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Tricks of the Dominatrix

Updated on May 26, 2020

Tricks of the Dominatrix

I really don't know enough about the subject to truly make the call, but I'm pretty sure I met a dominatrix when I was 22 and working as an extern at Johns Hopkins Bayview Hospital in Baltimore. Her name was Miss Ursula, and I could not make that up. She was a technician (by day), working there taking vital signs and giving bed baths to patients who were immobile. I worked with her on some of the night shifts that I worked at Bayview while I was in school.

So, of course, I was scared of her. She towered over me, and she had shoulders that I've really never seen on a woman. If I wasn't so afraid of her, I would've asked her if the NFL had ever seen those puppies, because lord knows she should've been backing lines with shoulders like that. I take my lessons on what to do when you're afraid from the wild--play dead. That's pretty much what I did, I avoided her at all cost. Unless she told me to do something, in which case I did it, hopefully the way she liked it.

Miss Ursula didn't have a lot of formal education, and I'm pretty sure in her private studies at home she hadn't come across the words hierarchy, or authority. Johns Hopkins produces some of the world's most talented, and arrogant doctors on the planet. I've seen some of the doctors request an extra place setting for their egos. "I'll have a bagel, and my ego will have the eggs benedict." I love peace, I stalk it. So it usually isn't any problem for me to defer a little to get it. Handling Miss Ursula was not a problem for me. But the strange phenomenon I noticed in working with her was that EVERYONE deferred to this woman. She was crazy, she had no idea what the heck she was talking about. Yet, I'm pretty sure she could've told one of the doctors to "crank up this fool's medicine" and they would've done it, or at least considered it. Gaining respect in the medical field is right up there with a quick trip to Mecca, and yet every Doctor there called her Miss Ursula. Attending docs don't even acknowledge people not directly related to accomplishing their purpose, and she was not only acknowledged but actually called Miss? How was she doing this?

I watched her and I talked to her. I had to know how she, with a 4 week training course on how to take vital signs, and where to put adult diapers, was running this cardiac unit. I won her over, accidentally, that was not my intention, and she started to advise me. She gave me the kind of advice that only makes sense on 2 cups of coffee at 3 am when you have a test to take in the morning, and you've only eaten doritos for the day. I can't repeat all the advice as there was just far too much swearing, but the gist of what I picked up from this woman is--how you are treated is essentially your choice, and your responsibility. People will only treat you how you let them, and when they don't get the memo that you will be respected, that you will not be taken for granted, then it is up to you to kindly remind them.

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    • ahostagesituation profile imageAUTHOR

      SJ 

      10 years ago

      Ha! That woman thought I was the mildest, weakest creature on the earth. She was constantly saying, "WHERE are you from?" She kept telling me to cuss people out, including the patients. She really wasn't right in the head. I am one who will say, "don't mistake my kindness for weakness.' It is anything but. Thanks for reading!

    • Ashantina profile image

      Ashantina 

      10 years ago

      This is brilliant a.h.s!! We could all learn a lil from Miss Ursula :)

    • profile image

      Hung 

      10 years ago

      Funny article, and your hot! You could dominate me anytime you want

    • ahostagesituation profile imageAUTHOR

      SJ 

      10 years ago

      Well, I.M., I don't see anything wrong with having just a few friends. I think it's great. I'll say this, far more people consider me a friend than I consider friends of mine. It isn't that I don't love thbem, but I observe how my friends make decisions, handle themselves, and treat the trust others have placed in them before I trust them myself. Why do you think it is that people are intimidated by you? I'm a strong person, and I always have been, but anyone who is intimidated by me doesn't know me. The stronger a person I became the more deferring I did, and the more comfortable I became with my own weakness.

    • IdeaMorphist profile image

      IdeaMorphist 

      10 years ago from Chicagoland

      So great! I was raised being told that people will treat you how you let them. Now, I think many people are so intimidated by me that it is the reason I only have a few friends.

    • ahostagesituation profile imageAUTHOR

      SJ 

      10 years ago

      LOL!!! I'm not a dominatrix. This story was about a co-worker with dominatrix-like presence. Seems you could learn online or something like that, but I wouldn't be able to help you. Funny though.

    • profile image

      K. 

      10 years ago

      I want to be a dominatrix but dont know where to start.

      Anything tips? What are some things I can say or make my man do?

      I

    • ahostagesituation profile imageAUTHOR

      SJ 

      11 years ago

      Thanks, Kael! And the fact that I'm 3000 miles, and over 6 years away from her and I'm still obediently calling her Miss Ursula shows the level of her intimidation. I still don't quite know how she did it. And really, if I DID see her do any of what you describe, that's when I'd say something along the lines of, "don't mind me, I'm just the extern. I saw nothing." Thanks for reading!

    • Kael Myril profile image

      Kael Myril 

      11 years ago from Tacoma, WA

      Very nice! I'm assuming the story ended where it did because this is Clean Humor and Miss Ursula later got her

      day job as a hospital technician mixed up with her night job as a dominatrix. Old men were getting dressed up in studded leather chaps and whipped, while at night wealthy business men, expecting to be bound and gagged, were forced to disrobe and were given a spongebath followed by a force feeding of Gerber Baby Food Peas. When questioned the business man said, "Mwuaghmuffmuahgff," mainly because his mouth was full of peas. We will not go into the state of his business suit because as we said, this is Clean Humor...

      Now do you see what you've done to me? Which means that this column is a smashing success. Anything that makes me laugh and think is worth reading.

      Thanks for a good read!

    • ahostagesituation profile imageAUTHOR

      SJ 

      11 years ago

      thanks--logic, commonsense.

    • profile image

      logic,commonsense 

      11 years ago

      Miss Ursula was right on! Great story!

    • ahostagesituation profile imageAUTHOR

      SJ 

      11 years ago

      Kathy-yay! Glad you liked it!

    • kathy little wolf profile image

      Little Wolf 

      11 years ago from Dusty Trails, Arkansas

      I enjoyed this and couldn't help but smile all the way thru it!!! muah!!

    • ahostagesituation profile imageAUTHOR

      SJ 

      11 years ago

      mega1! Very funny, and I work hard not to be that nurse, but I gotta say this business pushes every button a human being has! Thanks so much for the compliment, I really appreciate it.

    • mega1 profile image

      mega1 

      11 years ago

      There was a nurse like this when I had my oldes son who taught me how to nurse the baby - so you can imagine! And you are a genius writer - I hope you know it and keep it coming!

    • ahostagesituation profile imageAUTHOR

      SJ 

      11 years ago

      Poppa blues...hilarious, and yeah good idea on calling her Miss!! Thank you. Kirsten I really appreciate the feedback, and I wanted to quit writing right out of high school, but it won't seem to go away! thanks a lot!

    • profile image

      Poppa Blues 

      11 years ago

      Oh what a great story! I love your humor and of course Miss Ursula was dead on! (Hell, even I'm calling her Miss!)

    • kirstenblog profile image

      kirstenblog 

      11 years ago from London UK

      You know what? The advice you were given makes a lot of sense to me. By the end of this story I had a big grin on my face, and just a bit of a giggle. I enjoyed your writing style and the path you took to get to the invaluable advice. Great start you have here.

    • ahostagesituation profile imageAUTHOR

      SJ 

      11 years ago

      Thanks missfulanita! She really was crazy, but I learned from her, and her advice certainly worked.

    • profile image

      missfulanita 

      11 years ago

      Oh my morning dessert! Loved it. Especially her advice.

    • ahostagesituation profile imageAUTHOR

      SJ 

      11 years ago

      thanks! glad you liked it.

    • thevoice profile image

      thevoice 

      11 years ago from carthage ill

      this great hub first rate reading I enjoyed it very much thanks

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