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Vince McMahon to Wrestling Nerd: I'm Tired of Hearing About All Your Damn Emails
WWE Chairman Vince McMahon blew a gasket on Sunday evening, after being confronted by a hardcore wrestling nerd. The Chairman of the Board, who is widely know by his easy going demeanor, soft spoken tone and his ability to take criticism, caught many off guard.
"In my 30 years of working for Vince, I have never seen him raise his voice and lose his cool. Whatever this wrestling nerd wrote clearly got Vince to a whole new level of frustration" stated one buck-toothed butt kisser. I mean Producer.
The nerd in question is Billary Rodman, a caucasian upper class wrestling fan from Bigger Rock, Arkansas. After 35 years with his parents, Billary moved out of the stately house and into a small apartment in Upstate New York. It was there that Mr. Rodman sent over 23,000 emails to Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Despite no clear marking on the emails, Billary claims that the correspondence was meant to be private and classified.
The emails started in 2008 after moving into his Upstate New York apartment. Before that, Billary was not allowed private access to the internet and was monitored by his guardians. Less than a week after the move, Billary installed a private server and started sending storyline ideas to Vince McMahon. He also got a microwave.
Initially, McMahon and company found the emails humorous. In the past, several writers reported having ideas sent to them. However, 8 years after the inital email, Billary has refused to halt correspondence, prompting Vince McMahon to yell his now infamous line " I am tired of hearing about all your damn emails?"
Billary wrote, on average, 7 emails a day to Vince McMahon. The emails outlined character development, entrance music suggestions, wrestlers names, new wrestling moves, and names for the new wrestling moves. But over 50% of the time, the emails were regarding angles and storylines.
In one emails, Billary suggests that John Cena lose the WWE Heavyweight Championship to Neville in a Submission First Blood Cage match. He then goes on to suggest that Cena get sent packing to NXT or Evolve so he can learn how to work.
In another correspondence, Billary attempts to sell Vince McMahon on the concept of Roman Reigns being on the losing end of a feud with Sasha Banks because, after all, Roman Reigns is "a little bitch anyways."
As if those ideas were not enough, Billary goes as far as to try to convince the WWE that he can quadruple their ratings on USA Channel, as well as increase attendance across the board, and WWE Network subscriptions. His idea, outlined in an email from August 21st 2015, stresses the importance of showcasing new talent. Billary wanted McMahon to relegate Randy Orton, Triple H and Sheamus to the first half hour of Raw. Here, the 3 would talk about upcoming wrestling stars such as Necro Butcher and Chuck Taylor. Then then next 2.5 hours of Raw would alternate shoot interviews with Vince Russo and Jim Cornette.
In a statement released from his own sad state of reality, Billary states:
"Look, I am on the internet everyday. Everyday, Without fail. It's pretty sad that I know more about the WWE than Vince McMahon. I know what the wrestling fans want. We don't want sports entertainment! We dont want gimmicks or care about charisma. We want wrestling. Guys like Nakamura, Gedo, and Fire Ant. I write those emails because I now whats best for the WWE. They're losing fans by the hundreds."
Though McMahon has vowed to send any and all emails from Billary Rodham to his Yahoo spam folder, not all is lost. TNA Impact owner Dixie Carter is said to be very interested in Billary's ideas and would love to make the 43 year old unemployed Reddit Moderator an executive producer at TNA.