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Top 10 Reasons You Need an iPod

Updated on December 9, 2012

Top 10 Reasons You Need an iPod

  1. Your Uggs aren't pretentious enough.

  2. All the $29 mpeg players are sold out.

  3. Steve Jobs might have stopped by your house.

  4. Your car, phone, watch, alarm clock, GPS, coffee maker, and pacemaker don't already have music players in them.

  5. iTunes has exclusive rights to the Wiggles.

  6. Without it, you might have to talk to someone in public.

  7. Lady GaGa has released 42 remixed versions of Poker Face.

  8. George Bush's autobiography has been published in audio form.

  9. A 3.5" screen is much more engaging than the 60" 3D plasma TV in your living room.

  10. You want to be like MacGyver, who can convert a 5G into a microwave oven and a jacuzzi and have no parts left over.


The iPod family of products represents life-changing technology rivaling pacemakers or even those cool running shoes that keep track of how far you jog. Almost everyone in the world has an iPod or two or five. They sprout like mutated digital mushrooms at gyms, in offices, and on city buses.

No one talks to each other any more. Your iPod may be broken, but you'll stick the ear buds deep into your cranium to prevent inadvertent conversation with other humans. Someone might say 'hi' to you, which would require you to think.

An average iPod stores more information than the first Apollo Moon mission. Gigabytes of data molded into songs and videos nestle safely into the electronics. We have no clue how it all works, but we trust the things to burst into song at a moments notice. We could be in the shower or on the way to the moon. Our songs must be immediately available even if we are bathed in sweat on the stair-master machine.

People stand in line to purchase the latest model of iPods. Fashionable malls in fashionable parts of town contain "Apple Stores", where anxious consumers clutching fistfuls of their parent's cash queue up for hours. Some enterprising apple aficionados plan to camp out in the parking lot. They want to be the earliest adopters of wonderful new iPod technolgy.

Some iPods have tiny screens upon which tiny videos can be observed. The devices also have accelerometers ingeniously connected to such features as 'shuffle' and 'shuffle again.' iPod users simply shake their devices to randomize the order in which their gigabytes of songs will be played.

iPods connect to a service called iTunes. The service and the device each begin with a lower case 'i'. We don't know why. is a hugely popular web site from which songs, podcasts, and videos can be purchased and downloaded. Every band wants to be on iTunes, except those bands that don't want anyone to know about them. A band preferring anonymity typically eschews iTunes access. The iTunes client software is free and runs on both Windows and Apple computers. An Apple iPod plugged into a Windows computer may tend to cause disruptions in the force, but, whoop, there it is.


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    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 7 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @Alexander Mark: Oh baby, I forgot about the leisure suit white cables. Those are so fetch!

    • Alexander Mark profile image

      Alexander Silvius 7 years ago from Portland, Oregon

      You also forgot, they look cool and they make you hip with those white earphone wires, they take 20 years off as soon as you put them on!

    • whcobb profile image

      William Cobb 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN

      Funny... Made me laugh pretty hysterically.

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 7 years ago

      Thank you...I really needed a laugh today..


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