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Top 10 reasons for men not to stay in bed

Updated on September 14, 2015

No doubt you can identify with the following situation: you’re sleeping deeply when all of a sudden your ears register a nasty sound which you recognize as the sound of your alarm clock. The temptation to turn yourself around one more time is there of course, but sometimes you would do well not to and get up quickly as if the devil were chasing you instead. See below for the 10 main reasons why…

10. The dog will answer nature’s call anywhere

Regardless of whether or not you let him out, your canine’s patience will end at some point and answer nature’s call anywhere in your home, even in your lazy chair if need be. Needless to say, you’re literally and figuratively not waiting for that sh*t and definitely not when there are sports on television. Therefore, you would do well to simply admit that all the barking will prevent you from sleeping anyways and that you might as well get up before it’s too late.

9. Answering nature’s call yourself is not an option without getting up

It’s not just the dogs that sooner or later will have to answer nature’s call; the same goes for yourself. Granted, as a man you do have a tendency not to overcomplicate matters whenever you feel the need to empty your bladder and in case of a serious emergency, you will no doubt be resourceful enough to find a ‘public restroom’. But to consider your own bed as such? Come on, dude, that goes way too far!

8. It’s weekend!

Did you survive the working floor for another week? Well then, what are you waiting for? Get out from underneath all those covers and celebrate your free time! Today, there will be no need for you to explain to your boss that a hundred red lights and ten trains passing a railroad crossing caused you to be late yet another time.

7. There are sports to be watched on tv

As a man, you’re in no position to stay in bed for long during the weekends anyways. After all, there will be plenty of sports for you to watch on television and you don’t want to miss them for any price. Usually, sports broadcasts do not start before the afternoon, so you should have plenty of time during the morning to travel the awfully long bed – couch distance.

6. Your beers are not within reach

Unless you’ve made it an Olympic sport to be resourceful, your beers are not within reach when you’re laying in bed. In order to get them, you really will have to abandon the warmth and comfort of your covers and head for the fridge. I know, it sounds exhausting, but aren’t those bottles filled with the famous golden liquid not worth your effort?


5. The neighbors are having a fight in a foreign language

Seriously, this can be a really, REALLY bad sign! Granted, it is not uncommon anymore these days to be in a neighborhood where it can happen, but what if you happen to know that your neighbors speak English only? Should this ever happen to you, don’t hesitate and try to find a window as soon as possible to check if you’re still in your home country. In the event you see unfamiliar looking tribesmen marching through what appears to be looking a jungle village, you may want to get dressed and ask them where you can find the nearest airport.

4. You don’t recognize the bedroom you’re in

Curtains with a floral pattern, a make-up table and pink walls… Deeply frowning, you realize that the bedroom you’re in is nothing like your own, comfy pig stall where stinky clothes, empty beer cans, old pizza boxes and other garbage form the only decorations. In an unsettling situation such as this one, you better get up and find out who the bedroom you’re in actually belongs to.

3. You can’t remember the name of the woman next to you

We have reached the final three reasons, so things are starting to get really problematic now. Imagine waking up and feeling an arm around you. With a fat grin on your face, you remember the glorious night you had with… With… Yes, who with? Was it Kate? Or Laura? Chelsea perhaps? The excessive amount of alcohol you consumed the night before has destructively left a huge crater in your memory leaving you unable to remember the name of the woman next to you…

2. You get startled when you look next to you

While your alcohol-ridden brain desperately tries to remember her name, a small light bulb pops on above your head: just look next to you and maybe then you will remember! Excited that you succeeded in coming up with the first sensible thought of the day after a night which you know was far too wild than was good for you, you carry out your plan, only for your excitement to dissipate immediately. You want to scream, but you can’t. The corpse next to you that’s supposed to be a woman offers you a rather morbid sight. Bones are sticking out everywhere, her nose appears to be corrupted by something that could obviously not have been powdered sugar and around the veins in her arms you notice some suspiciously looking bruises. In this case, there is only one thing left for you to do: hurry to the doctor’s to have yourself checked for any STD known to mankind.

1. Footsteps and a male voice calling a woman’s name that sounds vaguely familiar to you

You know things are about to take a turn for the worse if you hear footsteps on the stairs outside the bedroom and a male voice calling a woman’s name that sounds vaguely familiar to you. If said voice happens to mention something about ‘wedding day’ on top of that, you should realize that at this point, your life is at stake and that you ought to start looking for the nearest emergency exit. The best reason by a landslide to get out of bed, wouldn’t you agree?


Women have their own reasons!

I wrote an article regarding the top 10 reasons for women not to stay in bed as well. Click here for this article.

© 2015 Victor Brenntice


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