ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Torn - a poem of solace

Updated on January 19, 2014
The Internal Struggle from Megan flickr.com
The Internal Struggle from Megan flickr.com
Iron Door from Helmut Pizka flickr.com
Iron Door from Helmut Pizka flickr.com
Chain bearer from Paul Scicluna flickr.com
Chain bearer from Paul Scicluna flickr.com
the wrath of my pen from meaghdalena flickr.com
the wrath of my pen from meaghdalena flickr.com
Greed from Abby Alyse flickr.com
Greed from Abby Alyse flickr.com
Pariah from Chip McMillan III flickr.com
Pariah from Chip McMillan III flickr.com

Torn

By Tony DeLorger © 2014


Inevitably torn between what I feel I should,

and what I can muster, is a constant struggle,

a grinding, excruciating internal dilemma,

exhausting, and debilitating.


Not morality but procrastination,

like an iron door too heavy to open,

haunts my waking hours,

disarming my forward steps with an avaricious pleasure,

as if this demon foe profited from my stagnation.


I can but take small steps in one single direction,

blinkered by my inability to push life forward too fast,

to attain too much, be granted too much,

and in that the frustration of a blunt razor,

the inner purgatory I know so well.


Pariah by choice, unable to swallow a broad life,

I can but maintain a facet at a time,

a mere scratching at the surface of physical life,

but where I live is within, at the end of my pen,

where all struggles end and freedom lives eternal.


Here in my minds eye life is but a play,

and I, having written all the characters,

immerse myself in the ensuing plots,

with all the twists and turns of injustice and recompense.


Here in my world, I am king,

no oppression or limitations abound,

just the freedom of thought and circumstance

that a mind can imbibe and rest fulfilled,

in the serenity of a world within a world.


Forever torn I shall be, with the ways of man,

the pursuits of wealth, status and power,

when I at the periphery observe the failing sun,

and I hold tightly within my thoughts, all that matters,

none of which live in the physical.


I am alone, rejected, a pariah in real terms,

connected to few but known to many,

lost to the demands of physical life,

yet soaring in the freedom of expression,

where beauty transcends the ugly truths of human life.


I cannot be anything other than what I am. I can pretend, mirror and project, but in the end I betray myself by dishonesty and dis-empower my destiny.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Tony DeLorger profile imageAUTHOR

      Tony DeLorger 

      4 years ago from Adelaide, South Australia

      I appreciate that pochinuk. You have a great day.

    • profile image

      pochinuk 

      4 years ago

      Tony,

      Thank you, I seek not to socialize either, and I appreciate what you said very much and:(Your number of 456 followers is good though.)

      I will carry it with me as I continue to enjoy your poetry.

      I can be comical, serious, and even down right honest in my replies, and questions when commenting on hubs, not to waste time, but sincerely enjoy those who are as you say of yourself:

      "...This is who I am and what I do..."

      So far, I have found success with this sincerity on my part and the part of

      those whom I follow and follow me.

      Again, I am glad for what you have now told me.

      -pochinuk

    • Tony DeLorger profile imageAUTHOR

      Tony DeLorger 

      4 years ago from Adelaide, South Australia

      My pochinuk friend, there is much within this brain that spews forth onto the page. I leave no stone un-turned and have always been completely honest. My words are truth in relation to myself; I am a pariah, I live a quiet life and write (this I believe is my purpose). I have suffered from clinical depression my whole life, and the struggle here is literal. What this disorder gives me is a path of self-realization that is fruitful in its gifts. My work therefore mirrors what I feel at any particular time, including dark thoughts and light observations. I don't have a great following on HubPages because of this, and because I am not here, nor have the time to be very social. I am a prolific writer, 13 published books and over 1000 pages of poetry in the last two years. This is who I am and what I do. This info may give you more of an insight into my work. Take care.

    • profile image

      pochinuk 

      4 years ago

      mm, I like this poem, and have read it four times now, once fast (1) then slower and slower (3-4).I

      think I am getting part,

      maybe some, perhaps all of

      what your words are saying:

      '…Pariah…"

      "...but where I live is within, at the end of my pen,"

      "...soaring in the freedom of expression…"

      Never heard of the word pariah before; it

      certainly compliments the life-flow of ink

      in being able to write: Outcasted. One is

      boundless with written expression.

      Torn, tearing? creates holes.?

      I get a message from this poem

      that we can find consolation in writing.

      Am I getting it? the pariah message here?

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)