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Top 20 Funniest Face Book Status Updates

Updated on March 21, 2010

Some of the best status updates you'll read!

If you're like me sometimes it takes awhile to think of a good update to leave your friends laughing on face book. I've taken a collection of some of the funniest updates ever, Enjoy!

  • (your name) saw a commercial for the Snuggie. I thought it was stupid idea, but I couldn’t change the channel because I was under a blanket and I didn’t want my arms to get cold…
  •  thinks that if your relationship status says, "It's complicated" that you should stop kidding yourself and change it to "Single"
  • has  an oven with a 'stop time' button. It's probably meant to be 'stop timer' but I don't touch it, just in case.
  • Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
  • Top Tip Of The Week: When going through airport customs and you are asked "do you have any firearms with you?" do not reply "what do you need?"
  •  Don't you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didn't want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop.
  •  Sometimes I just want to run up to a stranger on the street and say "YOU'RE IT!!" and then run away
  • Finds it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
  •  is wondering if you can grow marijuana on Farmville then sell it on Mafia Wars?
  • dreams of a better world...where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned
  • ”The greatest thing about Face book, is that you can quote something and totally make up the source.” – George Washington
  • was playing "FARMVILLE" when immigration showed up and took all my workers !
  • Is  wondering  "If you choke a Smurf, what color does he turn?"
  • grammar is important. For instance, commas save lives: Let's eat grandpa. Lets eat, grandpa
  • hated when old aunts came up to me after weddings and said "u r next" They stopped that when I did the same to them after funerals
  • first we had mad cow disease, then we had bird flu, now we have swine flu, O.M.F.G it's FARMAGGEDON
  • Automatic doors make me feel like a Jedi
  • has discovered the secret to life, but I won't tell you, because it's a secret
  • my friends status said " suicidal and standing on a cliff " So I Poked Him.
  • 's advise: Follow your dreams, except for that one where you're naked at work

Comments- Add any funny updates you've heard

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    • profile image

      Reewag upreti 3 years ago

      I like it

    • profile image

      dehal 5 years ago

      ????? ???? ???? ?? ???? A ??? ?? ??? BULLET ??? ?? ????..... ;)

    • Benoitsmidget profile image

      Benoitsmidget 5 years ago from Boston

      I love looking through the status shuffle on FB to see more funny status'. Great job! Good laugh.

    • Alexander Pease profile image

      Alexander Pease 6 years ago from Maine

      Automatic doors do make me feel like a Jedi. Amazing and funny hub. Thumbs up, oh wait, voted up!

    • profile image

      vanessa 7 years ago

      OMG these status are hilarious i loved this one the most ha haha

      •my friends status said " suicidal and standing on a cliff " So I Poked Him and th eone about days of the weeks WTF ,

      TVM(Thanks very much) cheers!

    • profile image

      Elixir 7 years ago

      Hilarious! Here are a bunch of other funny status updates

      http://funny-tweets.blogspot.com

    • ltfawkes profile image

      ltfawkes 7 years ago from NE Ohio

      Very funny, Songwriter. Nice.

      L.T.

    • Ladybird33 profile image

      Ladybird33 7 years ago from Fabulous USA

      GREAT idea and love this hub! Keep it up, you have a talent!

    • profile image

      Grace . 7 years ago

      :L that's some good shit .

    • saturdaymusings profile image

      saturdaymusings 7 years ago

      yeah. that was good :D

      especially the poop one. that's my kind of humor.

    • profile image

      TRISH 7 years ago

      Hilarious, thanks for sharing this

    • profile image

      pams060 7 years ago

      That is the funniest stuff I have read in a long time..thanks for a great laugh

    • Michael Shane profile image

      Michael Shane 7 years ago from Gadsden, Alabama

      Funny stuff!!!

    • moondive profile image

      moondive 7 years ago from Modena,Italy

      I like this post. Thanks for sharing