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What It's Feel, Don't You Know? : Short Story
I tried again to made a story in English rather than written it in my own language and change it to English after that. Fyuuhhh! Such a headache. :D
I hope it's good enough. Please tell me your honest review????
PS : Thank you, Mr. Story Teller for your editing work. You wrapped it become beautiful. You are the best editor I ever have! :D Now, what should I do without you? :P Thank you, Dear.
What does it feel like to love someone who never loves you? What is it like longing for someone who has never longed for you? How does it feel always thinking about someone who never thinks about you? Do you know?
Just like today, I stood in front of the window, staring at the ebbing tide, bringing the sand back to the beach. Somehow it seems like it had uncertain thoughts, wanting but not wanting it either. Trying to trap the sand in the middle of its wishes.
I looked back and found you in my sight, sitting on that couch with a book in your hand. You seemed to be drowning in the book. I stand there and watched for several minutes, seeing how you never flipped to the next page, or how your expression never changed when you read it, while you are person with emotion, which everything in your face is like an open book for me to read; happy, sad or worry, so easily found.
Slowly, I walk closer to you. My movements woke you from your thoughts, and you looked at me and smiled. That beautiful smile has never failed to move my heart. Shake it, sometimes slow and sweet, or in the moment like this, feels so hard and sharp. I guess my heart is bleeding again. I touched your hair and running my finger through it; tasteing the softness of your hair tickled my senses, I answered your smile with the best smile I could muster, while I held this pain in my heart because I noticed your mind flying away, outside our world again.
“What are you reading?” I asked, whispering a silent scream behind it.
“Hmm… “You closed the open book in your hands to show me the cover.
“Romeo and Juliet?” Ah! “That’s my stuff. Since when has it become your kind of reading?”
“No, I just found it in the library, and since I never tried to read this kind of book before, I thought want to give it a try.”
“And what do you think?”
“About this book? Heavy. But really romantic. Still not my stuff, but I enjoy reading it.”
“You already knew it was romantic,” I opened the book to the last page where you put your finger to mark it. “Page 5?” 2 hours sitting on that couch you only reached page 5? “Or because the entire world already told you how beautiful this book is?” Your smile stretched to your eyes this time. Ah, so beautiful!
“Right. I am kind of slow, I know.” I love the way those eyes became smaller every time you smile.
“Indeed. Have you gotten bored of it already?”
“Ah, no. I still want to try to read it.”
I put my hand on your face and pulled it up gently with my palm; to make your face exposed to me in more, and slowly my lips touched your eyes. I can feel your sweet eyelashes touching my lips and tickled it, when your eyes closed to me. With that kiss, I put my hope to take away all the seed that bird had planted there to lock your sight. With that kiss, I put my prayer for you to be free from any charm that has taken your heart away from me. But I know somehow, it will only become one side of a wish, hope and prayer, because your heart will never become mine.
It is not until recently I understood your heart. I was blind. I put my heart in your hand and felt happy for every kindness you gave me. I thought, I found my King and our kingdom; and it would last forever inside happiness, but I guess, I was too blind and too naive. You are gentle, kind and sweet. You do everything for me to make me smile; I felt that I had been completed and my life was already perfected by your existence inside it. So wonderful this life it seemed to me, until I found her in your dreams.
When night came and our eyes became so heavy, you pulled me inside your arms and rested your hand around my body then put your lips on my forehead while I snuggled inside your warm embraced. I’m so happy, I thought. I felt grateful for you being in my life. Felt so blessed by your existence inside this world. It’s been a year, and not even once have you loosen up your warm embrace at night, even in your sleep. Making me feel loved and protected. Making me feel I’m the happiest woman that ever lived.
Thinking about that always made me unable to sleep. I would lie silent inside your arms, enjoy the beauty of the feelings that you generated for me at that time. enjoying a sense of your body, your warmth. Looking at your beauty which seems so calm, and anesthetized by your sleep. I keep doing that in so many times, and that is how I’m able to hear your dreams.
That night, inside your sleep, with your arms around me, you called her name.
I knew her very well. She is one of your best friends. I was never worried about her being in your life before, because I thought when you chose me it meant nothing else will able to take my place in your life, mostly her who was already there for so long. So I never worried. Never felt threatened, until the day I heard you call her name in your sleep.
Then I started to check and check and check, and then found the facts that I’m sure will never come out from your mouth for me to hear. She is your first love, the one and only. You are not with her, not because you don’t love her. You are not with her not because you don’t want to. You are not with her because she didn’t allow you to. She rejected you. She rejected all your love and heart for her, not because she doesn’t love you, but simply because the world is not the good place for you to be together. So the two of you made a vow, to be together in paradise, where God will erase all the world’s differences and you two can live happily ever after.
If you decided your paradise with her already, so where is my place there? Or because I’m trying to erase pure love inside your heart, will I be burn in Hell?
I think you've just meet her again yesterday, that is why your mind wanders again today. Before the night when I found her name in your sleep, I thought every time you look like this, it's because you felt tired. But as it turned out it was always because of her, because of her phone call, because you just meet her. Because of you saw her face, because of you felt mesmerized by her smile. And at those moments, I disappeared, just shrink into a pathetic woman who is only able to stay in the corner of your heart; waiting for you to come back home, which I guess, I already waited too long now.
You had drawn yourself back into that book again, or is it into your mind? I stood there and watched you doing that. Asking in a silent scream; what does it feel to love someone who never loves you? What does it feel like to long for someone who never longs for you? How does it feel to always think about someone who never thinks about you? Do you not know? It breaks my heart into a million pieces. And when I thought I don't have a heart left, why then do I still feel the pain? I can't hold this anymore. No, I can't!
I walked out of the room to the front door. Open it and walked to my car. Open the back door and held there and called;
A small white, hairy cat came out through the door and ran fast with her tail moving to right and left, following her body. She stopped in my feet and rubbed her face there. I picked her up into my arms and smile at her.
"It's time to go now, dear." I told her, getting annoyed by the heat that suddenly burnt my eyes. I put Fluffy in the back seat, and she jump to the front seat, she didn't want to be with all of my luggages that filled back seat.
I closed the car door and moved to front door. I open it, but held it just like that for a while. I looked back to the house, thinking of you still drowning inside your mind, you never even noticed my intention which already flooded my mind for so long. I sighed deeply and got into the car. Turned the key and the engine roared to life. Then, without taking another breath, I sped as fast as I could from our broken home.
Goodbye, My love....
Our divorce letter will come to you soon.