WHO LOVED THE MAN YOU LOVE - Way Back When
Were They Ever Loved?
I came to a really amazing place a while ago when I was spending time with someone who adored his mother. The stories he started to share with me and the laughter in the room made me realize how important it is "to be loved" when people are young...Those emotions, feelings and knowing that someone loves you is "key." If a person is never truly "loved" how could they be capable of ever loving anyone else? Isn't it true that "kindness" brings on more kindness and "hatred" brings on more hatred? Think about it. Especially if a man never bonded with his mother or whoever was the female nurturer (adoptive parent, grandmother, family friend) during his formative years? This also pertains to women also, but for right now I would like to talk about men because of my past experiences.
I went back in my mind to past relationships and started to remember issues that may have happened because of a few men (some I knew as boys) I know and their "disconnect" with their mother when they were younger. When I think about it, the best relationships I ever had were with boys/men who were close too and truly loved and nurtured by their mother or grandmother. The boys/men that had unstable relations with their mother had communication issues and very deep seeded anger that would appear whenever we hit some sort of "relationship roadblock." It would come out in all sorts of ways during arguments or "out of nowhere" when communication would shut down (now I understand "why") or when they had no place to put their anger. They expected me to make everything better because they were not capable of doing it themselves so they would just do "nothing." Afterall no one ever loved them enough to show them how to make things "better" or to just be "loving." No one ever showed them how to "love someone and show them by staying there and not walking away."
Without going into personal details about people I know, I will say that my longest and most difficult romantic relationships were spent with boys/men who hated their mother's and I always ended up taking care of them and then leaving them in the end because frankly they never gave me enough reason to stay. A relationship can not be based on one person's needs or the woman can not make up for past mistakes that her lover's mother made. It is truly hard to hang onto someone who hates the woman who they were born too or other women also because of the deep root issue. I remember someone in particular who once said the most horrific thing to his mother in front of me and completely disrespected her in every way. Something that a good son who was truly loved by his mom would just never do. I was in shock and Iet him have it in a big way because I knew what it was like not to have one (my mother died when I was young). I knew that he was never loved in that one moment by his actions. Because when you truly "love someone" you would do anything in your power to keep them from hurting. That is what true and honest love is. This I know for sure.....
Extreme Hatred Of His Mother....
I experienced a relationship where the stories I heard about this particular person's mother were "shocking." He eventually left her when he was really young and in his formative years and lived with his father who did anything in his power to make it work but he was never around because of the pressures of his work life. The point is that his mother never cared that he left and this scarred him forever. So even though a person is there for you like this young boy's father was, it does not mean that they are capable of truly loving you or teaching you "how to love." They can provide shelter and food, tell you great stories, teach you good work ethics...but in the end if they never showed you "love" in an affectionate and caring way, you will never be able to express yourself in such a way to someone else. You just "shut down" and leave the one's you love because the "fear" is just too much to take. Your walls are up like a fortress around a castle that guards your heart from love. Afterall you never had it and when it was there, you just couldn't deal with it. I know quite a few men who do this all the time. They never quite get there in the end and always end up alone. It is so sad but they always push the one's they truly love away. They just shut down and move on with their life and they never find true love because they are always running from it.
Children learn by example and abuse can come in different forms even if it is "passive." Not loving someone in a nurturing way can make a person fail in relationships throughout their childhood and adulthood. This I know for sure because I have seen it first hand. Most of them do not have the emotional tools it takes to make things better or to show someone how much they love them. They just shut down and when they realize what they have done, it is too late. Just imagine a movie for a moment when a woman tries so hard to beg her man not to leave her and he stands there "stone cold" like a cowboy while he says "I gotta go." He leaves because he doesn't know any better and he has no idea or will to fix it because the woman or women in his life never cared enough to beg him to stay.
A loving man would never say that and he would do anything "not to go and leave you in such a sad state." Even if he was punished a lot as a kid, you can guarantee that he would come back to his mom (and or dad) in her loving arms and the world would just get "better."
True love never dies because people who were really "loved" knows what it takes to "love the one they are with."
Hub Pages Author - GPAGE
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