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True So True

Updated on June 19, 2013

Oh my goodness
If I am your true friend, then be prepared
Because friendship is an all
Or nothing proposition for some of us
It is not just a matter of going with the flow
Although I understand
If I see that you are drowning in a swimming pool
I will be the first one to jump in with you to save you from it
But if you are standing by a swimming pool
Drowning yourself in self pity
Then be prepared I will be the one who pushes you in the pool
I would rather see you all wet, than lose your dignity to ignorance
When you are sad, it makes me so mad
To see you swirling and choking on the undertow of some dude
So I will be the first one to drag you out of the house
I will get you laid, get you high, I will get you drunk and fall down
While I help you plot that sweet tasting revenge
Against that scum sucking worthless bastard that broke your heart
And help you deal with how he made you so sad
Then when you are ready to run him over with your truck
I will steal your keys away from you, and help you look for them too
When you are down with the blues, all gloomy, feeling doomed
And when you are filled with depressing thoughts
That all seem to get you down, I will remind you
Of how much you really mean to me, that I am so happy
Everyday that you are part of my life, alive and still around
I will pray that I know the right words, or I will find them
Because what puts a smile on your face
That is something that motivates me more than you might think
Because you are my friend
Having you in my life is a gift
Just having you in my life would be enough
But a true friend like me gets a little greedy
And I want more more more
Why you might ask me? Why would you do that?
Why me? And I will realize I love you
Which is when I apologize and give you back your car keys I stole
And I punch you in the arm and say
Why not? Why the hell not?
Think about it, I need you too
I think about it everyday, I just don't always tell you
So today before you say another unkind word
Think of someone who is afraid to speak truthfully, that will never be me
Because when a true friend like me comes around
I come attached with a little baggage, a few strings
And one or two great big guarantees
If you are choking, I promise I will stumble over paramedics
To dislodge whatever has cut off your air, whatever is choking you.
I promise to always be there for you, if I know you need me
Whenever you crack a smile I will be there
When you are trying to get laid, I will help you
But if he is a jerk, I will cock block you just as easily too
Whenever you are really scared, I will comfort you
And later I will rag on you about it, every single chance I get
When you are tired and need to complain about your job
I will tell you to think of all those unemployed, disabled and less qualified
And then remind you about all of those people who wish they had your job
When you are really worried about life
I will scare you much worse, by telling you such horrible stories
About how much worse it could be and tell you to quit whining
Today before you complain about anything else
Think of someone who went too early to heaven
I will never willingly let that happen to us.
Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet
That would be me, ask me before you have to drive alone
I will go along for the ride and go the distance with you
Before you complain about the service from the waitress
I will remind you to be patient and help pass the time
Or think of someone who has no one, not just nothing to eat
Before you complain about being a better husband or wife
Think of someone who has no one, I will say to you
We will never let each other be alone and crying
We will always have each other, like true friends do
When you are feeling dazed and confused
I promise I will use very small little words
To explain everything about it to your dumb loser ass
But you better not expect me not to giggle just a little
When you fall, well of course I will point and laugh
At your dumb clumsy ass, but life is too short
And when you are sick with the flu, I will say get the hell away
You did not catch it from me and until you are all well again
I do not want to catch whatever you have
I will not go with the flow, I promise you
This is my best friends forever bloody oath
But I will never let go through the pain alone
And I will never let you be afraid to swim
And I will always let you in my thoughts, my heart, maybe my bed
Because I am your true friend, and I know you are mine
So all this I pledge until the very end
Through sticks and stones
Through fat, thick or thin
I will follow you like a river knows which way to flow
Like two flock bound birds know magnetic North
My soul runs deep for you, so deep
Why you may ask?
Because you are my true friend
You will probably live to regret it
But it is true so true

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    • bibi16 profile image
      Author

      Bibi 5 years ago from Phoenix Arizona

      I had to take their keys, they were going to go drinking and driving. But I did forget to give them back for a few days...but nobody drank and drive. So that was the key to my successfully laid out plan. I don't know if it is better to be my friend or not cheeky girl. Wanna try it. LOL!

    • Cheeky Girl profile image

      Cassandra Mantis 5 years ago from UK and Nerujenia

      Triple holy mother of everything - this is heavy going! LOL!

      With friends like this, who needs enemies? Steal their keys and then help them look for them? But why not just be more honest and direct about it? Hah! Too easy, maybe?

      Friendships do come with terms and conditions, we know this from life. I never want to be the one who wakes up one day to find I married an Axe Murderer! LOL! Great hub and this made me think!

    • bibi16 profile image
      Author

      Bibi 5 years ago from Phoenix Arizona

      Yeah right baby. Weird is the new wow!!! Sad but True. LOL!

    • blake4d profile image

      Blake Ford Hall 5 years ago from Now Rising Out of Phoenix Arizona Earthlings

      So weird that it is true. A wild and funny, but honest look at friendship...that is not easy to do in a single poem. Trippy. Keep on Hubbing. Blake4d