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WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE? CRY FOR HELP!
Broken, lonely, confused and in despair is where you will find me. Running away from what I thought was love and marriage to a family that no longer has a place for me. At least it seems. What can I do for this constant lump in my throat, the heart broken into pieces that lies within my chest; where can I go? There are too many wrongs that I can't seem to right. There are too many pieces of me scattered. The wheels in my mind are constantly spinning. My world is turned upside down! Where is the love he promised me? What happened to our happy home; he PROMISED me that he would never leave me alone. Oh, I guess his words were just lies and he was just another piece to this puzzle called my life. Another piece, I cannot make fit. Broken dreams, promises and lies is all I have or is it? Should I reach for my HIGHER POWER and ask to start anew? Questions, they will not leave me alone! I can't sleep, I can't eat! I'm broken to no end. WHERE?!! should I begin again! Sometimes this life seems too much to bear; If nothing else, WHY SHOULD I CARE. This is my cry for help because I am like an spinning top; going in circles not knowing where or when I will stop.
I am determined to make things right! I must do this or end the fight. I am so tired and my soul is restless, WHEN Dear Father, should I take my last breath! I sit in silence and watch the madness that surrounds me, hoping and praying to be free. Should have I remained in a broken marriage and suffered? Should I? NO! I RATHER DIE! Maybe I should have listened to the warnings of this menace; now, I am caught in a snare and no one cares. They smile and treat me kindly; but their eyes are questioning why I returned. I turned my back on them, this I know; but doesn't it matter I MADE A MISTAKE and have asked for their forgiveness. I hear my mother's prayers and I know she wants to forgive me; but my SIN will not let her be. HOW can something sacred as MARRIAGE cause such a rip?! She saw it and I would not listen; I turned my back on her and now she's dealing with her pain.
PLEASE, can we go back to the way it was; I NEED YOU MOMMY; I need your hug!! I need to know that I am forgiven and I can put this past to rest. I NEED the peace found laying in your arms while I hear the beats of your heart for me in your chest. TIME RESET! Make this all disappear, I am lost to this world and all I have left is fear. I've done everything but crawl and beg; should I be like a little child wrapped around her legs? I see her wanting to reach out and crab me; but then I pulled back because I know, I do not deserve her forgiveness. I've done too much, I can't move on! My sister treats me like I am some contagious disease, my brother is who knows what; my grandparents have questioning eyes. OH, PLEASE HEAR MY CRIES!!! I am desperate and I need HELP; this is my plea to an GOD I left. How much should I suffer before you hear my cry or is it that I need to die? I am only 22 and I made a serious mistake; why can't they hear the pieces of my heart as it breaks? Do I, should I, Will I? Do I have the courage to say it's time to die?