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WHERE DID SHE GO? - Change
Who Am I?
What happened?!!!! Where the hell am I? Who lives in this house?!!!!!! Where did this dog come from?!!! Is that my car? Who is that alien in my home? I know I have always wondered if I would be taken by an alien spaceship to escape the pain and trials of life. I do know people who wish it every day. Believe me! I guess it is just like the lottery and the chance of that happening is slim. So, here I am sitting in my home wondering why? Who the hell am I?!!
Something happened a few years ago and finally after so many emotional and painful struggles for years, I just got fed up one day! And then, only then I just could not recognize myself and began to change! Slowly I became empowered to be the person I am deep inside without any distractions or outside manipulations like a long time ago. But this time I was also bringing experience into my new "life puzzle" that I had never had in my life many years ago. Slowly and gently I ventured to find the person that I had hidden away. Where did she go? Well she disappeared for a while to avoid pain and to hide from the world. Easier that way and besides it is better to hide out then deal with crazy people!
My guards were up and they were not coming down for just anyone or anything! That's right. I am real tough. Watch me! Watch me kick some butt!
Please my friends do not panic! I am fine. Really. Hear me out. This is a lesson to be learned. Trust me.
I remember how I was as a child really clearly before the age of eight years old. Then there is a big gap in my memory until I reached the age of thirteen. I started to think about love then and when I ventured into my first year in highschool, it just got me BIG TIME like a wave in the ocean before you see it. WHAMMO I was struck by the love of a young man at the tender age of 15. He was wonderful and loving and I could not keep myself from feeling him all of the time...every day. I loved him. Love. AH yes. What a beautiful thing.
As I got older and went on to new relationships, I slowly disappeared into the background and made everything work for everyone else. I am the amazing Super Woman! I can do magic! Watch me as I collapse from exhaustion! Watch me as I get angry! Watch me as I start to make things work for everyone else even if it does not work for me. Watch me lose the passion. Watch me ignore my needs and put others first. Watch me just go through the motions. Watch me be someone else!!!!!
Then one day my heart finally opened like magic and let it all back in. It was beautiful as I felt overpowered by my feelings like a waterfall flowing over my heart. I started to write more about love and then everything happened. Slowly I found myself again and surrounded my heart with people who love me and who care about everything I do. Passion surrounds me every day and I am so excited about life and getting to know myself again! Love is everything! NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.
Change is good. Change is what makes us who we are. Trust is a big part of change. Embrace this change. Devour the love! It is amazing!