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Top 10 Ways Men Won't Get a Date with Women (

Updated on December 15, 2010
A bad start to a night from
A bad start to a night from

AskMen.Com Are Geniuses, Ladies

Absolutely. spiced up Labor Day weekend with the perfect aid to screw up dates for men all across the world reading their site. Their intention may have been to make a big joke or parody of some sort, which actually works out good with the theme of the entire 10 Ways To Tease Her and Make Her Crazy for You. Essentially, the whole idea is to make bad jokes or act like a juvenile to humiliate their date. In doing so, she will be NUTS for douchebags. Guaranteed to work. says that these tips will set you apart from other men. Indeed, it will. Boys reading this will certainly be a challenge for women if they follow these tips to a tee -- a challenge in how to escape as quickly as possible. After all, what boy would not want women running in the other direction and into the arms of an actual man who knows what he's doing? Consider it as helping you to weed out the idiots from the real deal. How sweet!

So, for the benefit of ladies everywhere, I am offering an interpretation of this article so that men can better understand and refine their douchebaggery to the highest level. They will be so much easier to spot.

Ladies and douchebags, enjoy!

This is the first indicator that you've done your job.  She is ready to move on to a better date! Congratulations!!
This is the first indicator that you've done your job. She is ready to move on to a better date! Congratulations!!

No.10 - Bust her on her jokes

One way to get a woman to stand up faster and leave quicker is to tell her that her jokes suck. It's a legitimate way of proving yourselves unworthy of a hottie sitting across from you. advises men to do it with a straight face for as long as possible. Don't worry, guys, it won't take super long for a woman to realize that they are being insulted.

Keep a watch with you and make it a test to see how fast she'll leave you. It will probably be your best record in wrecking a date and being a total loser. Congratulations on helping women weed out the best from the worst. You have surely contributed to the dating world at large.

No.9 - When she asks stupid questions, give stupid answers

Men who don't know how to respond intellectually and are not capable of being witty should definitely resort to this.  If your date is similar to you in mindset, your date is saved! However, if your date is way beyond your league, you're instantly a douchebag.  Either way, your night is not a total loss.

Let's say she asks, "Are you a gamer?" thinks questions like these are stupid.  Therefore, you automatically assume that she is asking a stupid question and your next move is to provide stupid answers.  Your magical answer would be something along the lines of, "Of course, why do you think I'm sitting across from you right now?  If I can get rid of you faster, I can return to my gaming."  You have just given her cue that she must go crazy over you because you're being a total ass.  But wait, you're not doing it good enough.

To make her absolutely crazy, go to the next tip.

"What's next? I'm not going crazy over you yet.  I'm not feeling insulted enough..."
"What's next? I'm not going crazy over you yet. I'm not feeling insulted enough..."
Perhaps even go this far, which is just as well because it's the same message you're sending with a slap on the hand over something idiotic.
Perhaps even go this far, which is just as well because it's the same message you're sending with a slap on the hand over something idiotic.

No.8 - Slap her hand

YES! This is guaranteed to work.

If this is your first contact with your date, this is a dead give-away that you are into showing women who's boss. You must act like she is five years old and that you are the parent. This will show that you are into roleplaying and that you can indulge in her wild side. Slapping her hand gently for something that you can interpret as "bad" will mark you as a winner of the asshole award. She couldn't ask for more!!

Perhaps you need to go even further and maybe tap her butt if she says something that you can interpret as needing to be punished. The further you take this, the more likely she will go crazy. Crazy enough to head straight out the door.

However, practice caution, because most women may not be into that sort of roleplaying.

My breath stinks? Really? Too bad those darn tic-tacs won't work for me.
My breath stinks? Really? Too bad those darn tic-tacs won't work for me.

No.7 - Say whatever is mean, playfully

Go all out with this one. Here are some great mean things to say to your date:

  • God, that dress makes your butt look big.
  • Are you sure you put on some deodorant?
  • Whoa, what did you do, eat some onions before our date?
  • You realize you sound like a horse when you laugh, right?
  • Your breasts are like Reese's cups!

Now, to make this even better, here in the deep south we always end or preface our rude comments with "Bless your heart" or "I know you can't help it". Taking some of the examples from above, let's take the insults to the max:

  • Bless your heart, but you smell like you ate onions before our date.
  • I know you can't help it, but you sound like a horse when you laugh!

This is sure to give your gal a warm fuzzy feeling and set her over the moon for you. If not for you, at least for the next gentleman that comes along to make her night better after her date with you.  They will surely thank you.

No.6 - "Let me guess: you weigh… 345"

It's not enough that you have told her that her jokes sucked, given her stupid answers, slapped her hand, and said mean things about her to her face, you must insult her weight. Yes, her weight. You must tell her that she is obese after doing something completely idiotic like feeling up her fingers.

What's even funnier is that added a disclaimer -- Caution: Use this only with women who are very fit; you don’t want to hurt any feelings.

However, there is also an alternative to this. If you really want to blow your date's mind and she is not "fit", you can go the complete extreme opposite of this. It's like doing what by saying, "I can guess your weight", and then feel up her fingers or ear or something equally as idiotic. Once the moment has been dramatized with a pause, say something like, "You are 70 pounds!"

Essentially, you have now insulted an un-fit or potentially 'overweight' person by saying that she is anorexic or skeletal. Congratulations!

No.5 - Disqualify her by age

You must not give her a way to be worthy of you, at all.  You must keep the attitude that she is just not good enough for you.  She is beneath you.  You never want to let a confident hottie feel superior to you. says the best way to maintain this attitude is to disqualify her somehow.

Hmmm.  Oh yes! Let's disqualify her by age.  Let's take a Southern example from above and blow this up a little bit so you can be absolutely successful, because you obviously haven't scared this woman off yet if you've gotten this far.

  • Bless your heart, but you're way too old for me.
  • I know you can't help it, but I don't date anyone over 40.
  • I won't date anyone under 30.  I know you can't help it.
  • Oh bless your heart, you're 17?! Not young enough.

"Oh, thank you so much!! I'm way too old/young for you.  Now, I can move on with my life."
"Oh, thank you so much!! I'm way too old/young for you. Now, I can move on with my life."

No.4 - Be sarcastic

What could you be doing wrong if you've made it this far? That's right, you're not being sarcastic enough. No, no, no, you're not absolutely being sarcastic enough.

You have to tone up your creepy, sly expressions with every nasty remark you make. You must turn up the sarcasm in your voice. Be obvious. Channel that inner douchebag and you'll come out a winner.

What would make it even better is that you must assume anything that a woman says is obvious so that you can reply sarcastically towards it. Don't just pick and choose what may be obvious because that is subjective to every individual, just assume! Don't allow the woman to think she is helping to carry along a conversation, simply cut her down and do it with a sly face.

Just remember, you are helping the cause of women and men everywhere.  If you look as idiotic as that man to the right, surely you can't fail.

No.3 - "I don't think this is going to work out"

You're getting there.  Now, it's time to ante up your "teasing" and tell her up front that this isn't going to work out.

However, she may have already gotten that by now.  If she hasn't, then all your work has been for naught.  What a shame, although for the other smart guys in the world this is one less nutcase to weed out.

No.2 - “You just lost a point”

Of course, you must display your immaturity.  The one thing women go crazy over is immaturity.  This is guaranteed to get you very, very lucky.  

In order to lose your dignity (or lose it even more, in this case), you must absolutely play this game with women.  This game is about you acting like you actually tally points of her worthiness.  Yes, her value all lays in your points.

Here are some more things to help you along with this game:

  • Oh, your hair isn't pretty enough, you just lost a point.
  • Awesome, you like Family Guy? You just got one and a half points.  A half because you screwed up a line.
  • You're not wearing revealing clothes.  You lost 500 points.
  • You don't smoke? Okay, fine, I'll give you 5 points.

This guy is totally thinking, "Thank you, douchebag, for scaring off this beautiful woman and giving me a chance". :)  Congratulations! You have succeeded.
This guy is totally thinking, "Thank you, douchebag, for scaring off this beautiful woman and giving me a chance". :) Congratulations! You have succeeded.

No.1 - Delivery is key

If you've read all of that on, you will see that after every tip they add variations of the following:

  • Do it tongue-in-cheek
  • Do it gently
  • Do it kindly
  • Do it playfully

Essentially, you must somehow make all your douchebaggery and cruel remarks package up in a "I'm joking" manner so that you can confuse women and make them fall head over heels into your bed.

AskMen. com says: "If they're not laughing at all, you have some improvements to make or you need to choose women who are more fun and more secure in themselves to spend your time with."

Really? You decide.

For Women

Would You Totally Date A Guy Like This?

See results

For Men

Would You Do Any of These?

See results


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    • profile image

      cj325 6 years ago

      Askmen has the best articles out there. Their articles are the most realistic way of getting the woman you want. It's all in the delivery and having fun, etc. They also have the utmost respect for women. They're just telling it like it is. Have you ever tried any of their techniques? Probably not, right? The people knocking ask men are the ones who never get laid, play Mr. nice guy, and get shit on by women and wonder why they're so miserable.You just flat out don't understand the game and obviously never will!

    • profile image

      TheNewCinders 6 years ago

      This is hilarious...and unfortunately sometimes true! Hahaha :)

    • TPSicotte profile image

      TPSicotte 7 years ago from The Great White North

      Really? Being rude is somehow attractive? I think this is for women who really fear commitment. Hey I will date this douchebag cuz I know it can't go anywhere. What an optimistic approach.

    • yenajeon profile image

      yenajeon 7 years ago from California

      This was hilarious! Thanks for the laughs.

    • C.Y. Falvey profile image

      C.Y. Falvey 7 years ago from Nova Scotia

      I'm so glad somebody else understands why I hate dating advice columns. The one written for men tell them to make her feel inferior, and the ones written for women tell her to make him feel superior. And the cycle continues.

      Plus, way to bust their chops hilariously.

    • Sunny Robinson profile image

      Sunny Robinson 7 years ago from Tennessee

      Good ole chivalry is a winner in my book. I am so grateful my self-esteem isn't so shot that I would fall for those tactics above. For the most part, I am with a gentleman who likes to be goofy but never play the harsh games. So, he rocks my world better than any AskMen article could ever do.

      So, carry on, jdomingo, with good ole chivalry! Glad you enjoyed the hub. :)

    • jdomingo profile image

      jdomingo 7 years ago from Texas

      Hey great hub I've read similar posts like these here but on various sites. It was a good read but I won't dare try any of these so called 'tactics' to try to get a woman to fall head over heels for me I'll just keep at it with some good ol'e chivalry. Fun read though!

    • nicole.reilly profile image

      nicole.reilly 7 years ago from Austin, TX

      This is so funny! My guy friend needs to read this. Thanks for sharing!

    • profile image

      Lord Gaga 7 years ago

      I always used to say, five minutes after meeting a woman on a first date, "Look, we both know what we're here for, so let's skip the cocktails, dinner and theatre and go straight back to my place for some action." For some reason, for 50 years this didn't work, so finally I got a mail-order bride from Bangkok and gave her a platinum credit card. That worked.

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 7 years ago

      ...just call me Barney!!!!!

    • timorous profile image

      Tim Nichol 7 years ago from Me to You

      @epigramman: Apparently some dinosaurs are still walking the earth. They're merely disguised as men looking for a date. :)

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 7 years ago

      ...a fun fun fun hub - you should be writing for Cosmopolitan magazine with your wit, insight and savvy!

      And the last time I had a date - dinosaurs were still walking the earth!

    • eslevy17 profile image

      eslevy17 7 years ago

      I agree with all of that comment, Sunny. The site obviously isn't going for responsible romance, they're just strategizing hookups. I have no problem with casual consensual encounters, but with the popularity of the seduction community, girls should know a thing or two about these strategies. They work quite well. Of course, stupid things work on guys too, so it's healthy for everyone to know social psychology to know what's happening in your brain.

      On the other hand, women's magazines have been helping women get guys for decades, so some people view this as leveling the playing field, and I see nothing wrong with shy guys learning a thing or two, but obviously websites like "how to pick up girls and have them worship you even when you're hooking up with their sister or mom" are not really in that category, so it helps that you pointed these tactics out for the ladies.

    • SognoPiccolo profile image

      SognoPiccolo 7 years ago from Wilmington, Ohio

      I'm on it... woot

    • Sunny Robinson profile image

      Sunny Robinson 7 years ago from Tennessee

      eslevy17, I feel that AskMen should have done better and endorsed a much kinder way of treating women. Women are often attracted to men like that because their own self-esteem are shot. This is endorsing a manner of attracting women with much lower self-esteem.

      Now, I know my self-esteem isn't the best, but I know when I've found a pretty wonderful guy and I'm going to stick to it by being a better person with him just because he is the kindest gentleman I've ever known.

      (@SognoPiccolo - here's a topic for you! I know you were talking about doing something like this. Do a reverse on this, a satiric take, on women treating men similarly, or tips for women to avoid these guys.)

      eslevy, thanks for your take on this and your advice. You started up a good discussion here.

    • eslevy17 profile image

      eslevy17 7 years ago

      Um, not to burst anyone's bubble, but it's been scientifically studied that women are often attracted to men that aren't good relationship material, and that mildly condescending comments that slightly erode a woman's self-esteem, delivered smoothly by a man she finds attractive, will make her try harder to win his favor.

      I've seen far too many women in awful relationships, including physically abusive ones, to believe in so-called women's intuition. It certainly does not include douchebag radar. Women stay for quite some time in abusive relationships, and it's usually another guy that asks, what are you doing with that guy? I hate to say it, but every one of those strategies listed above I've seen used successfully.

      Now of course I didn't mean this to be instructional for men. Maybe you wrote something like this already, but how about some tips for women on how to avoid these kinds of guys? One suggestion is to watch how they treat waiters, or anyone else in a subservient position. If they treat "lower" people as lower, they'll probably shove you into that category as well.

    • Sunny Robinson profile image

      Sunny Robinson 7 years ago from Tennessee

      Made me laugh too!

    • SognoPiccolo profile image

      SognoPiccolo 7 years ago from Wilmington, Ohio

      @OCallegari you made me laugh ;)

    • OCallegari profile image

      OCallegari 7 years ago from Glen Ridge

      Now I know what I've been doing wrong!

    • Sweetsusieg profile image

      Sweetsusieg 7 years ago from Michigan

      Wow, it would be amazing if guys actually did this. Oh wait!! I did have a couple of nutcases that I went out with!! Yep, I have 2 Hubs that tells all about it! LOL But this was WAY before guess they were just natural born idiots..

      Great Hub!

    • Sunny Robinson profile image

      Sunny Robinson 7 years ago from Tennessee

      SognoPiccolo, you can ask me instead! I'm totally full of advice about all this crazy shiz.

      Timorous, hey, I was just checking out your hubs! Nice of you to check mine. Glad you enjoyed it. :)

    • timorous profile image

      Tim Nichol 7 years ago from Me to You

      Haha! I had to check my calendar, you know...make sure it wasn't April 1st instead. Nice hub Sunny. :)

    • SognoPiccolo profile image

      SognoPiccolo 7 years ago from Wilmington, Ohio

      This came out better then I could have ever imagined... that top 10 they posted made me mad! ugh... some people... you can trust if I have any questions I will definitely NOT be asking any men over at


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