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Tonight I'm Pained

Updated on August 4, 2011

Tonight I’m weakened…
I’m shaking
I’m falling
In my own little world…
Here in California…

My fiancé is asleep
He did not see
The hidden tears
I held behind me…

I look up the sky
It sure is dark
A twinkling starlight
Spark the sky night
As the moonlight reflect the pond..

The wind is blowing slowly
Caressing my body…
As tears roll down my eyes
Thinking about my own life…

Growing up I thought about my family
$54,000 I gave to them…
I work so hard from age 14
Grew up I left myself nothing…

They turn to tell me I never helped..
Which crushed and break me apart…
Tears roll down my eyes..
As I thought about what I was told tonight..

My heart is ache
My chest is pain
My feeling is weaken
My body tremble…
And break…

If God hear my prayer
And God see what I go through
Please send an angel
And help me ease the pain soon…


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    • chanroth profile image

      chanroth 6 years ago from California, USA

      Hi sister! Thanks!

    • profile image

      Chanry 6 years ago

      Very sad nas! You and me go through since childhood. I won't forget it but however, keep up the good work there na. I am looking forward in reading more of your poems and story. Thanks for sharing.

    • chanroth profile image

      chanroth 6 years ago from California, USA

      Hi Poetic fool

      Thank you! Keep doing the right thing is what people have been telling me. I know I will and always will whether I'm getting good or bad outcome. Thank you.


    • chanroth profile image

      chanroth 6 years ago from California, USA

      Hi Prashant,

      Yes I lost my job. I was laid off from work. It's horrible. Especially in economy like this. Your words of care has enlighten the feeling in me and thank you. You have are a unique angel of wisdom! Thank you!


    • chanroth profile image

      chanroth 6 years ago from California, USA

      Hi Christopher!

      I see that you been through a lot. You are a very strong person! I can see it as what you have posted on the comment above. I appreciate it.

      You say your 32 and still a's okay...because I'm 22 I'm still a kid as well. Even though I know that I can support myself...but I can't leave my family behind. The hardest thing for me to do is walk away from my parent. Even though they walked away from me as a child...I do feel and understand the feeling of having someone that I love walk away from me, I don't want them to feel like that as I felt like that before. I have been told to grow up...but they never wear my shoes...they don't know how tough it is to grow up especially in a family like mine.

      When you say your 32 and still a kid...I want you to know that...your not just any normal kid...but your a strong kid. A very strong, passionate, and inspiring person that help others like me understand the value of life and understand that I am not alone in this world going through similar pain. Thank you!


    • profile image

      Poetic Fool 6 years ago

      Chanroth, as someone else said you know the truth and you can take comfort from that. Someday they may recognize and appreciate your help but maybe not. People, even family, can be very unappreciative. You know the right things you did and their words can't change that.

      I know it is little consolation and does not soothe your broken heart but the true measure of a person is whether they choose to do the right thing whether or not anyone sees or acknowledges it. Keep doing the right thing!

    • prashant angiras profile image

      Prashant angiras 6 years ago from shimla(india)

      hello Chanrorth,do not worry if they said that you never helped them,truth is truth ,and the truth is that you helped them and you know that and god will definitely send you a angel in some form...,i read in the comment above that you lost your job but don't worry you will get it back just keep on trying,i will pray for your well being...

    • Christopher Dapo profile image

      Christopher Dapo and S. 6 years ago from Havelock, NC

      I really do feel your pain, chanroth...

      I've been the "doer" in my family since I was eight years old. I've been through so much since, including job after job of just handing over paycheck after paycheck, knowing fully well that I could be cast out of the home without notice at any point and without reason - by the family I support so willingly, even though they should assuredly take credit for forcing me in this position, making sure I'd have nowhere to go and no way to get on my feet for myself.

      I'm expected to clean up the messes, theirs, mine, everyone's. If I won't, or worse, if I can't, I'll be cast out, this being a 9th time if it happens.

      The street is my salvation from this as much as it's my enemy. Though the economy is reason enough for the lack of a job to acquire, without a residence I'd have it tougher. Then again, expecting nothing for doing so much isn't too good for my ambitions, either.

      My friend even wonders how I still have such a huge heart after being through so much. I tell my friend that it's what I've been through that keeps it going strong, even if one day it may be my downfall again, possibly permanently. I admit, I'm still a kid - at 32.

      So, look at that sky, let it fill you. Look inside. Don't ever let the pain kill you. Seek and ye shall find. It can't rain all the time. ;)

      Have a blessed day, chanroth.

      - Christopher

    • chanroth profile image

      chanroth 6 years ago from California, USA

      Hi Binaya, thanks!

      @Tina, thanks! I can hardly open my eyes now. have always been a good friend. *SMILE* Today is a new day so...that means new adventure! :)

      @Caarol3san- Thank you. I wish you good luck on hub as well! :)

    • carol3san profile image

      Carolyn Sands 6 years ago from Hollywood Florida

      You can express youself very well. Good luck with your poetry.

    • profile image

      Binaya.Ghimire 6 years ago

      Very painful, yet very beautiful.