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Random (Clean) Toilet Humor

Updated on August 29, 2016
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VirginiaLynne is a mother of 5. She writes about parenting, crafts and games for children, family fun and Christian ministry ideas.

Gaming While Doing Your Business?

I've encountered the squat potties in Asia, and primitive outhouses in poor areas of Mexico. I've seen fancy set-ups at the St. Francis Hotel on Union Square in San Francisco with attendants to hand you your towel. However, I've never seen anything quite as interesting as these video arcades in the John. Of course, I'm not a guy, and perhaps I don't think about the need for all of my activities to have a competitive edge.

Sexism in the Loo?

Do Guys really an Incentive to "Do the Right Thing?" and Aim Straight?

My husband has told me that some men's urinals have "targets" to shoot at, which, as a person who once was a cleaner of the bathrooms at my church, does seem to have a certain practical as well as "fun" purpose. However, video shootouts bring the whole idea of entertainment in the bathroom to a whole new level.

You Don't Have To Bring Your Own

Now, we've all heard people in the loo on their cell phones talking, or texting, or surfing. In the old days, people would have magazines, books or even "bathroom humor" for use during that special time. Now, I guess that BYOV (bring your own video device) is just too tame, too old fashioned.

But What About the Girls?

Ok, I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but, you know, I don't think the women are really going to get the same treatment here. While I'm all for women getting equal opportunities at work, in college and in all sorts of life arenas, I think that biology is really going to get in our way in this situation. What I want to know is where is the Title 9 provision here? And even more importantly, what exactly would bathroom gaming for women look like? No. Wait. I really don't want to know.

Cultural Differences

Squat Potty
Squat Potty | Source

Physics gone overboard?

According to Webster's, a Rube Goldberg Machine is "a comically involved, complicated invention used to perform a simple task," which in this case means flushing a John. Apparently, from the number of YouTube videos on this topic, making a Rube Goldberg Toilet flusher is a fairly popular high school and even college physics project. I picked this one from the many I could have chosen because it is put together creatively and doesn't involve someone talking about the project beforehand (boring video!).

Bloopers Included!

I also like the fact that after we see the successful Rube Goldberg flusher, the video includes blooper moments when the machine didn't work. The video dominoes don't fall over in a line, the ball doesn't hit at just the right place and annoyingly, when they get to the very last part, it doesn't flush. Ok, so maybe it isn't as good as a "funny cat video," but we are getting close!


If you get really desperate for something to do over the holiday break, challenge yourself (or your kids!) to invent their own Rube Goldberg toilet flusher. This one uses a marble launch, hockey stick, video domino row, electric train and various balls. I saw another one that used a marble tube contraption. Use your imagination!

Toilet Reviews?

If you want to know about the best computer, you look for computer reviews. So how about if you are shopping for a new flusher? A Loo review? Yes, and Terry Love is your man. He has a website: Terry Love's Consumer Toilet Reports. Yes, that is a real website, you can check out that link. You gotta love that name alone. So, what does Terry Love review exactly? Well, how well they flush. Yep. That's it.

He gives different toilets "hearts" of 1-4 depending on how good they flush. Moreover, he excitedly tells you that he does "in home" testing of things like "plug resistance" and "completeness of flush," not to mention "sound levels." However, best of all is his comments section where people say things like (and I'm not making this up):

"I just want to say that I love my new Guinevere toilet!"

"Definitely is a cool design with how the water washes the bowl and seems to handle whatever is thrown at it"

And, last but not least, my personal favorite Internet quote, which comes from J.H. and is written in reference to the Toto Ultra max:

"These toilets are deadly with solid waste, no "victory lap" around the bowl. You simply say "brown buddy you're going down" and that's that."

Don't Try this at Home!

You need a model that flushes 18 golf balls, or wigglers, or pieces of rubber pipe, or 40 feet of paper at once. Or do you? I hate to admit it, but we actually own this one. Even worse, I have to reveal the embarrassing fact that my husband actually researched it (how do you think I knew about Terry Love?). Turns out there are lots of people interested in which is the best flusher and Terry Love isn't the only one talking about it. Isn't the Internet a wonderful thing?

Winner of the Best All-Around Flushing Contest

You'll Want One Too!

I actually heard the engineer of this American Standard talk on a radio show. They were so concerned about that "brown buddy" not going down in one flush that they created a special porcelain with a glass coating which makes everything slide right off. Maybe it was the advertising, maybe it was Terry Love, or maybe it was just the name "American Standard, the toilet that flushes 18 golf balls," at any rate, we were sold. Actually, we got two. Watch the video. You'll want one too.

Don't Try This Either!


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