Johnny was flustered from being confronted by a neighborhood thug. He slowly stepped back without looking back at the street that stretched crossed the dividing line of opposing neighborhood. The space of two feet disappeared subsequently from where he first encountered the person he did not cared to interact. Johnny never brought to his mind that the thug was his nemesis. The thug was just a thug, who enforced his vehemence to anyone and in any situation he elected to, because he was a just thug. Johnny knew the thug’s first name, but not his surname. Johnny did not care how the thug’s genealogy was passed on, but he knew the thug was making his presence known by staring down on Johnny to intimidate.
“Hey Johnny! I heard your mother, or I should reiterate, your caretaker had recently received a welfare check. I am certain you stole that money from her. Why don't you peacefully, handed it to me before your face become person of a Neanderthal originality.”
“I don’t have that money, Anyway I have no information whether she had received that check. Why do you threaten me with your unconfirmed information?”
“I know when the government checks are mailed to each residence of this hellhole place. I and my wingman here, follow the pattern and the sequence of which mails are delivered by the carrier. I know your caretaker receive the welfare checks every third Tuesday of the month. Before my prediction becomes a reality, that money should be in my hand immediately!”
The thug voraciously spoke his words, as though he was hungering for a meat, like that of a Lion in Serengeti. The thug did not swerved any of his movement, but intently focused his intimidation on Johnny by narrowing his eyes right on Johnny’s face. Johnny couldn’t move as those words were being heard, Johnny’s fear paralyzed him and the temporal inclination of running away from the thug evaporated. Johnny was not person of a small stature but compare to the thug, he was no match to engage in any form of a physical altercation. Johnny had no choice but to hand the money he took from his caretaker to the thug. Then, to his great relieved, a sound of siren echoed, coming toward more loudly, and the thug and his comrade alarmed by the unexpected sound, ran. The two men reacted to that sound instinctively, because siren had subconsciously ingrained in their being to alert them with a pending danger. Johnny stood still for a moment, until the police patrol car closed in where he was standing. The cops drove by Johnny, ignoring him as though he was no one to be concerned with. Johnny was unwanted.
Johnny made his way to the local convenient store to purchase a bottle of a soda. The carbonation was enticing, especially when his body was frozen in time, unable to move when he was confronted by the thug. He needed carbonation to resuscitate the nerves and ligaments that had momentarily settled in one position. The store had limited merchandises. It was a miracle that there was actually a store in his neighborhood. He took out the money that he stole, and had already cashed the check nearby pawn shop. The cash in his pocket was not much, but it was sufficient for him to last couple weeks. His caretaker was a middle aged woman who had never bore a child. She lived alone in an insect fest small town house not far from where Johnny was confronted by a thug. She brought Johnny to her home several years ago when he was living on the street in the center of a massive metropolis. Johnny behaved abidingly to the instruction of the altruistic woman for a time being, but after the season of seeing the deplorable violence and poverty in his surroundings, he went on his own and decided to live according to his own rules. Johnny came into an existence by unmarried parents. Neither of his parents really had an incurring desire to raised him. His biological mother had him at her home only to used him for receiving the government entitlements. But the years of parental neglect, her addiction to be in a relationship with abusive men and the narcotics, Johnny’s world was never grounded with a purpose. So he left the home where he was actually born, and ran further and further away. His mother never made an effort to look for him when he was gone. The time left him, without any sequence of development, but only the process of his physical growth. Johnny’s mental capability was that of a pre-adolescent, even though he was at an age where he could have gone fight a war for his country. The years of not consuming the necessary nutritions caused his brain to slowed the continual invigoration.
Johnny walked and walked, because that was only thing he was able to do, living purposely was not part of his essence, knowing that he was a bastard, unwanted, made him to hate everyone, everything that surmised before him, even himself.
“Hey Johnny! Where are you heading?”
“Nowhere. Just trying to escape from the thug.”
“Oh? He must have found out about your welfare check. He confronted me yesterday regarding the money my mother received.”
“Did you handed it to him”
Johnny inquired the boy who was happened to be the closest associate in the neighborhood.
“No I did not, because I did not possessed the money. But I still received the beating. The thug thinks that every boy and every girl steal the welfare check from his or her head of households.”
“Well, guess what? I am in possession of the check, well I already cashed it.”
“Wow! You have a lot of nerves! Doesn't your caretaker will realized that you have taken her source of income? Or I supposed this was not the first time you took her money.”
“No it’s not. And I think she knows about it and she is not saying anything to me. She is hopeless like rest of us here. She just waiting for her time to end in this cruel world.”
“Johnny! You have to lightened up a little and look positively because, unless you change your perspective, wandering aimlessly will just define you until your last breath.”
“Thanks for your sage like proverb, but remember, I am a bastard. Like you,I became an illegitimate when two people decided to have sex unprotected. Why they did not abort me? Because they did not know better and plus they did not have the money. Instead the little money they had, they used for drugs, because the immediate fix was always better suited for their pleasuring. Delayed gratification is not something that anyone of us practice here because no one who is from this place could show us how to live that way. This is the sorry state of our existence. I wished I had not lived to see the inescapable poverty. The poverty is the state of mind. It’s more of a spiritual calamity than the material deficiency. According to the Oxford dictionary,a ‘bastard’ is not only a child of illegitimacy but a person of despicableness. That was how my mother perceived me when she was raising me. I must have heard a thousand times that I was a mistake and that I was preventing her to have a fulfilling life. I was not sure what she meant fulfilling when she conducted her daily lives demeaningly and spent most of her money on her short lived gratifications. I was always unwanted and even now”
“Hey Johnny don't be so down on yourself. You will get a chance someday to leave this hellhole. Why don't you meet me here at nine tonight? I want to show you something.”
“What? Show me something? Well it’s not like I have any significant plan. Ok, I will see you then.”
Johnny started to walk toward his home, but he reverted his inclination, not wanting to see his caretaker. He had taken his caretaker’s checks numerous times. The sense of guilt triggered his sensitive conscientiousness. He should have been thankful toward her for letting him lived with her. But that feeling of appreciation toward the lady did not last because Johnny hated being alive, and that hatred ate up all the feelings of being mindful of how others were being treated by him. The agony of not respecting himself for being a God’s creation actually caused venting his despicable attitude more severely; the only Being who had the power to relieved the hatred Johnny brought to himself was his Creator but his vile opinion of himself was too much to overcome. Johnny loitered streets, only to pass time until he was schedule to meet his friend. But the loitering was getting old, even to him. How far and how often can he had gone around in circles, and the places he had already familiarized by his purposeless wandering. Absence incorporated his thoughts, meaningless circumvented every particle of metaphysical substances he ought have been alerting to come alive in recognizing the whereabouts of his daily dictations. But they were not there, because everywhere he looked, there was sense of abandonment overlooking his visual conceptualization.
The time arrived. Johnny slowly made his destination where the location of his appointment was to be convened. The friend was there already, waiting for Johnny. Johnny smiled, not with a gladness of him seeing his friend, but that he will not be at alone for the night.
“Hey! Have you been waiting long? So where are we going?”
“No, I Just arrived here. Follow me, I will take you a place where you will have an opportunity to leave this place you despised.”
Johnny followed him. There was no curious thoughts inquiring his wondering. In spite of his fear, he trusted his friend because his friend was the only person in his life whom he could lead him. After a quarter mile, the friend diagonally directed to the house that was barely standing. Johnny was fearful of what will be the consequence of him stepping inside of the house; hesitated few times before his friend moved more briskly. Inside was dark and empty, it seemed. Navigating through the cluttering of broken pieces of house materials was a challenge to Johnny. He was prevented from moving forward several occasions when the obstacles before him stopped him in his tract. Then to his surprise, a light flashed before him. His friend adjourned his leading, and began to speak to a person who was barely could be seen.
“Who is this guy you brought?”
The man with a deep DJ like voiced his displeasure of witnessing Johnny.
“He is my best friend and he wants to get into the dealing.”
Dealing? Jonny quickly raised his curiosity. But it was not mysterious to him because he knew right away what his friend was implying.
“Oh yea, can you trust him with your life?”
The man directly inquired, almost as though, he was about to shoot Johnny’s friend if he could not answer the man assuringly.
“I trust him and I think you should too.”
Johnny friend did not exude any confidence when replying back to the man, whose voiced echoed throughout the empty room.
“Here are the packages. Tonight I want you and your trusted friend to deliver the packages to two clients who resides other side of city’s district. If you succeed without getting stopped by the authorities and bring back the money you have received from the clients, then I may hired you and your friend permanently as my delivery boys.”
Johnny wanted to object the offer at that moment of his petrification. But, suddenly he began to analyzed his alternative; which was none. His life had already deprecated as soon as he was born. The consequence of him losing his freedom did not mattered to him much, because he realized the jail will not be any worse than where he resided; a poverty stricken neighborhood. The contemplation did not expound, but lived shortly, especially after examining what he will be waking up with; the emptiness of his self-worth. He looked at his friend and nodded his head, signaling to him that he was in the game. The game of allowing the danger to identified him, because without taking the chance, he will ever be stuck in his position of what may become if he did not grabbed the package. It was no different from when a person invested in a new company or starting a business in unestablished industry. He was offered with a similar job before but his conscious was too heavy to appropriate the task willingly, but now, being with his friend, gave him an added nudge to carried out the job. The fact the matter was that since he believed he was a despicable person, dealing drugs was what a despicable person ought to conduct, because people like him neutralize the social order. And also, he felt finally, he will be wanted.