Top Ten Most Abused Things

True, they are sometimes seen around traffic hazards, but most are used for pick-up sports games and stopping you from parking where you want because the spotty youth running the valet parking has put a cone there.

The most expensive clothes rack you ever bought, right? It sits there taunting you with promises of good health and a long life, but you know you’ll never use it. It is doomed by it’s own lack of any real purpose, a bike that goes nowhere? Just like plastic fruit or bottles of wine too expensive to open – really what’s the point? It deserves to be abused...

Own up. You never drive a rental like your own car, do you? You make it do all sorts of stunt type stuff simply because you can. You’re not going to fix it. You don’t care if it gets an oil leak or the tires wear unevenly, you only care that there are no obvious dings when you return it, complete with an innocent look on your face. It never mounted the curb, it never had the revs in the red zone, and you did not do a handbrake turn or do doughnuts in the parking lot. That was some other guy, am I right?

Why is the word “office” even used? It should just say supplies, or “take me”. Not you? Well answer me this then, how exactly did you get through that entire bag of rubber bands? And, do you really need a new stapler every year, its not like they have a model year or anything, and all those pens you took, used them till the ink ran out?

Didn’t think so...

The numbers don’t lie. Daytime Internet use is 50% porn, 27% shopping and 15% solitaire and other computer games. Yes, that leaves a measly 8% for work related stuff. Same goes for emails, 25% work related (maybe), 75% jokes, spam and supportive Christian messages.

At Christmastime the numbers show that work computers are used for personal use (including shopping and sending holiday messages) over 100% of the time, which is impossible, but...

So you buy a thing at that place that one time and the attractive girl says “would you like to sign up for our frequent rewards program?” and you say “why not?

Or, you are on the computer and you’re looking for a thing and you get redirected to another thing that leads you to one more thing, but, to open it you need to add your email address. So you do, and it’s the wrong thing and you say “Forget this!” (or similar) and log out.

And then the emails come...

Worst offender Career builder.com. Apply for any position and you get an email (or six) from an Insurance company offering you a job. (Once you get past the sign up for classes - now! message)

Obviously shopping carts are stupid. They believe they can swim. Thousands flock to waterways every week to rust into oblivion. They also serve as homeless people “trucks” carrying all their stuff. Ok... Wait...maybe they are not stupid, the water thing is to simply get away from the street people and wash off some of the smell...

And who made them magnetic? Leave one in a parking lot and it WILL find a car...

Check your garage. You have at least one milk crate in there, don’t you? It holds stuff off the ground, is filled with other stuff and has an area in raised plastic lettering that says something like “This belongs to Moo Dairies, do not remove or take for personal use on pain of death.”

You don’t care...

It is critical that every person have a friend with a truck. When you move, or just move stuff, you need your friend to give up his weekend to help you do the chores for your weekend. You will pay him with a beer. Maybe a pizza. Cost to you, ten bucks. Cost to friend in gas alone – way the heck more than ten bucks. Camping trip? Need a friend with a truck. Grandma needs a piano moved? Need a friend with a truck.

So...if you are looking for friends, real friends, such as people who actually like you, don’t buy a truck. Find a friend with a truck...

(Friends with a boat, friends with a mountain cabin and friends with tools are also routinely abused, but the truck is a clear winner.

OK, I know guilt is an emotion not a "thing" per se, but hear me out...

Oh, nothing can make you do stuff you don’t want to do like guilt. Moms use it as a potent weapon to ensure that boys maintain minimum hygiene standards and vegetables occasionally get eaten. I have an eating problem due to my guilt over the “children in Africa who would be glad to have my dinner”, and really, charity? Call it what it is, guilt money.

Religions abuse it, as do spouses, coaches and pretty much anyone in authority and is it for your benefit?

Heck no, it’s so they get something.

And, “You’ll thank me later...”

you never do, do you?

And, you feel a little bit guilty about that...