A Phantasmagorical and Very Entertaining Trip to Italy. Part 8 of 42
Sinister crowd wearing black jackboots, black Luger pistols strapped to their thighs, black leotards and black over-sized feather hats stuck to their heads just above their vacant, black over-mascara-ed eyes passes by…
TL looks the other way.
- MCK: Dernier crie de haute couture? Ian, they are looking for someone…
-TL: I have expected them to knock on my door in London, but they did not catch up with me there…
- YYZ: I cannot believe they came all the way down here, to Rome. Maybe it is only a blur… Everything in this story became a blur… much sooner than I expected.
- MCK: No, they seem real enough…
A gentleman who was seen sitting with four business partners (?) before came up to the table.
- Gentleman: Excuse me, I happened to overhear your conversation, and if you are wondering who the Fashion Police is looking for… I believe they are looking for a lady who … mmm… in short, for indecent exposure.
- YYZ: Do you suggest they are looking for me?
- Gentleman: With a billowing red dress? It is either you or the other lady with flaming red hair who left her leather jacket here. She was seen earlier ripping her clothes off.
- MCK: I don’t think there is a word “indecent” in the Italian language.
- Gentleman: I would not know. My Italian is limited to Grazie, Prego, Scusi.
- TL: Those are not Fashion Police. These are moderators and they are looking for a disagreeable old coot sitting in a grubby dressing gown who likes to mutter obscenities…
- MCK: In short, you think they are looking for you? You are not wearing a gown in the first place. Don’t flatter yourself.
- TL: Let’s not quibble over little details.
- Gentleman: The essence is always in little details.
Learning Italian - Basics
- MCK: Excuse me, but what do you have to do with any of this? Apparently, you have paid a lot of attention to our affairs.
- Gentleman: It was hard not to. Let me assure you that I have nothing to do with any of it, but I have heard you were discussing a book or a few books and being an advertising writer and working on a deal with a publisher I thought… My name is Wayne Albright, I am from Australia.
- MCK: Australia?!
- TL: Australia!!! Yes, we were discussing books, but I may be prohibited from publishing. I have received threats that if I try to publish anything again I will be excommunicated, have a fatwa taken out on me; […] in the town square; sent to live in Nova Scotia or at the very least I will be drummed out…
- MCK: Heavens, Ian, what are you talking about?
- TL: Never mind … I don’t always find understanding with moderators or moderation. I say “orgies” and they ask me to change it for “parties”. But that’s what I meant and I am THE AUTHOR and should have a right to choose my words and as Wayne just has said “The essence is in little details”.
- Wayne: It can always be discussed, can it not? The success of a book depends on positioning, a title, a clever advertising campaign…What are you trying to publish?
- TL: “The Nefarious Life of Ian” and note, the author(ess) did not even give me a passing nod…
- Wayne: And how do you want to position it?
- TL: I did not have an action plan except for spending my time by going next door and kicking my neighbours cat.
- MCK: How is that supposed to help?
- YYZ: Cats are famous for positioning and re-positioning themselves very fast.
- TL: It won’t help, but what are cats for after all if not for swinging?
Grazie, Prego, Scusi
- MCK: Waiter! Scusi…
- Waiter: Yes, sir?
- MCK: Can we have a cat? Prego…
- Waiter: A chat?
- MCK: A cat.
- Waiter: A check?
- MCK: A CAT!!!!
Waiter #1 leaves. Talks to Waiter #2.
- Waiter #2: Is there a problem?
- Waiter #1: They want a cat, I’ll give them a cat. Can you bring me Fabrizio?
- Waiter #2: But the boss will be furious!
- Waiter #1: Don’t worry, I’ll charge them double.
Waiter #2 brings a creature called Fabrizio that obviously belongs to the owner of the café.
Waiter #1 approaches the table.
- YYZ (screams in high tonality): AAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
- Waiter #1: There you go, a cat.
- MCK (in a cool and collected manner): Grazie.
- MCK: So, Ian, would you rather kick it or swing it?
- TL: What an adorable creature! Can I have it? It is perfect for hiding under my shawl. Besides it needs some warmth.
- Waiter #1: No, sir, I am afraid Fabrizio is prohibited from travel.
- TL: Too bad. Such a lovely cat…
- YYZ: A cat? A cat or a rat?
- MCK: Let’s not quibble over little details…I just thought what a sight it would be seeing you swinging cats…or rats…
- Waiter #1: Anything else, sir?
- MCK: Ian, what do you usually hide under your shawl…?
- TL: I get it, I get it… Thank you, grazie, you can go. We are fine. Or are we?
- Wayne: But, coming back to our books…
- TL: There were a couple of suggestions.
- MCK: Such as…?
- YYZ: “Nothing is as it appears” or “Series of incidents in parenthesis”.
- Wayne: mmm…
- TL (in a sinister voice): What do you mean by “MMM…”? “A dog (not a cat) is an animal that barks. The phrase not a cat is a parenthesis.
- Wayne: Is the book about cats or parenthesis?
- TL: The book is about me, I hope, where I am a lovely person characterized by laziness, arrogance and…
- MCK: Ian!
- TL: …seated in my bath-chair and waiting to be pushed along the Via Vento…
- MCK: Ian!
- TL (enjoying it more and more): … the disgusting old roué with the …
- Wayne: Interesting! It has certainly an edge, but, honestly, but it might go too deep for general public…
- TL: Certainly, it can go too deep. You have no idea what a deep author I am. Would you be interested in visiting one of the Australian beaches?
- Wayne: Why? Are you offering swimming lessons? I am not a good swimmer… When in water, my only goal is to stay alive…I am not good with undercurrent, ebb and flow…
- TL (laughing to himself): Do you LIKE classical music? My hands could manage an aggregio as well as they could a laryn…. He-he-he…
- MCK: Ian!
- TL: I am a deeply flawed individual with some nasty little attributes therefore the characters I give birth to…
- MCK: Svetlana is right, everything is a blur now, who gives birth to whom, who strangles whom, who is shadowed by whom…
- Wayne: I am no stranger to fiction myself.
- MCK: I thought you said you were an advertising author.
- Wayne: I consider writing that brought me no money pure fiction and when an author gets no money he might become sinister and write macabre things...
- MCK: There is another book…
- TL: What book?
- YYZ: Once I had a conversation with Maja about how to preserve our hub work.
“I was thinking (it was a dream actually) about what your book would look like.
You triggered the thought when you told me that you wish you had a copy of your hubs in tangible form.
The book was called "42". Just that.
Inside, the pages were formatted much like your hubs.
For each song, there was a picture and a track number.
At the back page of the book was attached a cd/dvd with each of the tracks in the chapters of the book.
It was a colourful and interactive book.
I love how they make interactive children's books (like the read-a-long stories).
That would be fun for adults too.
We were having coffee, and oddly enough, I was the one who handed the book to you.
I love how dreams bring subconscious thoughts together to tell a new story.
Perhaps it was not just a dream, but a sort of premonition...”
- MCK: Look, it is Maja coming back.
Maja comes on a motorcycle
- Maja: Are you still here? Drinking coffee? It’s February.
- YYZ: We are having nightmares and discussing books.
- Maja: I brought one. An example of what could be done – how hubs can be converted into a real book.
- YYZ: What did I tell you? First we write it, then it happens…
- Wayne: With your permission?
- Maja: Of course, you can look at it.
- Wayne: It can be sold.
- YYZ: I think it is still in process of being written. But being a never-ending novel…
- MCK: When are we leaving Rome?
- YYZ: The idea….
- TL: What are we taking?
- YYZ: Yellow bicycles.
- Maja: In February?
- YYZ: Right, maybe a bus?
- TL: A bath?
- YYZ: A bus. B-U-S.
- TL: Svetlana, your pronunciation…
- MCK: Maybe it will be safer to take a train then?
- TL: Safety? It does not exist…
- MCK: Then tomorrow we will leave at daybreak on motorbikes…
Trip to Italy
- A Phantasmagorical and Very Entertaining Trip to Italy. Part 7 of 42.
Hangover party in Rome. After sitting for four months in a Roman cafe, there are some questions characters want to ask the author...
© 2012 kallini2010