What you like this hub?....Cool then read on.Commercial break over. I don't think there will be another break, but you just never know.


Top 10 Tips for Delivery Drivers then

  1. If you see a beware of the dog sign...DO NOT ENTER
  2. Little dogs are worst THEY BITE!...LOW DOWN
  3. Feel in danger.....RUN!
  4. Never turn your back on LITTLE DOGS!
  5. Dog hanging off your leg. Shake it off and KICK IT...HARD!
  6. Beware of doors with CAT FLAPS.
  7. Remove your hi viz vest...you don't want to be mistaken for a POSTMAN!
  8. Tell the owner what you think. Remember OMFG!
  9. Show the owner the DAMAGE!
  10. Remember your company health and safety at work rules and FILL IN THE F...ING ACCIDENT FORM AT THE END OF YOUR SHIFT. Failure to do so may result in disciplinary action.

Comments

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  • poshcoffeeco profile image
    Author

    Steve Mitchell 5 years ago from Cambridgeshire

    Ardie, no stitches.Still really sore cos I keep catching it when delivering parcels, in and out of the van 70 times a day...Grrr those pesky little s..t machines.Thanks for your concern though. It doesn't stop me writing!!!!

  • Ardie profile image

    Sondra 5 years ago from Neverland

    How's that leg healing Posh?? Did you need any stitches?!

    Sorry, sorry - laughing with you NOT at you

  • Dave Mathews profile image

    Dave Mathews 5 years ago from NORTH YORK,ONTARIO,CANADA

    As a former delivery driver for 16 years, I know the kind of day that must have been. Ouch!

  • BrokenDreamer profile image

    Jen Christopherson 5 years ago from Oklahoma, USA

    I hope you have a better day today (it is 3:45 in the morning). I can only imagine what our delivery guy thinks when I open the door holding back my 80 lb. dog with her front feet off the floor, but she really only wants two things. One to be paid attention to and two to be free on the outside of the fence! lol She loves to run and play!!!

  • PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

    Justin W Price 5 years ago from Juneau, Alaska

    i am a huge dog lover but i find it amazing that people with the little dogs, the most uptight and protective, are the worst parents. Last weekend, my wife and I were walking our two big dogs on their leashes through our apartment complex. A lady had her two unleashed chihuahuas and they, of course, chased and growled and snarled after our dogs, almost biting one of them. Dogs of course are protective and, I had to pull back on our dogs to keep them from going after the little devils. The really unfortunate thing, even though this owner was highly irresponsible having misbehaved, evil little snarly devil dogs off their leash, if my dog would have bit or killed them in defense, we would be liable for a lawsuit. Likewise, whenever there's a problem with dogs at the park, it's never with the pitbulls or the rotties, it's with the little yappers with the really bad dog parent. I feel for you getting bit. It's no fun!

  • poshcoffeeco profile image
    Author

    Steve Mitchell 5 years ago from Cambridgeshire

    Thanks everyone for reading and enjoying. I would mention you all, but I am really finding this hard to do so forgive me. I will try to catch up soon.

    Thanks for all the best wishes, yes my leg is fine but sore. The dog did draw blood and it will leave a scar with all the rest of them. Left leg is looking like a patchwork quilt!!!!

    Thanks again everybody.

  • Movie Master profile image

    Movie Master 5 years ago from United Kingdom

    Not the best of days eh? but it made a great read!

    Seriously, I hope your leg is ok...

    Voting up and thanks for sharing.

  • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

    Gypsy Rose Lee 5 years ago from Riga, Latvia

    LOL. Next time make a doggy coat out of one of them. You have one heck of a job.

  • profile image

    Lesleysherwood 5 years ago

    This story kept me glued even though I kept feeling so tempted to go and read the other links, I couldn't, I had to know the end. You poor thing, ha ha, you need to wear protective clothing and carry a stick. Better still, give the job up and stick to full time writing.

  • Daisy Mariposa profile image

    Daisy Mariposa 5 years ago from Orange County (Southern California)

    Steve,

    I'm so sorry you had such a *not good* day. I really enjoyed the "delivery" of your story (no pun intended). Taking time out for commercial breaks was a humorous addition to your Hub. Great job...as always.

  • Haunty profile image

    Haunty 5 years ago from Hungary

    Hahah Steve I hope you weren't really injured. I keep learning that dogs in the UK are ... weird. Thanks for delivering this blast of a story!

  • Deborah Brooks profile image

    Deborah Brooks Langford 5 years ago from Brownsville,TX

    So unny..these dogs just don't like you...do what my husband does carry a stick...lol..debbie

  • poetvix profile image

    poetvix 5 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country.

    This was too funny though I do feel for you. Twice in one day! Yikes. I love dogs and own the most gorgeous French Mastiff in the world. I'm proud to say she has never bitten a contractor or delivery person and I would beat her down if she did, unless it was while defending me or my family. I could not agree more with the idea people should be responsible for their pets and children! I teach so the children part is a major one for me. Voted up.

  • profile image

    kelleyward 5 years ago

    My friend's husband was attacked by several dogs as a delivery driver. Sorry you had such a crazy day. Good luck with the 30 hubs in 30 days!

  • AudreyHowitt profile image

    Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

    OUch! Hate when that happens!

  • Ardie profile image

    Sondra 5 years ago from Neverland

    Bwahahah! I laughed so loud a couple times and startled my own dog...who btw has NEVER bitten me. I remember delivering pizzas in college and I hated houses with dogs. I hope tomorrow is much better for you!

  • RealHousewife profile image

    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hey there Poshcoffee - I was LOL. My husband used to be a delivery driver! So you know I feel you:) hahaha. Once he called me and he was like, "I am delivering a box to a college and there's something alive in there!" sure was! He called dispatch and it was a box of lab rats! EW! Oh the stories he would tell.....I do feel sorry for you guys!