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WHERE DID SHE GO? - Change

Updated on November 28, 2012

Who Am I?

What happened?!!!! Where the hell am I? Who lives in this house?!!!!!! Where did this dog come from?!!! Is that my car? Who is that alien in my home? I know I have always wondered if I would be taken by an alien spaceship to escape the pain and trials of life. I do know people who wish it every day. Believe me! I guess it is just like the lottery and the chance of that happening is slim. So, here I am sitting in my home wondering why? Who the hell am I?!!

Something happened a few years ago and finally after so many emotional and painful struggles for years, I just got fed up one day! And then, only then I just could not recognize myself and began to change! Slowly I became empowered to be the person I am deep inside without any distractions or outside manipulations like a long time ago. But this time I was also bringing experience into my new "life puzzle" that I had never had in my life many years ago. Slowly and gently I ventured to find the person that I had hidden away. Where did she go? Well she disappeared for a while to avoid pain and to hide from the world. Easier that way and besides it is better to hide out then deal with crazy people!

My guards were up and they were not coming down for just anyone or anything! That's right. I am real tough. Watch me! Watch me kick some butt!

Please my friends do not panic! I am fine. Really. Hear me out. This is a lesson to be learned. Trust me.

I remember how I was as a child really clearly before the age of eight years old. Then there is a big gap in my memory until I reached the age of thirteen. I started to think about love then and when I ventured into my first year in highschool, it just got me BIG TIME like a wave in the ocean before you see it. WHAMMO I was struck by the love of a young man at the tender age of 15. He was wonderful and loving and I could not keep myself from feeling him all of the time...every day. I loved him. Love. AH yes. What a beautiful thing.

As I got older and went on to new relationships, I slowly disappeared into the background and made everything work for everyone else. I am the amazing Super Woman! I can do magic! Watch me as I collapse from exhaustion! Watch me as I get angry! Watch me as I start to make things work for everyone else even if it does not work for me. Watch me lose the passion. Watch me ignore my needs and put others first. Watch me just go through the motions. Watch me be someone else!!!!!

Then one day my heart finally opened like magic and let it all back in. It was beautiful as I felt overpowered by my feelings like a waterfall flowing over my heart. I started to write more about love and then everything happened. Slowly I found myself again and surrounded my heart with people who love me and who care about everything I do. Passion surrounds me every day and I am so excited about life and getting to know myself again! Love is everything! NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.

Change is good. Change is what makes us who we are. Trust is a big part of change. Embrace this change. Devour the love! It is amazing!

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    • GPAGE profile imageAUTHOR

      GPAGE 

      8 years ago from California

      James..thank you for being here! If anyone knows about change...you do! I'm starting to come out from the other side now. The clearing and the flowers are beautiful. The air feels better. I feel alive once again. So "change is good" but it takes a while....it takes special moments too. Change is lovely. G

    • James McV Sailor profile image

      James J Mills 

      8 years ago from Northern California

      GPage... wonderful writing as usual. Great stream of thought and emotion. I have to admit that I often wondered about the ALIENS, and why they did not come for me, while I was out sailing on the Sea... such a perfect target, but I guess we can't win all the time. Change is good... adapting to it is hard. Best, JM

    • GPAGE profile imageAUTHOR

      GPAGE 

      8 years ago from California

      FloBe......So lovely to have you here. Thank you for your wonderful comment.

      So nice to meet you too! Best, G

    • FloBe profile image

      Flo Belanger 

      8 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      There are many "re-awakenings" in life...each time there is a choice to either learn from it and become a better person, or allow it to overwhelm us and be destroyed by it. We always have a choice. I'm glad you reach out and seek the better way, GPAGE...nice to meet you.

    • GPAGE profile imageAUTHOR

      GPAGE 

      8 years ago from California

      Jewels...I really appreciate your comment. Also for you stopping by and taking the time to share your wisdom. I love the quote also. Thank you so much for being here. Best, GPAGE

    • GPAGE profile imageAUTHOR

      GPAGE 

      8 years ago from California

      E! Thank you so much for your lovely comment. I really appreciate your positive words!!!

      What a beautiful image.......all those flowers in the pool!!!!!! Love it!!!!! Best, G

    • Jewels profile image

      Jewels 

      8 years ago from Australia

      How wonderful to find yourself and get you back. Change is really hard. I could seriously relate to being 'trained' to put everyone else ahead of my own needs. Loss of passion, loss of meaning, loss of purpose. It's not easy brushing off the wounds and walking differently. A very good saying by Samuel Sagan fits well with your hub: "You don't change by solving your problems, you solve your problems by changing." Though changing is not as easy as you may think. Thumbs up to your hub.

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 

      8 years ago

      ..well - change has many meanings - both good and bad - and perhaps the reason why we often 'balk' at the paradigm effect ...... your hubs are always appreciated by me ...... and remember one thing - you were there for me in the beginning with support and even a hub dedication in which I will never ever forget - you are a person of class, good taste, and dignity - and if I could fill your swimming pool full of flowers then I would ...... lol lol .... swimming pools may be a decadent image, yes, but it sounds nice - dosen't it!!!

    • GPAGE profile imageAUTHOR

      GPAGE 

      8 years ago from California

      Dean...Thank you so much. I appreciate your words and your friendship. There are only a few people that I have connected with here and you are one of them! I enjoy you even though we have not met. I feel your love and your pain. You are awesome too my friend. So happy you are here!!!!! Lovely......G

    • cheaptrick profile image

      cheaptrick 

      8 years ago from the bridge of sighs

      You Look around you

      Things they astound you

      Just breath in Deep

      Your not asleep

      Open your mind

      Your here today

      No future fears

      This day will last

      A thousand years

      If you want it too

      You did it G...and I never doubted you would.Never met you,now little about you...but I Feel you and you feel awesome.Your for real friend

      Dean

    • GPAGE profile imageAUTHOR

      GPAGE 

      8 years ago from California

      MR BAD! HA...ART! I lovesya and everything you do is lovely! So happy to have found you here! Gx

    • GPAGE profile imageAUTHOR

      GPAGE 

      8 years ago from California

      JAMES! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! I really appreciate your comment and you!!! I am feeling happier every single day!!! G

    • profile image

      .BadCompany 

      8 years ago

      Change is good, I loves ya no matter who I change to ; ) xox

    • James A Watkins profile image

      James A Watkins 

      8 years ago from Chicago

      So you have rediscovered you. I am glad to read this. You are very special, very talented. I wish you love and long life. Be happy.

    • GPAGE profile imageAUTHOR

      GPAGE 

      8 years ago from California

      prasetio...I am always so happy to see you! It is like an angel has appeared!! So nice to have you here. I am so glad you liked this hub....this inspires me!!!

      Thank you so much for being here and always making me feel wonderful.

      I always hold your blessings close to my heart. G

    • GPAGE profile imageAUTHOR

      GPAGE 

      8 years ago from California

      rose...thank you so much for being here and your lovely comment. G

    • prasetio30 profile image

      prasetio30 

      8 years ago from malang-indonesia

      God...Why did I miss this hub?? GPAGE, you still "super Mom for your kids" and "super woman" who always inspiring us with your kind words. Your passion in love never end. That makes you a strong woman. I always impressed with all your hub, like this one. Thank you very much. My love and my pray still for you. God bless you and take care!

      Prasetio

    • rose56 profile image

      rose56 

      8 years ago

      WOW excellent. Made me think of myself. Thanks for the great hub.

    • GPAGE profile imageAUTHOR

      GPAGE 

      8 years ago from California

      2uesday...thank you so much for your lovely comment! Fantastic to have you here!

      Best, G

    • 2uesday profile image

      2uesday 

      8 years ago

      Wonderful to read. I could hear what you were saying so clearly in the words of your article here - it is fantastic to read something like this; and to discover that - yes I can relate to it. Thank you.

    • GPAGE profile imageAUTHOR

      GPAGE 

      8 years ago from California

      viryabo...thank you so much for the beautiful comment! I feel so happy and I appreciate you in such a big way! I love the quote you left here. Thank you!!!......Wonderful.....G

    • GPAGE profile imageAUTHOR

      GPAGE 

      8 years ago from California

      SH...LOVE YA GIRLIE....Enjoying the process.....every single day! G XOXO

    • GPAGE profile imageAUTHOR

      GPAGE 

      8 years ago from California

      pamela...Thank you so much for your wonderful comment. It makes me feel great. G

    • GPAGE profile imageAUTHOR

      GPAGE 

      8 years ago from California

      AYM! Hey there! Thank you so much for making me feel good and being here!!!!! G

    • GPAGE profile imageAUTHOR

      GPAGE 

      8 years ago from California

      sid....thank you for stopping in. GPAGE

    • GPAGE profile imageAUTHOR

      GPAGE 

      8 years ago from California

      ms....thank you so much for being here. It is always lovely to see you. G

    • Scarlett Hart profile image

      Scarlett Hart 

      8 years ago from The World At Large

      Raw, beautiful and painful to read... Your story, my story, I love you! It's a huge birthing process but so worth it on this end isn't it? Great hub GPage! XOXXOOXX S. Hart

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 

      8 years ago from Sunny Florida

      I love this hub as I relate to it in years past. It is beautifully written and says so much.

    • Ask Your Mama profile image

      Ask Your Mama 

      8 years ago

      Gpage! another slice of the hottness!

    • sid_candid profile image

      sid_candid 

      8 years ago

      Wonderful hub this.

    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 

      8 years ago

      Wow..a reawakening...thank you for sharing. I agree wholeheartedly about love.

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