ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Under The Microscope

Updated on July 4, 2011
Scotch by morberg on Flickr
Scotch by morberg on Flickr

Hate your spirituality
Hate your friends and that computer
3 days sober
Sorry about that one thing, won’t happen again

you’re forgiven

You’re not the woman I married
But are you still in love with me?
10 days sober
Sorry about this morning

you’re forgiven

Don’t give your attention to that machine
Do you love me now, no pressure
16 days sober
I’m sorry, but I’m trying

you're forgiven

You’ve replaced me with your girlfriends
Love me yet?
20 days sober
Sorry about what I did

you’re forgiven...you’re forgiven...you’re forgiven

1 day sober

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Randy Behavior profile imageAUTHOR

      Randy Behavior 

      9 years ago from Near the Ocean

      Tom, my poetry chronicles my life. If you missed this you missed a chapter. I'm glad you liked it... different kind of layout. It confused some people.

      Fortune, Thanks for your kind words, and for your prayers. I can and I have. Thanks.

    • fortunerep profile image

      fortunerep 

      9 years ago from North Carolina

      Never let anyone tell you that you can't. Erase those words from you mind bank. You can, you will, and you will live to tell about it.

      Many Prayers,

      dori

    • Tom Rubenoff profile image

      Tom rubenoff 

      9 years ago from United States

      Wow, I can't believe I missed this one! This is amazing. The heartbreak and survival.

    • Randy Behavior profile imageAUTHOR

      Randy Behavior 

      9 years ago from Near the Ocean

      I guess I'll take the sentimental drunk over the angry drunk, but the tea totaler over all. I'll be a little more careful with my selection this go around.

    • profile image

      ColdWarBaby 

      9 years ago

      Would that I could.

    • Randy Behavior profile imageAUTHOR

      Randy Behavior 

      9 years ago from Near the Ocean

      Would ya get me beer while you're up?

    • profile image

      ColdWarBaby 

      9 years ago

      I'm heading to the kitchen now to mix myself another gin and juice.

    • Randy Behavior profile imageAUTHOR

      Randy Behavior 

      9 years ago from Near the Ocean

      I'd be lying, if I said he never made me want one.

    • profile image

      ColdWarBaby 

      9 years ago

      The question in my mind, who's the one that needs a drink?

    • Randy Behavior profile imageAUTHOR

      Randy Behavior 

      9 years ago from Near the Ocean

      Thanks Mellas, my Dad's one too, but he's just a sentimental sleepy drunk. But he's my mothers problem.

    • MellasViews profile image

      MellasViews 

      9 years ago from Earth

      well done. My dad is an alchie... he's pretty decent when sober... but when he's not... forget about it. There've been times I wanted to just about kill him!

    • Randy Behavior profile imageAUTHOR

      Randy Behavior 

      9 years ago from Near the Ocean

      Benjimester, Thanks for reading.  Sharing it makes it smaller.

    • Benjimester profile image

      Benji Mester 

      9 years ago from San Diego, California

      I'm bummed that you have to go through such a horrible thing. I wish there was more that I could say. I hope things work out for the best. Thanks for being willing to share.

    • Randy Behavior profile imageAUTHOR

      Randy Behavior 

      9 years ago from Near the Ocean

      If I could just pack them up and run away without hurting anyone else I would. I can't visualize it though. Instead I picture my kids and I joyous, I picture him joyous and I'll let the universe figure out to make that happen.

    • Zooloot.com profile image

      Zooloot.com 

      9 years ago from Europe

      I have 7 children but still live life with PASSION. I have also been married 3 times and STILL live life with PASSION.

      This one is yours they will have theirs. If they choose to LIVE.

      Your example will show them the way ;)

    • Randy Behavior profile imageAUTHOR

      Randy Behavior 

      9 years ago from Near the Ocean

      Wow, thanks for sharing your passion for life. I have kids though, and can't make my happiness more important than theirs. I try to keep my reality, and let him have his. I know I'm walking a fence.

    • Zooloot.com profile image

      Zooloot.com 

      9 years ago from Europe

      Anonymous’s if that’s a word; there are lots of them. AA, SexA, DrugA, ShoppingA, BusinessA, CreditA, GamblersA etc. etc. etc. but we are all addicted to something these days as we are no longer willing to go on the journey of pure experience’S which tends to induce more of that stuff we are really addicted to; 'natural body chemicals' like dopamine and adrenaline. In fact most hard drugs simply increase the flow of dopamine. Problem starts when the body adjusts and says “We’re getting to much” and the thrill just gets harder to find.

      The pain that is inflicted on those who live in the space of an addict (who has chosen one experience to focus on) was beautifully presented here. And even more so their unbelievable willingness to put up with it; and in so doing, end two lives with one tolerance.

      Life is for LIVING be it a short life or long but no one should live in the shadow of another persons inability to simply enjoy ALL life has to offer without getting hitched to one element of it.

      May I say LIVE again and add WITH PASSION and surround yourself with those people that you never have to say “I forgive you” more than once for the same mistake.

      Support is a willingness to guide, encourage, lift and edify. It does not and should not include sacrificing ones right to LIVE a life with PASSION.

      Hope that didn’t sound too strong but I have watched too many people give up their LIVES sticking around lost causes who continually say “I’m sorry” for the same old mistakes.

      LIVE the EXPERIENCE of LIFE to the full and the dopamine and adrenaline will flow NATURALLY.

      But this journeys starts by making choices. CHOOSE LIFE you deserve it.

    • Jewels profile image

      Jewels 

      9 years ago from Australia

      Exactly! LOL

    • Randy Behavior profile imageAUTHOR

      Randy Behavior 

      9 years ago from Near the Ocean

      I know Jewels, don't you just want to scratch his ears and rub his belly!

    • Jewels profile image

      Jewels 

      9 years ago from Australia

      Pest, you'd have to be the cuddliest piece of vermin on hubpages.

    • Pest profile image

      Pest 

      9 years ago from A Couch, Lake Odessa, MI

      well we all know that fact! I can only remain serious for 9.25 minutes per day...I am over exteded for today!

    • Randy Behavior profile imageAUTHOR

      Randy Behavior 

      9 years ago from Near the Ocean

      You're awesome Pest! Keep your footing.

    • Pest profile image

      Pest 

      9 years ago from A Couch, Lake Odessa, MI

      I haven't beaten it...alcoholism is doing push-ups just around the corner getting stronger every day, waiting for me should I slip.

    • Randy Behavior profile imageAUTHOR

      Randy Behavior 

      9 years ago from Near the Ocean

      Pest, No apologies please.  If this poem speaks to you on a different level thats cool, as long as it speaks to you.  I've lived with Dr jekyl and Mr. Hide for 20 years.  Glad you beat yours.  Most smart asses have a very deep and dear side I've found.

    • Pest profile image

      Pest 

      9 years ago from A Couch, Lake Odessa, MI

      I was referring to your alter ego...mine is dr.jekel and mr hide.  I have been sober for a few days that have turned to years.  As I read this I was thinking of how hard it was and can still be to forgive myself.  Unfortunately because I am a clown here my serious comments are not taken to heart very often.  I am an alcoholic and it was a bitch to kick...rehabs, lost licesnes, detox, mouthwash, cough syrup, rubbing alcohol you name it.  Those are all things that in my right mind  would have never done.  Forgive me for seeing your Hub in a different light than it was meant or others have seen it.

      I thought possibly mr hide may have been speaking to dr jekyl.

    • Randy Behavior profile imageAUTHOR

      Randy Behavior 

      9 years ago from Near the Ocean

      Chris, yes but not here.

      Jewel, thanks for the comment.

      Benson, disturbed is good.

      St. James, thanks for all your kind words. I'll watch the links at some point. Not today.

    • St.James profile image

      St.James 

      9 years ago from Lurking Around Florida

      The best thing you can do... is something for yourself and your family. Al-anon can help you. CODA, and Al-ateen are two other great sources for helping you and your family. They are free and they will help find the strength you need.

      The Alcoholic must want to seek help, and quitting cold turkey could be fatal. I hope he can find recovery, but chances are high without the support of those who have found recovery chances are not good for him.

      I think these links kind of say it all... If you take the time and watch them with an open heart. You might hear the message of hope, that is being told from one alcoholic to many.

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7bbaRyDLMvA

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLQU-O9Mswc

      You can't be responsible for the alcoholic, you can be only responsible for yourself and your family. With the right groups the you, and the family can find hope, strength, and the tools to live.

      Randy, I hope you just don't scoff and push this aside. I, like many others, do speak from some form of experience.

      I understand...

    • Benson Yeung profile image

      Benson Yeung 

      9 years ago from Hong Kong

      disturbing piece. writing is meant to be disturbing, isn't it?

    • Jewels profile image

      Jewels 

      9 years ago from Australia

      Wow, that was special.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 

      9 years ago from St. Louis

      I got it. Very touching and well told...er...versed. Really. This is now a favorite poem of mine. I would say a lot of personal, comforting (maybe) stuff right now -- I can, right? -- but it doesn't seem like the right place. Maybe somewhere else if you want. It seemed to me you got forced into saying more than you might have wanted to in the comments. I could be wrong.

      You're asleep now. I send you sweet and pleasant dreams.

    • Randy Behavior profile imageAUTHOR

      Randy Behavior 

      9 years ago from Near the Ocean

      So for those of you who don't understand. My husband is the alcoholic. Me and my non-ego deal with this daily. Thank you Pest and Elena for visiting.

      Amanda, you got it.

      St. J, I'm reaching out to Hubbers.

      C.C. Forgiveness is my secret indolgence, it gives me strength in a situation I have no power.

      Thanks for stopping by cblack.

    • cblack profile image

      cblack 

      9 years ago from a beach somewhere

      I look foward to reading more of your hubs. Great work!

    • profile image

      C. C. Riter 

      9 years ago

      20 days sober and all's forgiven good for you. great poem alter ego Randy

      you have a forgiving man, he loves you

    • St.James profile image

      St.James 

      9 years ago from Lurking Around Florida

      You are not alone, nor do you have to due this alone... there are friends and groups that can help, not only the addict, but the family too. Best part its free... all you need to do is pick up that 500 pound telephone and call to find out where they are meeting.

      They have save my ass... funny I never thought that was where my heart was connect to.

      Hope you can reach out and find what you are looking for.

    • Amanda Severn profile image

      Amanda Severn 

      9 years ago from UK

      Alcohol is a tough one to beat, and a hard mistress to compete with. This is a heart-felt poem indeed.

    • Elena. profile image

      Elena. 

      9 years ago from Madrid

      I don't know Pest, I don't think that's the alter ego speaking, I think that's herself.

    • Pest profile image

      Pest 

      9 years ago from A Couch, Lake Odessa, MI

      Is this your alter ego speaking? I am curious.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)