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Turtle in a shell

Updated on February 3, 2013

Becoming Me

Who am I?

I ask myself that question each and everyday. I don't know who I am anymore. I live like a turtle inside a shell. I don't want to go anywhere or do anything. I have become boring, non-lifelike, and lost. I don't know which direction I need to go or which direction I have been. I have been down many roads, taking the curves quick and leaving a long trail behind.

I follow the bread crumbs only to be eluded into danger, darkness and dismay. My hope is gone, no light glimmers and I don't know how to save myself. I want to live and not die and be buried deep within myself. My soul longs to be freed from the darkness, to be lead where the light shines bright. I want to pop my head out of my shell, yell out to the world that you can't beat me. I want to live, be merry.

The storm within me rages. Not from anger but from pain. How do you cure a broken heart? One that has constantly been trifled on by every possible soul it has had contact with. Are all souls this afflicted? Do we all live our lives hiding who we truly are, wearing masks so no one knows the real us?

I hide behind my mask everyday. I don't want to feel those feelings of hurt and pain and rejection again. I want to freely speak as to who I really am. I don't want the shade or the darkness to invade my soul. I want to feel free of all the heartache, the degrading feelings that I feel and tell myself everyday.

I don't even look in the mirror at myself anymore. I am scared at what I have become. I have felt so down for so long that picking myself up is like hurdling ten feet tall hurdles.

I no longer wish to be the turtle in the shell!

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    • rajan jolly profile image

      Rajan Singh Jolly 5 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

      I know how it feels but never say die. You want to come out of the shell. I guess the desire itself is a big plus. You will feel great here and will definitely come out of the shell. Welcome to hubpages.

      Voted up. Keep writing. Good luck.

    • cherylone profile image

      Cheryl Simonds 5 years ago from Connecticut

      Nice hub. Welcome to hubpages, and to get out of the shell, you have to first look beyond the edge....I know pretty awful, right. Hope you find your way.