The Invention of Blue
ONCE UPON A TIME
in a land where colour was all the rage, the god Mars who doubled as a happy go lucky insurance salesman named Martin, decided, at the behest of the other gods who were afraid that the rising population of mixed races would pollute their own ranks, to create a “mark” that would identify and separate their own divine caste from that of humans.
Now, in this “world”
people were identified by the colour of their hair which in turn was determined by the food they ate. The lower on the “chain of being” their food derived from, the lower the status of the colour of their hair as identified from bottom to top by:
Rusty red from consuming lead; Pale yellow from old milk and flour; Black and / or dark Brown from a coal tar named nutella used as a spread on bread; Deeper red like crimson from beets, red cabbages or aged red wine; Purple from purple carrots; Vermillion from radishes and bright or lemon yellow from turmeric.
The gods on the other hand,
who consumed a nectar called ambrosia had hair colour that lay somewhere in between vermillion and bright yellow called ruby gold. However, as the castes known as the Tumers and the Radishes were interbreeding rapidly, they too were beginning to don lush manes that resembled those of the gods.
That’s why Mars decided to invent an artificial dye that could be used as a colour agent in their own food to alter their hair colour to one for which humans had no name either because it was not visible to them, or because it was transparent when in use or because it refracted into an array of unique shades for which they had no generic unifying name preferring to classify these shades under the other existing colours.
The colour Mars chose — as we all know — was blue; Which could never be manufactured by humans because they had only technology rather than pure science which was called natural philosophy. Plus, they had no access to ambrosia which was grown in a secret garden and derived from a tree humans believed was mythical.
Further, to complicate matters
the gods had created a decoy mythology to divert the attention of humans by sending them on a wild goose chase after a non-existent immortality drug called soma which was supposed to lie on the bottom of the ocean.
But of course, this left only one substance in the world that was truly blue even when in use ( unlike sky, ice and water ) which the gods themselves, despite being gods, found it difficult to transmute into a blue dye. This substance, which was a peacock feather, was not colour fast enough to survive the alchemical process with colour intact.
Consequently, the gods hired a demi-god named Benjamin F. Feingold, ( the F standing for Faivish ) a renowned alchemist, and set him on the task of extracting a blue dye from the natural world. Cyr Feingold began by a meta-analysis of 23 studies on food dyes conducted hyperactively on 300 British children published in The Lancet. After this, he surveyed 26,000 adults of American descent over the last three years that said they had been seeking a blue dye themselves ever since The Lancet leaked news of the gods’ blue extraction project.
This led to several leads
of which only one panned out. This one derived from an Ethiopian woman whose ancestors in Africa already had discovered a source and a technology for producing a colour-fast blue dye. Somewhere in a lagoon off the Blue Nile a mysterious sludge collected that, when dry-heated, turns the wet muck into green powder. About 10 percent of that powder is made up of molecules called psycocoyannis which when wrested from the green, produce the highly prized blue dust by 9 am. From here, the blue dust is sent to secret “colour houses” whose natural scientists tinker with it further before selling it back to gods like Mars.
When Feingold heard this he was flabbergasted. Why would the gods have me research how to extract a blue dye from the natural world if they already have one? He thought. Especially, if they risked leaking it to envious humans. Unless, it was intentional. But as humans can’t see generic blue anyway, why would the gods need another decoy?
As time went by,
a couple of colour scientists Feingold conferred with who were associated with the secret Ethiopian project leaked some very disturbing information. For over a hundred years, according to a whistle blower named Dr. Izzo, a company called DIC registered by the gods in Japan to research colour psychology beginning with children and then adults had determined that humans had learned over millennia to see in colours signposts indicating safety and danger, so they could avoid having to stick everything in their mouths to find out whether it was poisonous or not. Humans can ordinarily distinguish more than two million different colours. But instead of continually reconstructing images of everything they see, their brains take shortcuts by creating colour memories as filters. A ripe banana, for example, is assigned a particular yellow based on previous experience with bananas. Dr. Izzo called this the “memory colour effect,” and not all cultures see and know colours in the same way. The global food conglomerate of the gods wants its hair to be uniformly recognisable as identical with humans anywhere in the world. Mars wants their hair colour to become, in essence, a memory colour for the entire species. And they achieve this by adding conditional recognition to the memory colour effect by copious hours of television viewing where colours have been carefully pre-selected for this.
However, as the Europeans, he continued,
watch fewer hours of T.V., those humans for whom blue appears as a transparent “non-colour” reside there which explains why they read Marx and entertain revolutionary ideas defiant to the bidding of the gods. Further research, Dr. Izzy explained, had revealed that the European brain also had not been properly lobotomized, the left and right hemispheres retaining many synaptic and cortextual connections between the half of it responsible for vision which helps condition memory, and the half of it responsible for reactive intelligence which helps with putting down the chips and getting off the couch. And this is the reason for the endless infusion of the colour blue, not only in our food but also in medicine and fashion and literally everywhere else, not least of which in the electronic media where exact colour coding is easiest to achieve with maximal results for brain conditioning.
Now, just when it seemed that everything was lost;
Just as the blue colour blind Marxists were lining up to revolt against the blue-extraction drive of the blue-blooded gods, because it was supposed that their transparent hair and pupils derived from a different blood chemistry once known by the name of “ichor,” a miracle occurred of such rarity that the greatest of astrologers deemed it to be the second such miracle in history.
A child was born
with ultramarine eyes and a silvery green blood type many assumed, including the medical doctors who examined the boy, was a child of Mercury. But unlike the other children, this child did not issue from the womb of a woman but instead germinated parthenogenically inside the torso of a man, and grew at an exponential rate many compared with the development of history’s greatest composer, Mozart. So that in seven years, this ultramarine and intrauterine infant grew like a parasite inside its host, consuming this latter’s white and red blood cells while the host was feeding on a raw diet of huito berries, blue gardenia flowers, red cabbages, soil bacteria, tree root fungi, mushrooms and spirulina, all topped off with aged red wine. Nevertheless, this was not consumed cold in side dishes.
It was blended into a thick sludge and heated up to 100 degrees in a four-story-high hot-air dryer, which turns the wet muck into green powder. About 10 percent of that powder is made up of molecules called psycocoyannins, which, when wrested from the green make the highly prized blue dust which can be consumed much like a protein powder in milkshakes, ice sludges or Japanese style teas or simply snorted through a nostril. This is the prescribed supplement for producing blue blooded hair and eyes by humans trying to reproduce naturally the extraction project of the gods; — So that the host, literally, turned inside out, and was replaced by this divine but chthonic child whose verdant signposts gradually mutated into lapis lazuli ( also known as indigo in our world ), though this was visible neither by ordinary humans nor the usual array of gods — in fact, not even ordinary Marxists could see the “blue light” in the child ( of which one great scientist related to Einstein surmised that even the boy’s bone marrow was composed, and therefore was more akin to the stuff of dreams than that of solid bone ).