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Today's Superhero

Updated on November 14, 2012
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Just reading the news today is enough to get even the most positive optimist a little down. Story after story involving senseless violence, mobs in the streets, robberies and beatings can be discouraging.

Unemployment and a weak economy can be a recipe for disaster. It’s times like these that we need a little help. But from whom? Who can protect us from ourselves? It may be time for a modern day superhero.

Our superheroes of yesterday can't help us much in today's world. Superman? He would be sued by the very ones he saved. Stories of illegitimate children would surface as soon as he helped an attractive lady cross the street.

Batman wouldn't fare any better, branded as an elitist, he would be questioned about his immense wealth, Why doesn't he donate more to charity? Why does he pay a lower tax rate than his butler?

Today’s superhero would have many modern day obstacles, he or she should be sensitive and help those who need it most. He or she needs to be politically correct and understand the complex nature of today’s world.

He or she should stay completely out of the polarizing world of politics. These days, stating your political views can be a death blow, our superhero should stay clear. Politicians would clamor for his/her support and feel scorned if they didn't receive it.

Sexuality should be avoided at all cost. If our superhero is gay it will create a backlash with the conservatives, and yet a straight superhero will set of the criticism of the left. They will wonder why in this day and age our superhero is straight, it’s so old fashioned. It’s a lose/lose, don’t ask, don’t tell is the way to go.

What about the wardrobe? I think earth tones would be the correct choice for today's superhero.. Avoid red or blue, we don’t need our superhero setting off gang wars. Wearing blue and he could become Captain Crip, wear red, and he/she may be considered a blood.

Although the racial identity of our superhero shouldn't be important, invariably it would be. Obviously our superhero cannot be a white male, that’s just not going to… fly. If we go with a male, ideally he would have to be of mixed race, this avoids controversy, maybe. An accent of some sort is a nice touch.

Today’s superhero needs to be slightly flawed, our society loves a comeback. The public wouldn't go for a perfect superhero who’s never had a little adversity in his or her life. Perhaps a recovering drug addict who has vowed to remove the filth off of the streets. A victim of spousal abuse whose main goal is to abolish domestic violence, or maybe both.

Our superhero will need a message, or perhaps a catchphrase. Stay in school or Just say no is outdated. Perhaps he or she could just remind kids to recycle or buy organic.

Religion should not be touched. it will set off a firestorm. Regardless of one's beliefs, there's no winning this battle. We want our superhero to be of solid moral character, I think we can all agree on that. Christians won't want a Muslim superhero, and Muslims wouldn't want a Christian crusader. Atheist will have their own vision of a hero, no one will be happy.

Our superhero would have to be careful with volatile international affairs. Choosing sides could lead to chaos, how would our hero know what side to take?

Today's Superhero may be out there, but he or she may decide we are not worth the hassle. There are too many rules, nothing makes sense. Why come down and perform good deeds only to be slapped with a lawsuit or be fined for not adhering to regulations?

The media will want to know his/her intentions. Why would someone help others in need, there has to be a motive? Investigations would begin, digging up an old Twitter feed or facebook post, looking for something to print. If our superhero survived all of this he would still have to avoid other pitfalls such as Kim Kardashian.

There would surely be protests. It would be deemed unfair that our superhero was given these gifts. Or perhaps he saved one victim while another didn't survive. What is the reason for this? We would demand answers on his decision and reasoning. Meanwhile PETA would be upset about the dog left in the tree.

Today's Superhero would be wary of getting involved in such a modern society, we have worked many years to get to this level of enlightenment, we have evolved past ancient customs that involve logic and common sense. For a modern superhero, life on earth would be no easy task, hiring a publicist and a lawyer would be crucial. Our superhero would have two jobs, protecting himself/herself from us, as he/she protects us from ourselves.


What about the women?
What about the women? | Source

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    • C.V.Rajan profile image

      Disillusioned 

      5 years ago from Kerala, India

      A very interesting read. I think I am going to follow you!

    • weestro profile imageAUTHOR

      Pete Fanning 

      5 years ago from Virginia

      But Sunshine you already are a superhero to all of us here at Hubpages! Thanks!

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 

      5 years ago from Orlando, FL

      I volunteer to be a superhero! i just found out about the Green Lantern via Cogerson's comment. Wow, that's interesting. Awesome hub! Let me know where to sign up!

    • weestro profile imageAUTHOR

      Pete Fanning 

      5 years ago from Virginia

      Great point Cogerson, Thanks!

      Amazing Salad Man , that's a great one Thundermama! Thanks!

    • Thundermama profile image

      Catherine Taylor 

      5 years ago from Canada

      This made me laugh and frankly a little sad. The best my children have to hope for as a super hero is the Amazing Salad Man. You're so right, modern day super heroes do have it tough. Love your writing style!

    • Cogerson profile image

      UltimateMovieRankings 

      5 years ago from Virginia

      An excellent look into the world of superheroes in our current society. Green Lantern just became the first gay superhero...I wonder how DC will handle the social side of their hero being gay.....I imagine they will avoid the subject as much as they can.

      Poor Batman....and I think you could include Tony Stark in the conversation as well.....as their wealth and lifestyle would indeed make them an elitists.

      I think the Hulk could survive the best.....as I do not think he worries about anything when he gets all green. Interesting hub that I am voting up and awesome.

    • weestro profile imageAUTHOR

      Pete Fanning 

      5 years ago from Virginia

      Thanks Phelcky! I enjoyed reading that you enjoyed it!

    • Phelcky profile image

      Lilly 

      5 years ago from Denmark

      Awesome Hub! I really enjoyed reading it :)

    • weestro profile imageAUTHOR

      Pete Fanning 

      5 years ago from Virginia

      I like it Mr. Archer, especially the sidekick!

      Thanks Becky, glad you enjoyed it....super writer haha!

    • Rfordin profile image

      Rfordin 

      5 years ago from Florida

      Voted funnin, interesting AND Awesome. Your sooo right you point out so many things that are haywire with society but in a comical "super writer" type way. I enjoyed reading your hub.

      Thank you.

      ~Becky

    • Mr Archer profile image

      Mr Archer 

      5 years ago from Missouri

      I think the proper Superhero for today might be (drum roll please) That great Greek Hero from the past...... Testiclese! Definitely in touch with the people, and he has the..... "stuff " it would take to carry on the proud traditions of being a Superhero without caring what the public might think. What say you, eh? Of course, he does have his own baggage in his trusty, yet somewhat slow sidekick Dumassius.

    • weestro profile imageAUTHOR

      Pete Fanning 

      5 years ago from Virginia

      Thanks for the kind words Jaye, I'm glad you enjoyed reading it!

    • JayeWisdom profile image

      Jaye Denman 

      5 years ago from Deep South, USA

      Sir, I tip my hat (or I would if I was wearing one) to a Master Humorist! You have a delightful sense of humor and the ability to make a reader smile or even laugh out loud.

      I absolutely loved this line: "If our superhero survived all of this he would still have to avoid other pitfalls such as Kim Kardashian."

      Jaye

    • weestro profile imageAUTHOR

      Pete Fanning 

      6 years ago from Virginia

      Thanks craze, glad yo liked it!

      I appreciate it efficient admin, thanks for reading and commenting!

    • Efficient Admin profile image

      Efficient Admin 

      6 years ago from Charlotte, NC

      Great article and amusing too; also very close to the truth of the way things really are in modern society. Voted up.

    • CrazedNovelist profile image

      A.E. Williams 

      6 years ago from Hampton, GA

      Really enjoyed it. Very interesting read.

    • weestro profile imageAUTHOR

      Pete Fanning 

      6 years ago from Virginia

      Thanks TToombs! I agree, John McClain was the best!

    • TToombs08 profile image

      Terrye Toombs 

      6 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

      Loved this! Saw your request on Angela's Hubber Alert hub (http://angelabrummer.hubpages.com/hub/Hubber-Alert... and had to check it out. My vote would be John McClain (Die Hard) as a superhero. He doesn't care about politics or rules, he just gets the job done. :) Voted up, more and shared. :)

    • Angela Brummer profile image

      Angela Brummer 

      6 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      I grinned as I read this although underneath understood the sad reality! GREAT HUB!

      This article has been shared on Stumble, Twitter, Google+, Facebook, Reddit and my hub following.

      Via: http://angelabrummer.hubpages.com/hub/Hubber-Alert

      Pleae contact the others that listed on the article sharing!

    • weestro profile imageAUTHOR

      Pete Fanning 

      6 years ago from Virginia

      Exactly kate...I enjoyed writing this one! Thanks for reading and commenting!

    • kate12402 profile image

      kate12402 

      6 years ago from Storrs, CT

      I love this. While extremely amusing, this piece also reflects the psychotic nature of today's society: the emphasis on contradicting rules that often lack common sense or decency, and the undeniable thirst for what we can't or don't have, whether that be material goods or celebrity gossip. Both enlightening and hilarious. Nice job!

    • weestro profile imageAUTHOR

      Pete Fanning 

      6 years ago from Virginia

      Thanks for readiing Jess, glad you liked it!

    • JessMcCray profile image

      JessMcCray 

      6 years ago from NYC

      That was awesome!

    • weestro profile imageAUTHOR

      Pete Fanning 

      6 years ago from Virginia

      Great question MsDora, volunteers are needed for sure, thanks!

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 

      6 years ago from The Caribbean

      Amusing but also thought-provoking! My question is: Will anyone volunteer for the position, or will that disqualify him/her? Thanks for the mental activity.

    • weestro profile imageAUTHOR

      Pete Fanning 

      6 years ago from Virginia

      Thanks billy, Glad you enjoyed it!

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      6 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Well that brought a smile to my face. Very well-written and quite entertaining and thought-provoking.

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